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My Uncle Is Still In Denial That I Am Mentally Disabled And Cannot Do Most Things.

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Your uncle sounds a lot like one of my best friends. No one ever accused him of being a diplomat, but you knew where he stood. That was something I valued greatly. What ever he said, right or wrong, like it or not, he said out of love. That's the way your uncle sounded to me. We don't always help people by telling them what they want to hear. All this stuff here that you don't want to hear? They're trying to help.

Life is about choices. We all have choices, whether we deliberately make them or not. Seems to me that the big choice before you is 1) Do you get busy and start working on the things that can make your world a better place or 2) Do you decide to spend the rest of your life sitting around saying "But I can't!" and look for people who will help you feel sorry for yourself.

Before I found this forum, I looked around a little. There are others out there that seem to be full of people who have dedicated their lives to feeling sorry for themselves. They were engaged in what looked, to me, like a giant mutual pity party. Not someplace I want to hang out. This forum is a bit different. (And much more useful, if you actually want to get somewhere.)

I said someplace else recently, life is like a game of cards. You're dealt what you're dealt, for no particular reason I'm aware of. You can chose to play, or not. If you chose to play, you only get to play with the cards you're dealt and you need to make the most of that hand, 'cause it's all you've got. If YOU chose not to play, I'm sorry. But it's your choice to make.
 
As I stated I will have a husband to rely on.
Yep, I thought that once, so did my sister. Prince charming to rescue us. Good luck with that one.

I am incapable of doing something. That is exactly hat the SSA was saying when they gave me my disability.
So basically you are a paraplegic who can do nothing??????? I sincerely doubt that is what the SSA told you. And if they did they would be negligent. A disability pension does not mean you can do nothing. You are on a computer typing. Think you are capable of doing something. At the moment it is a lot of negative thinking, a lot of energy going into that. If you turned that negative round, wow you could achieve an awful lot.


You are depressed and you really need a therapist.
 
I can barely make myself brush my teeth once a day. Sometimes I will not take a shower for a day because I can't make myself. I can't clean my apartment but maybe every 3 months. I wear the same clothes for a week. Most of the time I wear the same shorts for a month sometimes longer because I think they are perfectly clean enough to wear them that long.
That is depression. It is not disability, it is depression. You need therapy, CBT and you can do all of these things. And please get the depression sorted before you enter into a huge commitment of marriage. Going into a marriage with that level of depression and relying on a husband to look after you, problem is that is a huge ask of a young man and if it doesn't work out and you are in that depressed state there are too many examples of what goes wrong.

Hopefully a good therapist will help you with your depression and you will then see you are capable fo so much more and it will help with your pain. It is little by litter. But never think in life that you can rely on others to look after you, it just doesn't work like that.
 
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I do not say anything that I'm about to say to you to be harsh or mean, but I say this because I care about your wellbeing in life.

There are a few things you misunderstand about disability and how people are in life. It would be mean to not clarify them to you as clearly as possible. It's up to you to consider this information and input from everyone, or to continue to discard it.
I am incapable of doing something. That is exactly what the SSA was saying when they gave me my disability.
No. This is a completely incorrect understanding of what SSA evaluates. They basically evaluate if you can manage "sustained gainful employment" which by law means 40 hours a week of employment with the skills you have at this time, for a time period (I don't recall the exact time frame).

It is unlikely they awarded SSDI to you at your very young age unless you paid a lot of money into SSA through high paying employment prior to becoming disabled. You most likely have SSI, not SSDI. They are two different programs but the difference is irrelevant to my point.

Being awarded SSDI or SSI is NOT a declaration that you can't work at all, and will never be able to do so for the rest of your life. It is NOT an official declaration that you can not do anything at all now or ever again. That is not what SSA even evaluates.

That is what YOU have decided based on your self evaluation. Not SSA.

In fact, everyone who gets SSDI or SSI is given what is called a "Ticket to Work" - this allows people who are SMI and who also have severe physical disabilities to go to Voc Rehab or other agencies to get resources to gain greater employability. They help people train for other jobs people are able do that fit better with their very real disabilities. The idea is that while SSA may have deemed the person too disabled to be gainfully employed with current skills, that new skills will help the person find a line of work that does better fit their disability.

If SSA approval of disability means the person getting the disability can never do anything ever, then the entire Ticket To Work program that is helping many people on disability get an education and go back to different lines of work... is a complete sham.

One Ticket to Work program, called a PASS grant, actually doubles the disability award for people like me who have SSDI (or SSI) who are using the extra funds to pay for school and other things I need to be more employable. I'm considered to be SMI and I have a severe physical disability. (I'm going blind and have severe pain from the treatment for the eye disease.) They still are helping me train for other employment at great cost to SSA.

I do not know if I will ever be able to work again, but I am giving it my all to try and do what good I can with my life, even if I can not work.

No matter what, even if you are in a coma, SSA will re-evaluate your case ever 3-5 years. It is not a lifetime decision. They will re-evaluate your case and see if you continue to be unable to work 40 hours a week. They do this for every single person on SSI and SSDI.

You have been awarded SSDI or SSI, for now. Emphasizing your disability and how much you feel you can not do anything at all to everyone around you will not help you keep SSDI or SSI. It will actually make you look even more like you are malingering, i.e. exaggerating, even if you are not malingering. This will destroy the credibility of your claims.
And second of all I would not make enough money to pay my bills if I worked part time and didn't have my SSDI anymore.
You can work part time while on SSI or SSDI and still keep the SSDI or SSI payments too. If you contact your local Vocational Rehabilitation department, they can explain this much better to you.

You do point out one of the things you feel you gain by not working on your recovery or your life: a way to pay your bills without doing anything at all.

That is a benefit you have. For now.
I am going to be staying on my SSDI for the rest of my life. My husband will be taking care of me and fortunately he is not abusive.
I understand that it is your goal to be on SSDI (or SSI) for the rest of your life. I have already addressed that SSA reevaluates cases every 3-5 years. Every single case. Your case will be reevaluated. It remains to be determined if they will continue to award you disability.

SSA may decline your disability in the future. They will want to review all your files. (Which goes back to how important it is for you to find a doctor who will put your legitimate confirmed diagnoses into your file.)

SSA will be more likely to terminate your SSI or SSDI in the future if they see a track record of you turning down every single treatment option given to you and your pattern of asking for diagnoses that your doctors do not agree to put down in your official medical records and files for SSA to review.

Additionally, the SSA system is projected to go completely bankrupt in 10-25 years. They are projected to have no money to pay out to anyone they deem too disabled to work. You are making claims that SSA will pay you disability for the next 60+ years when so many things could change over a lifetime.

I fear that your plan for survival will only lead to a return to homelessness because it depends so much on others and many variables that you can't control, and no action on the variables you can control.
As I stated I will have a husband to rely on.
Until he loses his job in the current economic downturn, gets sick, becomes disabled himself, passes away, etc etc. There is no guarantee he can sustain anyone for the next 60 years of your life, even if he wants to do so.

You started this thread basically venting that you are unhappy with others not supporting you enough and doing enough for you already. You can't change them.

If you keep doing what you are doing, you will continue to get the same outcomes. If you want different outcomes, you have to choose different options.

Since you show no desire for change, there really doesn't seem to be any point to this thread other than for you to vent about people acting in a manner consistent to how they have acted in the past. It stinks, but it is how it is. *People will not change unless they want to.*

You are posting on a forum of people who are generally working their asses off to do the very best they can with what they have. Some do not work, some do. If you keep posting all the reasons you absolutely can not do anything for yourself at all ever, then you will likely keep getting the same responses and encouragement until those who respond come to terms with the fact that you will not change your current choices in managing your very real disability until you are ready to do so.

And you are clearly not ready. It is what it is.
 
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It is clear that you are at present untreated. I'd suggest a medication review and to get on the stick pronto to get into therapy and find out what your treatment options for fibro are. I highly recommend learning, for example about anti-inflammatory foods, RA (Rheumatoid arthritis) cooking techniques, and stretching... rather than sleeping. But yeah, you need to add into your consult that you may be depressed.
 
Yeah... <grin> Not sarcastic! Here's how I parsed it: (if only for academic interest)
@FridayJones, I am appreciating more and more that even though we are very different kinds of people, we can learn a lot from each other - at least, I learn a lot from you! Your posts always give food for thought. See, for me, if someone said some of the things her uncle said to her, it would get my back up so fast I wouldn't have time to notice the other things you have enumerated. That's a sensitivity that probably isn't going to change, but thank you for pointing out that there is more there under the surface. I will make an effort to go back to what people say and look for that "more" after getting past my initial reaction.
 
I highly recommend learning, for example about anti-inflammatory foods, RA (Rheumatoid arthritis) cooking techniques, and stretching... rather than sleeping.
Amen to that - except I'm not sure about the sleeping part. Deep sleep is crucial for healing fibromyalgia. If you're not getting that, it's something to work on. If anyone tells you fibromyalgia can't be healed, they're wrong. Look into the Weston Price Foundation and their advice about diet, particularly the use of bone broth (hope you're not vegetarian!) Now that is a fascinating field of study. They have a very extensive website that could keep you busy for some time.
 
Yep, I thought that once, so did my sister. Prince charming to rescue us. Good luck with that one.
@Lizio - lol - love that one ^^^
@Kristina25 you may feel really picked on right now but if you care to listen, this group of PTSD'ers is all about helping to empower each other - that is how we support. No excuses, no 'oh poor baby's' (unless we have had a tough day working our asses off to improve our situations). If you are looking for a group of people to coddle you and say it is alright to stay frozen in a 'I can't do anything' mode, this ain't it darling.

Your uncle may be the biggest asshole known to mankind, I don't know, which is why I didn't make it about him. This is about YOU. We aren't going to feel sorry for you - we are going to kick your but if you need it, just like @The Albatross (and probably many others) have said. Now, what have you been doing in the last 60 seconds????? If that didn't sink in, I will exit this post with a bow and bid you adieu.
 
Can I just jump in and make this about me for a minute? I have been reading through all of these post and I have to say WOW! I feel so motivated and inspired right now!! I feel like I can take on the world! This community is so awesome and I appreciate every single one of you. No one would say it's easy but great things in life don't come easy. Anyway I hope @Kristina25, that you are able to see the advice and encouragement on this forum for what it is. I currently volunteer for 4hrs once a week answering phones at a homeless shelter, and I go to school full time online (You can type and follow the conversation here then you could take classes online easy). I have days where I'm so depressed I can't move or shower or brush my teeth, and I have a partner who loves me and helps me with the kids and house cleaning and stuff when it gets bad, but I'm afraid to tell you that any man worth his salt won't stick around for long if you refuse to do anything to better yourself. He may not be abusive, but you would be abusing him! If you loved him you wouldn't treat him like a slave.
 
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