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General Need a Shoulder - Husband Suffers PTSD

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Yes Jen, it does make sense to me. I have self-esteem issues myself, which
I am working on but it really bites me on the butt when Anthony gets in full swing. He is not that bad now, well only occasionally does he direct his rubbish at me but it still bites. In saying that, I think that the little 'daily' barbs or put downs are probably worse than the full on, in your face stuff - it has a way of eroding your self esteem. I also think that it hits your confidence because they are not often quick to or willing to admit that their own behaviour is the problem. Lets face it, why would they when you are readily available as an emotional punching bag. Sure it takes two to contribute to an argument but it is surely amplified when PTSD kicks in. Some of the trouble that I find is seperating what is 'normal' relationship bs and what is really PTSD. I guess all of us living with a PTSD partner suffers from that. My situation is a bit more difficult, in the fact that I didn't know Anthony before PTSD so I really do not know what he was like.

Worrying about what you do or don't say is a hard one. Sometimes you just never can pick the right moment. What you say today may get a different reaction each time. You might like to look at the posts about '[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread28.html"]walking on eggshells[/DLMURL]' I am sure you will see some similarities there. I will send you the link when I find it. Which ever way you look at it, you don't have to take his rubbish. If he is rude to you, tell him so and walk away from it, you can't argue and win with them anyway. You were never right in the first place!! If you can tell him in a clear, calm voice that his behaviour is unacceptable and walk away the ball is right back in his court. His behaviour, he owns it.

Sounds like you are having a really tough time of it and are looking for answers. I am sure you will be able to find some of them here but face-to-face is probably better. I hope your husband is all the better for his break, it is good for both parties sometimes. Again, take care of YOU Jen.
 
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Jen,

This is it.........

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread28.html[/DLMURL]

If that doesn't work, go to Alcohol and Substance Abuse, there is a thread there called walking on egg shells.
 
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I think you need to get your husband on her Jen... and get him talking about some of the crap that is going on inside him. Trust me, this place wasn't created for the fun of it, and getting it off our chests is what everyone with PTSD needs.
 
Hi Anthony I will mention it to him when he comes back and hopefully things are a bit settled. But he is not one for expressing his feelings easily so I dont know if he will.This is probably a lot of his problems he doesnt open up very easily.
Jen
 
Good luck with it Jen. Anthony is also a bit of a closed book but he seems to think this forum helps him vent with others who understand. He doesn't talk to me much about PTSD, specific to him anyway and never really has. I don't know what the reasoning is for that but thats the way it is. I don't expect that he ever will discuss it with me but that is okay as long as he manages his illness. Its not really a blokey thing to discuss your feelings, why I don't know, but I even recall my stepfather saying to my brothers 'don't cry, only girls cry'. What a crock!! Suffice it to say that I will be raising my son a lot different from that. My aim is to raise a strong minded, individual who is not afraid to be emotional as the situation requires it. It won't make him soft and his life will the better for it - I think. At least he will have the opportunity to fully participate in life. For those that have it PTSD hamstrings them emotionally which I think is worse for blokes just simply because of the way they were raised and from what society expects them to be.
 
Hi Kerri Anne well my husband returned after his time away worse then ever!
Things werent to his liking and he went off he is so cranky towards me even my daughter commented on how he talks down to me. I have been crying all weekend Happy Easter
Anyway he packed his bag and moved out. Where to I dont know but he said dont worry about the business he can handle it. I have a casual job which I will keep now he doesnt need me around him. He told me I have issues he has so much hate in his face when he looks at me I am going to go and see a counsellor when they get in touch with me this week. I really have no idea what to do but I am going to leave it up to him to contact me first hopefully when he settles down because he just doesnt want to see me ( he told me that) 25 years marriage he said he is trying to save our marriage by moving out!!
Jen
 
Well my husband seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown I got a phone call from him last night at midnight from the motel he has been staying at for the last week I went and saw him he was a mess very upset and apologetic and emotional said he was thinking of suicide.After a night of sitting with him he seemed to have settled but was upset again this afternoon. I rang his psychotherapist this afternoon he is going to see us on Monday hopefully he can help out with my husband he seems to be a bit of a mess at the moment. Never seen him so upset.
Jen
 
Kerrie-Ann said:
Anthony is also a bit of a closed book but he seems to think this forum helps him vent with others who understand. He doesn't talk to me much about PTSD, specific to him anyway and never really has. I don't know what the reasoning is for that but thats the way it is. I don't expect that he ever will discuss it with me but that is okay as long as he manages his illness.

This is actually a good point. I don't think its a matter of just being a closed book as such, its more about what we with PTSD suffer. Male, female, doesn't matter, anyone here with PTSD will generally say they are not talkative about their PTSD to spouses and family. The reason for that, is we actually don't want to burden those around us with what is going on inside. Whether you actually believe it or not, you probably don't want to know...

The other aspect is that when we do tell spouses or family, and mention the thoughts that are going on, ie. suicide, hurt, etc etc, then everyone tip toes around us and watches us, keeps asking if we're ok, etc etc... which really only makes things worse for us. This is a significant reason why we don't say anything, yet can say these exact things to one another, as talking to someone with PTSD, you don't get the same reaction. This is because we all feel similar emotions, thoughts and so forth, which don't need to be extended past what a few words needs to be said, nor does the person receiving the content jump up and down and make an issue out of it, as its really just our daily life.

The amount of times suicide and driving myself into a pole comes into my head within a day, people around me would be nuts, have no life, as they would be too busy watching me, when in actual fact, they are just thoughts, thoughts of which most can control to go no further than thoughts.

This is why we don't talk about PTSD with spouses and family.
 
Jen said:
Well my husband seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown I got a phone call from him last night at midnight from the motel he has been staying at for the last week I went and saw him he was a mess very upset and apologetic and emotional said he was thinking of suicide.After a night of sitting with him he seemed to have settled but was upset again this afternoon. I rang his psychotherapist this afternoon he is going to see us on Monday hopefully he can help out with my husband he seems to be a bit of a mess at the moment. Never seen him so upset.
Jen

Jen, you need to do a couple of things really to fix this for him.
  1. If he's not on medication, ie. lexapro or similar, get him to a shrink and get him on it.
  2. Get hold of VVCS, tell them he is suicidal, and they will handle everything from that point on to get him hospitalised, treated and rationally sane.
  3. He will refuse, but sometimes you need to do what is in the best interest of him, as he doesn't clearly know what he is doing at this point. I know this, because I have been through it, ie. nervous breakdown and suicidal to the worst degree.
  4. He must know that people can help him, and he mustn't deal with this alone during these bad stages.
 
Hi Anthony thank you for your reply.
Over the weekend he seems fairly tired and lethargic which I am keeping my eye on him.All he wants is a hug about every 5 mins :) still fairly emotional does not want to take any phone calls.
We see the shrink on Mon so hopefully he can get him on the right track with his medication.He takes a lot of medication for every reason under the sun.
Thanks Jen.
 
Jen,

I am sorry that things have gone this way for you. I agree with Anthony, your husband needs help but you also need support. At some stage he has to stand on his own two feet and take responsibility, YOU can't make him better. Hopefully the psych will be able to straighten things out a little - perhaps he needs to go to hospital to have a break. Let us know how things go and keep posting as you need to.

BIG hugs, I bet you feel really sad right now. My thoughts are with you.
 
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