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Deleted member 3
Yes Jen, it does make sense to me. I have self-esteem issues myself, which
I am working on but it really bites me on the butt when Anthony gets in full swing. He is not that bad now, well only occasionally does he direct his rubbish at me but it still bites. In saying that, I think that the little 'daily' barbs or put downs are probably worse than the full on, in your face stuff - it has a way of eroding your self esteem. I also think that it hits your confidence because they are not often quick to or willing to admit that their own behaviour is the problem. Lets face it, why would they when you are readily available as an emotional punching bag. Sure it takes two to contribute to an argument but it is surely amplified when PTSD kicks in. Some of the trouble that I find is seperating what is 'normal' relationship bs and what is really PTSD. I guess all of us living with a PTSD partner suffers from that. My situation is a bit more difficult, in the fact that I didn't know Anthony before PTSD so I really do not know what he was like.
Worrying about what you do or don't say is a hard one. Sometimes you just never can pick the right moment. What you say today may get a different reaction each time. You might like to look at the posts about '[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread28.html"]walking on eggshells[/DLMURL]' I am sure you will see some similarities there. I will send you the link when I find it. Which ever way you look at it, you don't have to take his rubbish. If he is rude to you, tell him so and walk away from it, you can't argue and win with them anyway. You were never right in the first place!! If you can tell him in a clear, calm voice that his behaviour is unacceptable and walk away the ball is right back in his court. His behaviour, he owns it.
Sounds like you are having a really tough time of it and are looking for answers. I am sure you will be able to find some of them here but face-to-face is probably better. I hope your husband is all the better for his break, it is good for both parties sometimes. Again, take care of YOU Jen.
I am working on but it really bites me on the butt when Anthony gets in full swing. He is not that bad now, well only occasionally does he direct his rubbish at me but it still bites. In saying that, I think that the little 'daily' barbs or put downs are probably worse than the full on, in your face stuff - it has a way of eroding your self esteem. I also think that it hits your confidence because they are not often quick to or willing to admit that their own behaviour is the problem. Lets face it, why would they when you are readily available as an emotional punching bag. Sure it takes two to contribute to an argument but it is surely amplified when PTSD kicks in. Some of the trouble that I find is seperating what is 'normal' relationship bs and what is really PTSD. I guess all of us living with a PTSD partner suffers from that. My situation is a bit more difficult, in the fact that I didn't know Anthony before PTSD so I really do not know what he was like.
Worrying about what you do or don't say is a hard one. Sometimes you just never can pick the right moment. What you say today may get a different reaction each time. You might like to look at the posts about '[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread28.html"]walking on eggshells[/DLMURL]' I am sure you will see some similarities there. I will send you the link when I find it. Which ever way you look at it, you don't have to take his rubbish. If he is rude to you, tell him so and walk away from it, you can't argue and win with them anyway. You were never right in the first place!! If you can tell him in a clear, calm voice that his behaviour is unacceptable and walk away the ball is right back in his court. His behaviour, he owns it.
Sounds like you are having a really tough time of it and are looking for answers. I am sure you will be able to find some of them here but face-to-face is probably better. I hope your husband is all the better for his break, it is good for both parties sometimes. Again, take care of YOU Jen.
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