Sufferer New And Confused

[Pencil]

Welcome, Pencil!
You have come to the right place for finding people who have struggled with some of things you have had to deal with. We can learn a lot from each other, and in the meantime, maybe help someone else along the way.

It is worth the work of finding out who you are under all that pain.

I was a 'hermit' for around 7 years (in the 90's) until I was so uncomfortable with that, that I reached out for help and therapy. I had lost a child, my job, a marriage, then my mind for awhile.


AKJ

Thank you for the time and effort to respond to my post, Angelkeeper.

I can't imagine losing a child - I understand you losing your mind. My daughter is 6 (conceived while I was 'gone' - but that is another story) and she is the main thing that motivates me to get through this, and whole. I only started making sense of what has been going on my whole life, three months ago, so all of this is new to me, but when I read about ptsd and attachment issues it is like a map of my life. I was previously (15 years ago) tentatively diagnosed with something 'bpd-ish', but no matter how much I read about bpd I could never relate. Then I met someone with bpd and new for a fact that bpd was definitely NOT a correct diagnosis for me. And so I completely gave up trying to figure out what was going on and spent all my time and energy trying to 'discipline' myself into getting rid of my nonsense, which I now realise were ptsd symptoms.

I find it very odd to realize that I made it impossible for a professional to even suspect ptsd as I was hell bent on 'getting over' my past, and therefore minimized to the nth degree.

I joined this site after the third person / therapist decided I was 'too complex' to work with. I was resentful and spent some time eating worms. After having read some of the posts here, I decided to take the plunge and set up an appointment with another psychologist. I don't want an immature response to the wrong therapists to rob me of whatever chance I have to deal with some or all of my stuff.

I must admit - I am sh%t scared though.

I love the singing in church - the idea of a hermit of lost mind being so fully in the community is something that really gives me hope. Thank you for that.

Pencil

 

[Whitneys story]

Hi and Welcome to the Forum! I wish you success on your journey. There is a lot of information here, take your time. You are not alone! Whitney

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I agree with what everyone has said. You are not alone anymore. This is a great place to heal in. I have recieved alot of healing since I came here. I am sorry for your pain, anguish, and loneliness which can be the worst sometimes. I have had both good and bad therapist that I had to fire. It is nice to meet you.

 

[Smushroom]

Welcome Pencil. I too have no 'support structure' (well, with the exception of my not so reliable T) My family do not, and can not know. I feel I am very controlled too. I will do anything to protect this secret.

This forum is my 'support' network, and even though I don't know anyone personally, I do feel supported here :) I hope we can support you too!

 

[Pencil]

Hi and Welcome to the Forum! I wish you success on your journey. There is a lot of information here, take your time. You are not alone! Whitney

Thanks Whitney!

 

[Pencil]

N

I am sorry for your pain, anguish, and loneliness which can be the worst sometimes. I have had both good and bad therapist that I had to fire. It is nice to meet you.

Thank you, and it's nice meeting you to Gizmo! :)

 

[Pencil]

This forum is my 'support' network, and even though I don't know anyone personally, I do feel supported here :) I hope we can support you too!

Thanks, Smushroom.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Hi Pencil and welcome.

I'd just like to say I share that feeling of being at a loss to do. I've actually had a terrible time with therapists myself. I had one that wouldn't let me voice my problems, she would only work on biofeedback with me. I had another who said "I don't think we should meet anymore until you can learn to control yourself." He basically wanted nothing to do with me. I had another that agreed to see me. Little did I realize that for him treatment was only sessions and then BAM gave me the boot.

I'm so sorry your support team has failed you. I know that feeling keenly.

But since then I've managed to find a therapist who fits my needs. And I hope you can do the same. It takes a great deal of time and work but it's worth it. I essentially did a man hunt of what kind of therapist I wanted. I interviewed several of them, gave a brief background then asked them what they could do for me. It threw them off for a bit because it was basically an Inquisition on my end. I told them what I wanted for treatment and asked what they offered in return. It was all business. But it got the job done. Because therapy is about YOU. It's the time to make you feel safe so that you can take the strides to healing. And a good therapist is essential. That's the time when it's ok to be completely self obsorbed and selfish.

Don't let yourself feel put down by these "professionals". They just aren't up to par. So please don't give up on that front.

 

[Pencil]

Thanks for your response Phoenix. I realise I now have to start interviewing - and not very keen ,but your post makes it sound so doable - thanks for that.

 

[anthony]

Welcome to PTSD Forum.

 

[Pencil]

Welcome to PTSD Forum.

Thanks Anthony!

 

[nimkekaa]

I have been diagnosed with "complex PTSD" by a phyciatrist. (even though complex is not a real diagnosis, that is what my report says)

I have found this forum to be very informative and supportive. I'm sure you will too.

Welcome!