Supporter Never Giving Up

[RosieHeart]

I'm a supporter of my boyfriend he has non-combatant ptsd, we've been together for about seven months now we have a long distance relationship at the moment. I fell in love with him the first week we met and I fell hard.:inlove: He was charming and such a gentleman he was just over all sweet, the way he talked about animals and his passions captured my heart. I knew after he told me his past and everything he went through I knew what I was going to be getting into and that it was going to be hard that there was going to be bad days and really bad days but there's good days too and I find those worth all the hardship... But because we have a long distance relationship there's only so much I'm able to do and he's been pushing me away more and more each day for the past two months or so, he barely talks to me anymore it went from talking from morning until we fell asleep and we never spend time together like we use to. I told him I would always be here for him that i'm not going anywhere but its hard to be there for someone that pushes you away.. Then the day before he came to me and told me that he's losing his emotions that he cant stop it, he talks about suicide about if things don't go the way he wants them to, getting a job and moving out of his parents house then he might as well end it. I panic when he doesn't talk to me like today I get scared that he's having these thoughts that I'll lose him. But he wont seek help I've tried to talk to him about finding a doctor he said the meds will just make it worse. I don't know what to do anymore it hurts I feel so useless.:sorry:

 

[Lifetraveller]

Hey Ruby Heart,

I just have to say that although you may feel useless, when I read what you write I can see that you are certainly not useless.

The very fact that you're trying to get the best for the both of you in the situation means that you are not useless.

If I were in your shoes, I would look for therapy or peer support for partners of PTSD sufferers.

I'd also check out the forums on this site for messages from people who love someone with PTSD.

I wish you a good journey and helpful learning.

 

[Enaila]

For your own well being you need to set boundaries. It sounds like he is in denial and needs to get healthy so you both can have a healthy relationship.

My ex used to make such comments to me as a way of control. He did threaten suicide many times and included threatening to kill my baby first and then himself. I stayed with him trying to be supportive as a wife, but his moods were a constant rollercoaster. I later found out he was bi-polar and self medicating, but by then I had experienced nightly fears wondering if my boys and I would be shot or if I would wake up and find him gone beside me.

I know now I could not fix him....he had to want to get help for himself. While it is great you are supportive continue to encourage him to get professional help. Take care of your own emotional well-being first. It will help you be supportive in a healthy way.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I hope you can continue to encourage him to seek out treatment. Medication is only a part of what's available. Many people go to therapy and don't take medications at all.

He will ultimately have to make the choice to seek out treatment on his own. I mean it can't be forced upon him.

I'm concerned that he's unemployed and still living with his parents and seemingly unstable. Moving and getting a job can be major stressors. Is he prepared to make such great life changes? What were the circumstances that lead to his current living/unemployment status? I'm not trying to be critical-----rather, if he's quite stressed in the absence of 2 major life stressors, I'm worried how he will handle things once he moves and has a job.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum! :)

I hope you find the information and support here helpful.

 

[RosieHeart]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I hope you can continue to encourage him to seek out treatment. Medicat...

He left home when he was 18 and got a job at a early age, then later he went on to have his own small business dealing with animals. ( my boyfriend is 24 now) He ended up helping a friend out a few months ago and basically gave him his life savings now he has nothing he had to sale what ever he had left and gave up almost all his animals and had to move back home. From what he has told me his parents are a big part of his ptsd and that they don't even believe him when he told them about his problems. He's trying hard to find a good paying job so he can pay off his debt and find a place to live. All of this has put a heavy burden on him and stressed him out to no end. :(

 

[EveHarrington]

Thanks, I understand better now.

While a job and moving will be stressful, the benefit of being away from those who contributed to his PTSD will be great. It's almost impossible IMHO to heal when in the constant company of those who traumatized you.

I'm a bit concerned about the suicide talk as I believe this sort of thing always needs to be taken seriously even if someone isn't threatening to hurt themselves immediately.

I'm not sure what to advise other than to gently encourage him to seek help. If the suicide talk escalates, you could always call a suicide hotline to get guidance.

 

[RosieHeart]

Thanks, I understand better now.

While a job and moving will be stressful, the benefit of being...

Since he is a very serious man I take his talk about suicide to heart I panic and worry every time he says something about it, then when I ask if he's okay too much or he doesn't talk to me in lets say 4 hours he tells me I worry too much and that I need to stop thinking that something went wrong. It's hard because I cant be there with him at lest not yet he wants to wait until he gets a job and a place to live. When I talked to him about seeking help he always says he's afraid that they'll lock him up and that he'll never get out. I haven't dropped the issue but I wont push to hard because I know it'll just annoy him.

 

[EveHarrington]

No, he won't get locked up. That only happens when someone is an immediate threat to thrmselves or others. (Going to act on suicidal thoughts or threatening to hurt other people.) But-----I can understand that fear. Never getting out? That only happens in the most severe cases. State run psychiatric hospitals have been shut down in massive numbers. We are no longer in a lifelong lock em up and throw away the key kind of society.

Do you think he'd be open to posting here so that others with PTSD could encourage him and support him?

 

[RosieHeart]

No, he won't get locked up. That only happens when someone is an immediate threat to thrmselves o...

He's the one that sent me to this site so i'm not sure if he post on here or not but i'm guessing he doesn't since he does not like to talk to other people about his problems, He said so far i'm the only one that knows everything. But I might be able to get him to sooner or later he's a very stubborn man.