I know this feeling. It's gone now, but it used to be like there was a weight on my heart when I was young. Then it changed.. There was this one particular feeling I would get when I thought of a certain abuser.. It was like I just went empty inside.. This primordial hole that went all the way to the End of the World. It went away one day when I had a realization that something had been a trap rather than a gift, and I was finally allowed to hate someone that I had loved. And then it was over. So it can end, without you ending. :hug: