Negotiating with therapist


My t and I have recently began discussing why our original rupture happened ( more deeply). It had to do with something called “attachment cry.” Basically, I would get triggered in session and reach out for comfort via email. She would respond and I would either feel comforted or get more triggered. It became a really unhealthy set up because it would cause me to become more and more disregulated between sessions. Her solution was that I could email her and she promised she would read it. At the time this happened I was so disregulated that I went into a very deep spiral. It has taken years of work to repair and understand that she was still supporting me. She returns calls if I ask for a call or extra session and sends a brief email if she is unable to. She is very careful about when she might reply to something I write, but does occasionally.

I think that therapists dealing with cptsd really need to set strong boundaries from the start, but have some sort of way that clients can reach out. My child parts were so incredibly hurt when she changed the plan and it was the teenaged parts that caused the new boundaries to be implemented. It caused a lot of inner conflict and I’m surprised I didn’t leave. It’s weird when parts of you stay aligned and other parts hate the therapist.

I’m glad that we are finally able to talk about this stuff. When I originally wrote this post I was requesting a change. I don’t even remember what I was seeking. Since then, I feel like her “no” upset part of me, followed by her helping me through it and another big chunk of trust has arrived.


This seems unusually harsh and demeaning. We have had similar issues, my therapist and me but we always work it out. He is good with e-mails in between sessions, but with the understanding that he may not be able to reply before the session. We do have a system in place for crisis mode, which is putting exclamation points "!!!" in the subject line, which triggers a 24-hour reply from him. Maybe you could do something similar? But also, if it has been a tough session, he will offer a follow-up (15 minutes) phone call a few days after. As a future therapist myself (about 6 months out), I will be trying to gain a middle ground. It is never a great idea to do actual therapy outside of a session, but in some cases that reassurance of connection is needed between sessions.
And in some cases, where boundaries aren't clear on the part of the therapist, a client can become more dependent than absolutely necessary......and the therapist has created a new issue.