Need Suggestions, How Do You Handle Being Caught Off Guard?

[Deleted member 12723]

So I see that this is a common problem and I am not alone in it.

I have been practicing the suggestions and it is helping me. especially the looking in the mirror and saying it out loud and watching my facial expressions. I am usually very good with boundries and can take care of myself.

It is a hangover from my childhood and teenage years.

I find it interesting that after all of these years, I finally realized I need to change me on this one. With practice it gets slowly easier with some successes and some failures in the learning process.

Thank you to all that responded. I feel better knowing that many struggle with this as well. I am so sorry it is a big problem.

I will change this and learn how to respond nondefensivly.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had a very good experience today. I was caught off guard by a request and I said calmly I need to think about it and I will get back to you. Good boundries and it was no big deal.

Thank you all for your responses. I am so thankful for my mistakes because I learn so much from them.

I am more guarded around people and I am going to grow and learn from practicing this.

 

[ghotiff]

I got some great advice from a parenting book. It said that said some children are 'slow to adapt', which means that the child has difficulty adjusting quickly to changed circumstances. One of the ways to help, is to before a situation, explain to the child all the possible outcomes of that situations.

Eg asking for a item at the store could yield the following results a) they have the item, b) they don't have the item but they can get it in, c) they don't know of the item. You are then meant to take the child through each possible outcome and come up with appropriate responses.

Since reading this book, I find myself more consciously doing this when I enter a situation where I'm likely to be triggered and which has multiple possible outcomes. It helps me....and I only find myself 'caught off guard' when something happens that I couldn't predict.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much for what you shared. That is key to me, things I am not prepared for. With practice, I will get better at this.

It was an interesting point you made about multiple outcomes.

Just giving me some time to think, gives me the chance to follow my heart and trust my gut instincts.

I really appreciate what you said so much.