Need suggestions for calming down the inner abuser

[Deleted member 12723]

A few years ago, I thought I had conquered this problem. I experienced great success. But now, I am really stressed out from making some very bad choices and the ugly inner voices are rearing their ugly heads again and I am really struggling to silence them

If you have been able to overcome this problem what has worked for you? I understand about staying out of my head yet I live alone and have financial problems now.

I had conquered it before by refusing to abuse myself internally. But now it is extremely difficult, This week I have been able to get out of my apartment for each day of the week and it really helped.

 

[Justmehere]

My therapist tells me to have compassion for the inner abuser. I haven't been able to figure out how to do that...

And this might sound weird, but I will write a letter to myself - only as if that inner abuser is a toddler, child or teenager, who is acting out.

If a teenager was being abusive, I would hold boundaries, and help them find another way to mange what they are feeling. I have actually even googled parenting articles to get ideas on what to write.

It's a technique I learned at a ptsd intensive and can work for some people with ptsd (with or without DID). I'll write a letter and gen when things get hard, I'll read it and sometimes, things settle.

 

[Ronin]

I do the opposite, to be honest.

Tell them I'm a badder son of a bitch (I am. I survived them. I keep surviving them, & who they're based on, them too.) and get on offense instead of defense that just sinks me deeper into defeat & despair; without harming my body.

& There's a point I stop caring, for they bullshit, them too. They may still have their shit input & impulses; but that's not my biz anymore.

& With some, I've made peace, but that came from actually making peace with people they're based on, in real world. It just followed, slower but followed.

 

[Anrish]

I did some sports to free my head.

And I wrote my inner abuser down. I entered the abuser in a text, where I defeated him after some struggling. I control the situation in the text and I often entered some of my alter egos as support. They were with me in the story and helped me against the abuser. That made my abuser less frightening. Writing these scenarios helped me a lot.

 

[Ronin]

^^ Thoroughly seconded, as well.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Justmehere thank you so much for responding. At the moment I too dont know how to be compassionate to my inner abuser so I understand
I will have to try in journaling, writing a letter since you said that sometimes it helps you to settle. Today, the voices are silent so far and very grateful for that.

@Ronin thank you for responding. I am happy for you that you made and found some peace for that is very important to me as well, and I see that I have so much to do to get to where you are now. I dont think your approach would work for me, because I am not a badass, though I wish I were.;)
:)

Anrish thank you for responding, I like how you deal with the voices by putting it in black and white in that way. I will have to try this as well.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I'm working with self-compassion and mindfulness to keep the judge, jury and never/ever lies at bay. I share your being on your own and with financial difficulties, making unwise decisions, etc..... So very much can relate to all of that. With all of the stress on board, I think being compassionate with myself is very important. Mindfulness is helpful, but can be very difficult as sometimes while trying to just let thoughts flow through they tend to flood me. It does work sometimes though. Getting out into to nature and working on mindfulness is especially helpful as there is a lot to focus on besides what's in your head. I tend to go there to walk and talk with God.

A work in progress, but those two approaches seem to help me. I also try to stick to basics of self-care when I'm having a difficult day and go back to the 20 point scale of what I "can" manage and leave the judgment at the door. I also do things that settle my little one's anxiety like looking at picture books or going to the library. Or, I go to a coffee shop with wi-fi and work on looking for jobs/filling out applications to work on big VB's anxiety.

Hoping you find what brings some peace into your space. VB

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much @VioletButterfly for sharing and understanding. I will begin praying about it as well, it cannot hurt me anymore than I have hurt me.

I loved what you shared so much. I will need to work on this better than I have been doing.

 

[Anarchy]

It's difficult :hug:

The inner abuser developed to try to keep you under the radar of the big abusers in your life. The trouble is, it doesn't know that those days are long gone.

I don't know any answers. I was telling mine to f off, but mine has me cornered and trying to hide at the moment. All that I can offer are hugs and reassurance that in the future, your critics present attacks will prove to be unfounded.

 

[VioletButterfly]

:hug::hug: The closest I can get to giving you a real hug (if that's okay). Standing with you, praying for compassion and strength for both of us. VB

 

[shimmerz]

By building up my inner coach. I find that my inner critic demands perfection because anything else is seen as surrender, which is unacceptable to the inner critic. The inner coach cheers me on no matter what is happening. My inner coach tells me that perfection is what I am. No matter how impossible things feel or seem to be. The inner critic has such a loud voice, you know? And really I know my inner coach is in there because in my less stressful times I can hear her. I have just worked on making her voice louder than my critical voice.

Much love to you my friend. Much peace to you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you @Anarchy so very much for explaining why they are there to me. This means so much to me right now. It makes so much sense. Mine have me crumbled in a heap! And thank you for giving me hope as well in saying they will be unfounded in the future. That really supported me. Thanks also for the hugs.

@VioletButterfly, I so love hugs. Thank you for the prayers, it must be working because the voices are calm at the moment.

Thank you @shimmerz I really appreciate that so much. I lack a inner coach of encouragement and validation and mabe that is why the inner critic is so loud lately. How do you form an inner coach? Thank you for being so kind.

Hugs of gratitude to all of you.