General Need Advice!

[lizziebear562]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. long story short he was on two deployments and recently got done with his service. We were always perfect he seemed to put so much effort into our relationship and once he got done with his service he moved about 30 minutes away from me and he has and had no job. So I would be the one driving up as much to see him. i started noticing that he was pulling away. if we would go a week without seeing each other it was fine for him. He never bothered asking when we were seeing each other. and just the other day ( which has been a few months since he was done with his service) i called him out on not trying anymore and i felt like i couldn't go on with how things were going, and he finally lets me know that he has felt confused for the last few months and he has been trying to figure it out. he loves me but he feels like we are just friends. I am very confused and heartbroken. I thought this guy was the guy I was going to have a future with. We decided to take a few days without talking, don't really think this is gonna help much as I am going crazy. I don't know if loosing his job is the root cause of this problem or what. he says he feels as if I deserve better and I am the perfect girl but he's just confused. he doesn't want to loose me since I am his best friend. idk, I'm going crazy. I was just really hoping for some advice!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hello Lizziebear.

Has he been diagnosed with PTSD, or gotten any help? If not, there won't be much you can do for him. You cannot help him or fix him.

With that being said, you have to firstly figure out if this is PTSD related, or just normal relationship stuff. Not all bad behavior from a combat vet is PTSD. Sometime if it walks like an ass and talks like an ass, it's just an ass. As supporters, we tend to excuse of lot of stuff with "oh, it's just his PTSD." In reality, not all of it is. PTSD is not an excuse to treat you badly (or cheat, lie, etc.... just as random examples). It may be a reason WHY they do something, but it does not excuse it. If it is a PTSD thing, then only you can decide what you are capable of dealing with in a relationship.

If you do decide you are up for the challenge of a relationship with a PTSD sufferer, it is going to be a rough road. I recommend doing some research and learning as much as you can. There are some good posts on here to help you start understanding the nature of the PTSD beast. A good one to begin with is the PTSD Cup explanation.

Good luck.