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Relationship Need Advice!!

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Hello its my first post here. I have been with my now ex, 4 years and living together 3. We had a great relationship and where very much in love! She used to hint how she would like to have a kid with me and like to mary me.

She has been through a lot of traumatic experiences that started in childhood, sexual abuse and in her teens happening again. We where so close that she managed to tell me about these. I was the only one she every told and still am as far as I am aware. I believe its the first time she acknonoged them to herself.

She has had in the past before us meeting what sounded like an episode. She was in a bad marriage, abusive husband etc. She took to alcohol to an extreme level and attempted suicide.

Well things have just gone down hill so fast for us from the start of this year to the point now where she has broken up with me saying she doesn’t love me but still wants to be friends and me to be in her life. I have had to move out which I am still in the process of. It has now been 6 weeks I have been living else where. In this time she has been diagnosed with a prolonged episode of PTSD and has begun taking meds “she says” and is visiting a professional once a week. we have seen each other briefly but to be honest doesn’t give me much of anything. She has blocked me on social media and never contacts me. She is also lying to me saying she blocked all my close friends (she didn’t) saying she deleted he fb (she hasn't) she has just blocked me and my family. She has been fairly nasty to me over texts when something I had said to a friend got twisted and back to her, accusing me of all sorts that weren’t in anyway true. She later apologised. She has self harmed in this time also and admitted it to me.

She says she is numb and has no feelings for anyone or anything and when i ask her about all the good times we have had she can’t even seem to recall them.

She is fine with everyone else except me it seems. She has been going out every wend since the break up and acting like nothing has happened.

I’m so confused and hurt I don’t know whats going on, I don't know what to do with the situation or how to handle it. Please help! any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
superficial = safe. Commitment, closeness, intimacy = danger
That is so true. Her acting like that means she doesn't trust you. And that lack of trust has nothing to do with you, except you were the person closest to her. Right now she needs her walls. I'm afraid you can't do much about that.

I also used alcohol to go numb. It worked as medicine for years until the side effects got too bad.
 
Thanks for responding! Can these feelings last indefinitely? I Have been trying to educate myself on PTSD as much as possible. I really love her and know she did feel the same. I am just hard scared to delude myself incase it is just her talking and she really doesn't love me anymore
 
@HurtandConfused To answer your question about whether it's the PTSD or simply her telling you she doesn't love you....know one knows except her. The difficult part for you is giving her the space and time she needs till she decides to contact you. In the meantime, read everything you can here. We will answer your questions.

I'm not an authority by any means, I can only relate my own experiences but to answer your question on whether these feelings last indefinitely? If you're talking about her cutting you off so abruptly and completely.....not always. That's why we call it a roller coaster ride. If you mean the PTSD from trauma, the memories from the trauma never go away but the feelings can be managed by great therapy.

Take care. I'm sorry you are hurting.
 
Snowflakes thank you for the advice! I forgot to mention there is a kid involved to whom I was step dad. The whole thing is a nightmare!! I just get an aweful feeling at times that if I don't make an effort with her she will never talk to me again but maybe thats just my insecurities.

So the blocking on social media and no contact is quite common in PTSD sufferers? Should I power on with getting my belongings out of the house or should I draw the whole process out as it may give us an excuice to meet?

Is my best plan of action then to try to forget about her, have 0 contact with the hope that maybe someday she will contact me? How long is too long? It's currently the 6th week since she has put me out :(
 
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