Nervous Breakdown

[LifeCutShort]

Thanks for reading, I hope you learn something or share your experience or ideas. In most people's life, there is a balance of both good and bad things that happen to them, but happens when there is no balance and only bad things happen? Nervous breakdown is what happens, where you reach your limit on how much 'bad' you can take. I am speaking from experience, my life has only had 'bad' things happen to me, nothing good has ever happened to me in my life. After 32 years of this, I can't take any more and now I have suffered a nervous breakdown. Specific life circumstances, such as being isolated, lonely or depressed are a major setback in PTSD recovery and in my case makes PTSD worse by intensifying the symptoms. Please share your experience with nervous breakdown or any other comments.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hiiii x please don't be down on yourself, everyone suffers at some stage in their life when everything gets on top. People deal with these situations differently because as humans we all react very differently as individuals .
I had a break down 13 years ago and was sectioned on a section 2 . It's taken years to rebuild my life but eventually I have got to a level for me personally is at an acceptance level. I have cptsd , I suffer from anxiety , anger, frustration, regret, resent, and prob a hundred more emotions that I'm going to spare you in case you fall asleep reading the post! I'm a survivor of repetitive rape and abuse at all levels .
Of course it's been difficult, taken years of therapy, tears enough to fill the river Thames and anger explosive enough to end the universe but I've worked through these emotions and yes I struggle on a daily basis but I'm getting there slowly but surely . I don't know your circumstances but please don't give up I know you can get there too with determination. Fast forward for me I hold a very responsible job at a management level, have since remarried and am living day for day. I'm happy to support you , but you have to do this fir you and you alone.
My prayers and thoughts are with you always xxx

 

[moonbeam]

Are you familiar with the stress cup? The beginning of your post reminds me of it.

I had a breakdown last year. I was taken into hospital by my T for xrays and to discuss a treatment plan.

Now I am in a way better place than I was then. Not perfect by any stretch or even close but improving and some days are better than others. Breakdowns can be huge setbacks emotionally and are horrible at the time but in hindsight it did tell me to stop and prioritise myself and my healing.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I clicked like because I wanted you to feel heard. :hug:'s if you accept.

my life has only had 'bad' things happen to me, nothing good has ever happened to me in my life

Not minimizing nor ignoring your special set of circumstances...I have been learning at a course, that scientifically it has been shown by some researchers in positive psychology that on the average, (there are exceptions) more positive things happen to most people than negative. So, I am very sad that you are feeling such black and white thoughts. :(

What I have been learning for me to do:

*to start with listing the simple things to be grateful for that many people do not have~
~example- having a forum with people that care and can support
~example- being warm in a home with a working heater (with 12 inches build up of snow outside&several homeless have passed recently on the news)

* to try to give my time or passion to assist sincerely another
~increases oxytocin hormone

* do mindfulness and slow down my negative rumination

*find one positive thought at a time

*consider making a difference somehow, so that each day is a victory or at least mine

*increase my work in therapy or self help books until I get a grip on my panic, depression, flashbacks, ect

and I ask- like you just did for help or suggestions. You are courageous...make this moment yours!

 

[Friday]

...but happens when there is no balance and only bad things happen?

At that point I question perception.

Not saying that balance doesn't get radically get skewed... Nor that things don't become too much to handle, regardless of how balanced things may be... But I have never known life to be entirely that black & white, even if it sometimes feels that way.

One of my happiest & warmest memories is being held naked in strong arms, my hair being petted, heartbeat in my ear, stubble on my cheek, soft words with pretty compliments murmuring above me. I have rarely felt happier, or safer, in my life. It's a top 10 memory.

For every silver lining, a cloud? That was during a several month stint of being tortured. We were locked in a concrete slab room, covered in blood, and piss, and shit, and filth. Burned with fire and electricity. Teeth smashed. Fingers snapped. Drowned. Raped. Beaten. Cut on. Starved. Poisoned with rotten food. Blasted with sound. Cold, and wet, and miserable. Waiting to die. A very bad time was had by all, and hilarity did not ensue. But, for a little while, we weren't in cells alone. And, for a little while, I was held. Warm, and safe, and happy, and not alone. And nobody was screaming.

That was one of the worst times of my life. I don't talk about it much, but processing through shit right now, trying to get some order in the chaos. Somewhere in the top 10, too, probably. Couldn't protect anyone else, couldn't even protect myself. And even there, if there were good moments? Sweet moments? Then I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I believe everything is bad? I'm lying to myself. It's a cognitive distortion. My perception has taken a blow to the head. It happens from time to time. Because things can always get worse, it's never as bad as it could be, and I'm blinded. Not being able to see the good? Means I can't use it... When it's usually all around me. If I could only allow myself to see it.

So when I think only bad things happen? Or I hate everything about myself. Or I always/never/everything anything... I question my perception. And I fight like hell to be able to see. Have I broken? Absolutely. Many times over, in many different ways. Am I broken? Sure. Probably. But broken things can still be useful. A broken bottle makes a hell of a weapon.

 

[WillyKat]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how much it hurts.

Now this may sound just a little off the wall at this moment. However, looking back on my breakdowns, my crashes, all those times I hit bottom and thought I'd never rise--the "worst" ones were doors to something better. That said, I sure didn't see that at the time, but as I look back I see how they taught me things that later proved invaluable to the healing process.

When you hit bottom, you have to bounce. And as your doing so, look for the doorknob, look for the learning opportunity.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@FridayJones ...that is one of the first times, I had the honor of seeing you open up with part of your story. You have my utmost respect for sharing this to support another. Not enough words to say within this humbleness of awareness...

 

[Chava]

I relate a lot to the nervous breakdown feeling like an absence of good feelings and nothing but stress on top of stress on top of stress. This happened to me last fall and I feel like I was just one extra stressor away from the hospital. It is a terrible feeling. I worked very consciously to create any good or neutral experience I could....I'd walk my dog and not feel better for it, but knew it was good for me. Ultimately I needed to get off some fake hormones.

Whether I'm in depressed sort of stupor or a highly activated state, I get caught in what I think of as "all time"....the past, present, and future all glob together as the same thing. It's overwhelming. I feel like the past is continuing now and forever. For me it's a trauma thing and my therapist has helped me with ideas to catch myself when I'm caught in time like this. I also believe I've never felt good and never will. Lots of NEVER.

Part of my therapy and work on my own involves creating positive experiences in the present. I'm focused a lot on positive body experiences. I can't totally erase or maybe even heal all past trauma. But I can create new experiences, new sensations, re-wiring of sorts, so my body does not continually feel trapped within the same experience. So, for example, I got a dog, then a cuddly cat. I took some one-on-one yoga and karate lessons and found a small meditation group I felt okay at....none of this felt good immediately, but not terrible...so I stuck with this stuff. And any new thing that creates a positive experience has to become like a sort of chore I do repeatedly so I rewire my stuck feelings. Also, just moving helps...going for a walk, nothing major. It reminds me I am not trapped...I am literally moving at my own will.

So while I completely relate, I do hope you know you aren't trapped and you can create small good experiences right now. Eat a piece of candy, hug a teddy bear, watch a comedy, call an old friend, make a drawing, wash your prettiest sweater in the tub with lavender-scented bubbles, go for a little walk, search around I-tunes for a new favorite song, go hunting for pretty rocks, anything....I've had to be really patient knowing I can't change these deep patterns of powerlessness and isolation, but I am slowly-slowly creating my new life by a steady string of new and better experiences. It does take a lot of good tools for me to cut through major stress, so I hope you are working on finding what helps you.

:hug:

 

[sun seeker]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this. I can feel your pain.

I haven't had a nervous breakdown so bad that I couldn't cope with anything at all for a long period of time. More like a lot of less intense breakdowns over many years. Each one does erode my functioning so even when it is over, I don't bounce back quite as high as I was before. Over the past three years I've had some heavy blows involving loss of jobs, relationships, and family connections as well as some recovered memories that caused me to question much of what I had assumed was true about my life. Oh yes, and health problems. My level of functioning has gone down in that time but never broken altogether. There was a period of about two months when I could barely get out of bed and was afraid of just about everything, including leaving the house. Just recently I've connected that feeling with very early neglect. What got me out of that was serendipity: someone came into my life who needed my help. Responding to someone else's need got me on my feet again. I highly recommend it if you can manage at all.

Over these years my ability to do certain things has suffered. I've become almost a hermit because my already existing social anxiety ramped up so much. My finances have suffered because I have gotten more and more afraid to put myself out there to look for work. A friend asked me recently, trying to be helpful, how I could look for more clients, and I broke down sobbing and almost hyperventilating saying I just couldn't.

But even while all this is true, I wouldn't say there is nothing good in my life. Some days I don't have the capacity to FEEL good, certainly, but I know there is lots that IS good. And whenever I have the energy and clarity of mind, I do what I can to make my life better. It doesn't mean I'm more virtuous than someone who can't manage to get out of bed, not at all. It's just that doing something to help myself feels better than doing nothing. Even if it's going out for a walk or making a phone call, it's something that just might shift my mood.

I don't know the circumstances of your life, but one good thing is you've found this forum full of people who care. Can you open your heart to let that in?:hug::hug:

 

[KwanYingirl]

John Lennon wrote that he had been down so long it looked like up. I don't know why, but I found hope in this statement. It's so complicated, yet so simple. Kind of like life itself.

@FridayJones thanks for sharing. I am truly humbled.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

How do you know there is no balance? Would balance mean that every day an equal number of good things and bad things happen? Or every week? Every month? What if the concept is averaged out over a lifetime?

I have ALWAYS believed that the good balances out the bad. I also always believed that my bad stuff outweighed the good. In my mind I reconciled it by telling myself that my future is going to be fabulous. I have always believed that and I still believe it, as my life is indeed getting better. And when I lie on my death bed, I will be able to look back and say yes, I did have a great life, I worked toward improving things and my life got a whole helluva lot better because of it.

So keep pushing forward with the hope of a better tomorrow? That's what has gotten me through the rough times.

 

[LifeCutShort]

I would like to thank everyone for sharing their experience and insight on my post. Everyday is a struggle, and I hope a miracle happens to make it go away.