My Wife Of 36 Years Has Ptsd From Child Hood And Didn't Tell Me

[Phantom Shadow]

Well After 36 years of marriage I find out my wife had sexual abuse in her teen years. I have PTSD from my military days. I knew my wife never really liked sex but I always thought it was my fault. But she did not trust me enough to tell me all these years. As much as I have asked her time an again what I need to do that would make it better for her that I would do anything for her. She told me about two months ago. I told her we would not have sex until she was ready too. She is going weekly to a therapist. Now she is throwing herself into her work an make sure she is taking all the shifts she can. I only see her when I get up an she is in the bed asleep. Or a hour or so before she goes to work. I don't know what to think. I have my own problems with my own PTSD but I can't lose her or do without her. She even taking a shift on Christmas day, which is my birthday also. We have two grown kids and three grandkids. I don't know what to do???? I have loved her since the day I meet her. I know it has not been easy for her over the years because of my denial of PTSD and drinking too much to get the war an sniping out of my mind. I don't what to do????????? Someone explain to an old fool what he is suppose to do to help her. As usual the Shadow is lost an does not know his butt from a ______.

 

[Canticle]

Well After 36 years of marriage I find out my wife had sexual abuse in her teen years. I have P...

I blocked out childhood sexual abuse for 35 years before I started to feel the cycle of shame and humuliation erode on myself worth again. It is terrifying to ha e broken peaces of your soul resorface like that.
You have cycled through simular pain Brother and have pribably experienced moments of despait that made you want to hide frim the real and disconnect from the world.

It was very hard for me to trust in love and kindness when I am lost in my cycle of desoair. But, it was the ubundance of love that gave me the strength to carry on and let go of the sorrow and fear.

Love her string brother; be attentive ti her needs and help het face that lonely stare and cycle of fear.

Best wishes Brother, love respect and honor. Thank you for your service to our country!

 

[Phantom Shadow]

I blocked out childhood sexual abuse for 35 years before I started to feel the cycle of shame and humu...

Thanks I just don't know what to do Canticle Truly Thank You.

 

[Deleted member 35429]

You sound so loving and supportive. Just be patient and she will come around. If she hid this for that long it may take some time with a therapist for her to start to feel like herself again. I had a big upheaval like that and it was at least a year for me, sorry to say. I actually felt clingy with my husband and wanted sex more than normal during this time, but I was also depressed and anxious and felt disgusting and filthy and wanting to throw myself off a bridge. It took a long time for me to come back to normal. I'm so glad my husband was so patient.
Just be supportive. Don't push for sex. Take care of your self for a while. It won't be forever. Keep telling her she's beautiful and that you love her. So much of sex trauma involves deep shame and disgust. Making her feel loved and clean and perfect the way she is will help. It's great that you are familiar with PTSD so you can see the signs.

 

[Canticle]

Thanks I just don't know what to do Canticle Truly Thank You.

You are true warrior brother. You were strong enough to turn the dark days back to light. 36 years of marriage attests to that fact. Let your love rule and help her to feel safe, respected, appreciated and loved!
Shine on Brother. God bless the good ones!

 

[EveHarrington]

It's posts like this that really make me root for all parties involved.

You sound like you really do care and want things to work out.

Did she recently start therapy? Or is it possible that symptoms took a turn for the worse? I get the feeling that something inside of her has come to the surface and she's trying to drown it out with work.

Would she be willing to go to couples counseling?