Supporter Navy Wife, Trying To Save My Marriage

[TryingToHoldOn]

My husband and I have had a seemingly perfect marriage for a while. Until about 2 weeks ago he came home and told me he wants a divorce. I'm trying to do everything I can to hold onto what we have and make it work. Hoping some insight to PTSD will help me understand him more.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I am sorry that you are going through that. I would start by reading the 'sticky' threads in the supporter section of the forum. There are some very helpful and insightful people there.

Take care.

 

[Barberian]

Most, if not all navy bases have free mental health counselors for service members and their family members. They offer a variety of counseling from marriage, post deployment, PTSD supporters, etc. I can't remember the name of the office, and wouldn't be surprised if the name changed anyways. It should be in the base phone book, or ask the Chaplin's office for the #.

You might ask your husband to at least try counseling before any final decisions are made. Even if it's just couples counseling, not PTSD counseling which he may be resistant to. I have no idea from your post what you have tried already. Even if he decides not to attend, you can receive counseling to help you cope with what ever happens.

Most bases also have support groups for various things - spouses of deployed members, spouses of members with PTSD, etc. That may also provide some support for you as you go through this difficult process. Once again the Chaplain's office should have the #'s.

I'm not a big fan of military religious personnel (people who work as chaplains, or for the chaplains (long irrelevant story)), but their office is the center of the spider web of support for military members and their families.

 

[r00k4]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum as well. I have recently experienced a break up with a long term boyfriend suffering from PTSD. Like you, our break up was kind of out of the blue. Things were never perfect, but one day he just left. I don't know if we will reconcile but I am here to listen and offer support because I know what you are going through. It is very hard being a partner of someone suffering from combat PTSD.

 

[kapalago]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum as well. I have recently experienced a break up with a long term boyfriend suffering from PTSD. Like you, our break up was kind of out of the blue. Things were never perfect, but one day he just left. I don't know if we will reconcile but I am here to listen and offer support because I know what you are going through. It is very hard being a partner of someone suffering from combat PTSD.

I was once in this state for sometime, but you better be strong. There is always light at the end of tunnel, Deal with the hate phase. This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break.

You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.

There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy.

Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.there are infact other things you can start doing as of now. For example seek for free more advices like,

Hope that helps.

 

[kapalago]

My husband and I have had a seemingly perfect marriage for a while. Until about 2 weeks ago he came home and told me he wants a divorce. I'm trying to do everything I can to hold onto what we have and make it work. Hoping some insight to PTSD will help me understand him more.

Just Be strong.

Cope with the pain appropriately. It's okay to feel like you have messed up - accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.

 

[r00k4]

Thanks kapalago,

Actually I feel more sadness than rage at this point but I'm sure I may get to that point! I do identify with the idea of him wasting my time. Even in a normal relationship you would get those feelings when someone just walks out on you. You're right that it is a waste of time and energy thinking 'what if'. I am just going day by day and seeing what happens. In my case he did not seek treatment (I wrote a post if you are interested) and I did not know exactly how much the illness entailed when I entered the relationship. I thought oh he just gets a little mad easier, oh he gets stressed in crowded situations, no biggie. At least that's all I got from those professional websites. Being on here has opened my eyes to a whole new level.

Anywho, I'm going out and trying to fill my day with things that I enjoy. Being on here has helped a lot. :tup:

 

[kapalago]

You are welcome

 

[20yrswife]

Going through the same thing. I was so relieved to see another Navy spouse posting.