My Wife Was Raped

[mamachick]

Please help me out here ladies with your thoughts and experiences on this tipic

<edited Nicolette: previous post removed as not relevant and hijacking another member's thread. Please start your own thread if you wish to discuss other topics thank you>

 

[OKRADLAK]

You are a good husband. You care about what happened to your wife and are angry at her attacker/abuser/scum bag. I know you have a hard road ahead, but if you keep loving her, you will make it.

I had a supporter who helped me for a while, but could not hack it. It is hard, as hard on those who love a survivor as it is to the survivor.

 

[tas91]

Hello All,
Just wanted to update those whom have taken the time to share with me. After a few difficult days, things seem to be getting better but I,m just not sure yet. I am also having a hard time trusting her feelings that she is ready to move on. We,ve been married for closer of 17 years. Our intimacy has been the best the last few time then I can remember. This now is freeking me out a bit. I of course want to believe we are on the right track. I nervous about a "re-laps" or to maybe find I was a type of crutch all these years. I guess I have to believe with four beautiful children, the time s we have had, and the progress we have made in just a few months all should be well, right? Aas she would say as modern as we are, we seem to be more old fashion and believe our marriage to death do us part. I guess after so many years of at times feeling undesirable at times it's hard to feel secure. Just saying this at times makes me feel less then a man. As you only know what I write I have to say this. I am a tough man when need be, still never lost a fight, yet I will hold her hand, touch her softly, kiss her gently, great father, but that's what makes these feelings feel so F'd up I guess. As said before I've seen and been though some un human type situations. I guess I know I love her as this hurts a lot. Again, thanks to all and hope someone is still out there listening, well reading.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear tas, no I am sure you were never a crutch but a support and 'second self'.
Please enjoy some healing for both of you, please try to relax and enjoy every good moment.
I know it's so hard to trust.
Hugs to you.

 

[tas91]

Hugs back to you Junebug, hugs are good.

 

[leanne1321]

Hi there,
My husband and I are going through something similar.
Try not to show your anger too much as it could make your wife feel worse because it effects you too.
The most important thing that she needs is your love and support. If she needs some time alone, give it to her but let her know that you are there when she needs you.
Also for you, let her know that she needs to tell you where she is (mentally) and what she wants and needs from you.
I'm new to this too, so that's all the advice I can offer.
Good luck with eveything
Leanne

 

[tas91]

Hi Leanne, I am so sorry to hear you are in a similar situation.

There is comfort in knowing we are not alone in these challenging times. I am pretty confident my wife and I will get through this as I hope the best for you.

My concern and issue is maybe even self enduced with fear and concern that we won't. I do know with the help of a good counselor/therapist it has been a God send. Our therapist actually dug the repressed memory from her as we discussed other issues.

We have always had a good strong marriage, but I as I have coined, there was a ghost of a feeling that would appear and she would not know why. Even though she spoke to me about this while we were dating, we never spoke about this again.

I can honestly say our recent intimacy has been well, wonderful. It is scary to me just the same. Male ego perhaps and of course male ego for wanting revenge. A friend of mine told me, an animal that she encountered was not his first time or at least only time. Carma will get him if not already. I can only pray that is the case.

So for my rant, but thank you for your thoughts and I hope the best for you.