New And Alone

[Nighthawk]

I am new here and am feeling raw, alone, vulnerable, and extremely lost. I have known that I have had PTSD for the last 12 or 13 years. I knew I was affected but never sought out help. After many years I learnt to control some of my side effects to some degree and thought I had a handle on things, except panic attacks.

I just recently quit smoking and have discovered that several of my other issues are and have been related to the PTSD. Hyper vigilance, alienation, not being able to sleep, avoidance I guess I could just keep going on. Since this awareness has come about I am finding it hard to breath am crying a lot and I am feeling extremely alone, At the same time I feel like the few people I have let into my world over the past few years I am pushing them out. I just want to retreat and hide. I know this feeling well and I am an expert in achieving this goal I have worked extremely hard just to be around small groups of people over the last two years after being a hermit and staying home and safe for 9 or 10 years.

The emotional imbalance is extreme and I feel as though quitting smoking has opened so many old wounds and anxiety issues, that I believe I had packed away. I don’t know who to talk to but I needed to vent I need to scream and I really need help but don’t trust therapists. I am really feeling lost.

Thank you

 

[Inouk]

Welcome to this forum Nightwalk - If you take the time to surf this forum you will soon notice that you are not alone. Take time to read some of the threads or articles. They may help you vent or even provide ways that suit you in managing your emotions. One thing is for sure: The support from members here is tremendous.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Warm regards,

Inouk :-0)

 

[Nighthawk]

Thank you for your responce. I'm in a total panic mode today and am not finding anything to calm me down. I have been on and off the site for most of the day just reading. Many of the posts and articles I have read are helpful. I must admit it has had no effect on the way I feel today.

 

[kers]

It takes time to learn ways to calm down and manage symptoms. Take it easy on yourself.

 

[amethist]

Hi Nighthawk

Welcome to the forum.

It takes a lot of time effort and patience on your part to find ways which suit you, ways to help keep you calm and stop going into full panic mode. There are so many different methods that can help, as other members will tell you, no two people respond the same way to any of them.

Keep reading how others have moved past this stage, yes they do have times when it all falls apart, but then they pick back up and work back to the balanced person again. It is a slow process, nothing changes over night, but keep chipping away at it, it will make a difference.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[Nighthawk]

Thankfully the overewhelming panic is gone today. I can't grasp how after 13 years of this being with me I have only recently acknowledged that several other issues were a part of the PTSD. This knowledge has set of sparks and anxiety levels that are almost impossible to deal with. I also wanted to say thank you to all the kind words and support, being on and around the site yesterday was very helpful.

 

[Nighthawk]

Well after all the worms were let out of there cans in my head, and the anger got to a level of extreme I called the doctor to see if I could lower the dosage of the medication I am taking to help me quit smoking. Low and behold I did that on Monday and the human has come back. Unfortunately some damage has been done and I will have to deal with the lasting affects . My anxiety levels are heightened all the time. The rocks I have in my shoulders are killing me and I am more aware of my PTSD than I have been in years.

I know I have not shared my traumars on the forum. When I can actually confront writing some of them down and sharing them I will. I am worried of the re precaution that might have on me at the moment.

Thank you again to the forum and this site for allowing me to be who I am and really not feel alone and like a weird alien on this planet.

 

[intothelight]

Are you taking Chantix to stop smoking? PTSD sufferers using this product can experience horrible side effects. I was one. Something you might want to discuss with your doctor.

Intothelight

 

[Nighthawk]

This is exactly what I am taking. I thought I was going through the roof. It was so bad I can't even put it into words. I am still having issues but plan on stopping the pills as soon as possible. I have an appointment to go in on Monday.

Thank you so much for your response intothelight.

 

[Tinyflame]

Also associated with (potentially) increased risk of suicide.