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Sufferer Veteran trying to save his marriage and be a better person

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While my spouse saw the signs and even told me she thought I had PTSD from my military service, I only realized/accepted it after she told me she is done and ready to end our marriage. During my low points, I withdrew, turned to vices for coping (not infidelity or drug use)and neglected my duties as a partner and teammate. I am committed and made changes but it has only been two weeks. I’m seeing a counselor and am dealing with my stress in more productive ways now. Does anyone have any advice for me to be a better as a person and hopefully save my marriage?
 
While my spouse saw the signs and even told me she thought I had PTSD from my military service, I only realized/accepted it after she told me she is done and ready to end our marriage. During my low points, I withdrew, turned to vices for coping (not infidelity or drug use)and neglected my duties as a partner and teammate. I am committed and made changes but it has only been two weeks. I’m seeing a counselor and am dealing with my stress in more productive ways now. Does anyone have any advice for me to be a better as a person and hopefully save my marriage?
Firstly, it takes courage to acknowledge that there is a problem and take steps to make changes. This is a positive step towards healing and improving your relationship. Here are some tips that may help you strengthen your relationship:

- Communicate: Open and compassionate communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Make it a priority to communicate with your spouse regularly, and actively listen to their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Be honest and transparent about your own thoughts and feelings as well.

- Be present: Make an effort to be present and attentive with your spouse. Show up for them physically and emotionally. Be compassionate, patient, and understanding, knowing that your trauma may make it difficult for you to be fully present at times.

- Show appreciation: Take the time to show your spouse appreciation for the things they do. Thank them and let them know how much you value their love and support.

- Seek support: Don't forget to seek support outside of your spouse. This may include continued counseling or support groups. Don't hesitate to reach out to friends or family who may be able to offer support and guidance.

- Take care of yourself: It's essential to prioritize self-care, which includes good sleep, a healthy diet, exercise, and relaxation techniques. This will help you be in a better place emotionally and physically to be present for your spouse.

Remember, healing from trauma and rebuilding a relationship takes time and patience. Stay committed to improving yourself and your relationship. Best of luck to you both.
 
Devildog, here. You may not win your wife back. But you CAN win her love and respect back. Set your sights on being the person you want to be. That’s who your wife loves. And that’s worth fighting for. Whether she’s with you, or not. Or will be, again. Yourself, all you, or all duct taped back the f*ck together. Over 90% of people with PTSD, with treatment, reach asymptomatic/in remission. The rest of us? Are crazy in a good way, mostly. We’ve got our ticks, but they’re manageable. It’s only running away, heads in the sand, blowing up our lives, that f*cks everything else up.

Also? THIS >>> The ptsd cup explanation

Immediately useful, long term useful, best knowledge I can kick your way… full stop.

Welcome aboard! 🤠
 
Oz combat vet here... all our stories often sound similar. I went through 2 marriages trying to acknowledge I had issues and the extent of them, before I sorted out my shit. So super well done on getting to this much earlier than I did.

As @Friday said, focus on being the best you again, as that is who she fell in love with to begin with. None of us are the same after our operations, spouses have to accept some change in us, but those changes need to be less impactful on them and more just our problem. Unfortunately!

I will say this, seriously bounce stuff of our AI therapist @Dr. Catalyst as its a super good system to use 24/7. Its surprising just how good it is as being there for us to bounce stuff off of.
 
"Oh it's night again, And the dark just killed the sun
With a silent scream, All the nightmares must begin."

I dont have answers. Hell, I've just started the journey to try to heal. And I've suffered decades.
The lyrics above from a song I just found. On target. On point.
All I say - You are not alone. Glad I found this place. Apparently, neither am I.
F all the ....
sh!t. peace, man.
 
ya - did the AF thing and it sucked.
Took me years to realize the ptsd thing, and my marriage went thru some really bad points along the way.

Hubby says he stuck around because I was willing to do the work even though it made things worse for a while. Will your wife? Who knows. But like the others said, all you can do is try to become a better person than you are today and not let ptsd rule your life.

Save a Warrior was a game changer for me - might be worth looking at.
 
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