Never Had Sex Before...

[xena21]

I was just going off the recent thread that talked about marriage partners expecting sex. I didn't want to hijack that thread so I thought I'd start a different one.

I have never had sex beyond when I was raped and abused as a child. I wonder how many other people are in that category? To me sex is absolutely disgusting in every part and way. I can't imagine ever having an intimate relationship with anyone and getting married.

I can't even look at my body in the miror. I don't go to female doctors appointments and stay away from everything related to the human body. To me its absolutely disgusting beyond words. Does anyone relate to this?

 

[ellienad]

*raising my hand* You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. I've never been able to think about sex as an enjoyable thing, the thought of it has even been repulsive at times. Honestly, sex absolutely terrifies me.

 

[Ti Vu]

I can relate. Thinking about it now is unsettling. And like you said, repulsive.

 

[mytai]

This is one of the many reasons why I never want to date again, or marry - I've never had consensual sex before and the thought of it terrifies/disgusts me. I'm perfectly ok with never having sex.

 

[ellienad]

I want to be able to have sex, get married, have kids...but it's like there's a huge roadblock in the way. I'm curious, have any of you attempted to bring this up to your therapist and work through some of it? How did things go? I've brought it up very lightly once or twice, but usually get so uncomfortable I don't get very far.

 

[xena21]

I wish I could bring it up to my therapist in a way to actually make headway, but I haven't even got to my past yet with her. I can't even discuss what happened to me, so discussing y current sex life is so far removed it seems like I will never get to that part.

As a teenager I had dreams like most girls or boys that age. I thought I would some day have a family that would be there to protect me. As I saw it sex wasn't really about having a good time. It was about procreating to protect the family. I believed I needed protection into the future. I never realized I would never get to that point. I thought I would learn to live with it. I know its not going to happen now. I'm 42 and It's just not going to happen.

The disgust is even worse now than I was as a child. More things have happened but I am so distant in that department that I will never touch another human being intimately if I don't have to. It's sad that my dreams like that will never be even touched in any way≥ Such simple realistic dreams that everyone thinks about, and almost unfortunately most people do it like putting on a pair of pants. Just the topic is making me shake my head now. Whoa...

 

[ellienad]

Ran across a book on Amazon called "The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Create Your Own Empowered Sexuality After Childhood Sexual Abuse" and thought of this thread. Just reading the preview/beginning that's available on amazon has been enlightening. Here's a link: Dead Link Removed

 

[xena21]

Thanks for the information!