Hello to all, I found this site browsing the internet searching for information about combat ptsd. I do not have it, but someone I care for very much does. I'm a writer so I will try and sum the background story up quickly:smile:.
I got in touch with a high school friend back in December. Initially we had actually gotten in touch 3 years prior via internet, but never spoke. He ended up getting married and we lost touch. Ahead to Dec- well, turns out his marriage didn't last long. And we ended up speaking and immediately there was a connection. We spent 5 hours on the phone the first night, 4 hours the second, and seemed inseperable via the phone for a few weeks. Within these conversations I learned he had combat ptsd. But he was very open about it, open about wanting to go back to therapy, and about his experiences. He definitely led the conversation to give me the impression that this could be a long term relationship, and there was definite chemistry- yes over the phone;)
There were a few times where he seemed to get distant, but he apologized and told me that sometimes he just doesn't want to talk to anyone. With the research I was doing I understood that.
His divorce was only final about 7 months ago, so really still a fresh wound. She was an alcoholic who would yell at him and he told me she just made him feel like crap about himself. I'm sure this did not help the ptsd.
I lost my job and decided recently to take a leap of faith and move to the same area. I did not say it was for him, there were several reasons for the move, but I will be honest and say that if we did not live in the same area, nothing would ever work. And he is beyond worth the risk. He was ok with the idea but I rarely discussed my moving plans as to not make him feel like he had anything to do with it.
After all of the talk in the beginning of our friendship about pursuing a relationship, there was a switch and he started to tell me that he had so many things he needed to work on that he was not ready for a relationship. This I understood, relationships do not happen overnight. Never the less he still called and we still spoke for hours almost daily.
So I get here, and we meet with some mutual friends for the first time in 14 years! Yes, there was chemistry.....and a lot to drink! You can do the math. I have told this man things that I have never shared with another man, so he knows what certain things mean to me. While we were drinking though, he started talking about the war and got emotional, at one point he wanted to leave and be alone, but he ended up coming with me. Along the way he went into how damaged he was, he can't be in a relationship right now and he's not a good person. Not how I see him AT ALL. But he is clearly in so much pain.
The night came and went and I was very light about it. It meant the world to me, but I know the state he is in.
He called the next night and we spoke for a couple of hours, but nothing about what had happened. But again he threw out there that he needs to be alone. I didn't say anything, I get it, but he doesn't need to keep saying it. We spoke a few more times, then Fri he asks me if I wanted to meet a couple of his friends.....so I met him out...
Well, he seemed to be in ptsd mode that night, when first thing he makes a comment to me about how he just wants to fight someone, I asked what was wrong and he said nothing he just woke up feeling that way. I probably should have let things lie.....at the end of the night, I decide to be brave and go in to kiss him. He gets close, then pulls away again telling me that he can't be in a relationship. Ok I get it, I get it. He said I didn't and we ended up "arguing" about it for 2 hours. He said that he's killed so many people, that he had to pick up the bodies of his friends, that I have no idea what life is like with him, that he wakes up crying, will stare at nothing.. I told him there is nothing that he can tell me that is going to change the way I feel about him. He still does not have closure in his marriage either. He told me that if I pressured him he would never speak to me again ( I have never pressured him), that I should go out and find someone better for me (this killed me being that one week prior I basically opened myself up to him completely), that if he thought it was going to be detrimental to me he would limit time spent with me. He's NEVER said anything like any of this to me.
I understand all of this. It just got to a point where I couldn't talk about it anymore and ended the convesation. I didn't know where we were at friendship or otherwise at this point.
The next day was the worst day ever. I can't remember the last time I felt so awful, literally cried with short pauses from the moment I woke up.
He text me at 1am which I didn't hear, so I didn't respond. So he calls me 30 minutes later. NOTHING was said about the intense night before. We just talked for an hour and a half about things we always talk about.
Then last night he calls again and we talk for another hour and a half. We usually have very long phone conversations, about the same kind of stuff. He threw in little comments again about how he is going to die at an old age SINGLE. (Good grief! _ I get it....sort of!)
He truly is the most amazing man I have ever met, is truly caring and concerned for the feelings of others. And he is dealing with so much pain, pain I know I will never understand. But I am, without a doubt, falling in love with him.
I am listening to his words about being alone, but it is practically impossible not to have hope that they are just words as there is some part of him that needs to talk to me for hours. I think it helps him in some way. Or am I just refusing to hear what he is telling me?
I know there will be times when he is here, then goes, then is here, then goes.....and I am 100% willing to walk through fire with him to get him to where he is needed. My greatest fear is him needing me to draw him out of his shell and me not understanding how to do so. Right now I know he just needs me to be his friend, which I am and always will be.
OMG- this is so long!! Sorry for the LONG backstory, but there you have it. I feel this forum is a great support as most here can certainly understand that most friends and family do not understand why we stay. And at this point, I just need some support so that my heart can be strong when maybe his cannot.
Thanks for reading:hello:
I got in touch with a high school friend back in December. Initially we had actually gotten in touch 3 years prior via internet, but never spoke. He ended up getting married and we lost touch. Ahead to Dec- well, turns out his marriage didn't last long. And we ended up speaking and immediately there was a connection. We spent 5 hours on the phone the first night, 4 hours the second, and seemed inseperable via the phone for a few weeks. Within these conversations I learned he had combat ptsd. But he was very open about it, open about wanting to go back to therapy, and about his experiences. He definitely led the conversation to give me the impression that this could be a long term relationship, and there was definite chemistry- yes over the phone;)
There were a few times where he seemed to get distant, but he apologized and told me that sometimes he just doesn't want to talk to anyone. With the research I was doing I understood that.
His divorce was only final about 7 months ago, so really still a fresh wound. She was an alcoholic who would yell at him and he told me she just made him feel like crap about himself. I'm sure this did not help the ptsd.
I lost my job and decided recently to take a leap of faith and move to the same area. I did not say it was for him, there were several reasons for the move, but I will be honest and say that if we did not live in the same area, nothing would ever work. And he is beyond worth the risk. He was ok with the idea but I rarely discussed my moving plans as to not make him feel like he had anything to do with it.
After all of the talk in the beginning of our friendship about pursuing a relationship, there was a switch and he started to tell me that he had so many things he needed to work on that he was not ready for a relationship. This I understood, relationships do not happen overnight. Never the less he still called and we still spoke for hours almost daily.
So I get here, and we meet with some mutual friends for the first time in 14 years! Yes, there was chemistry.....and a lot to drink! You can do the math. I have told this man things that I have never shared with another man, so he knows what certain things mean to me. While we were drinking though, he started talking about the war and got emotional, at one point he wanted to leave and be alone, but he ended up coming with me. Along the way he went into how damaged he was, he can't be in a relationship right now and he's not a good person. Not how I see him AT ALL. But he is clearly in so much pain.
The night came and went and I was very light about it. It meant the world to me, but I know the state he is in.
He called the next night and we spoke for a couple of hours, but nothing about what had happened. But again he threw out there that he needs to be alone. I didn't say anything, I get it, but he doesn't need to keep saying it. We spoke a few more times, then Fri he asks me if I wanted to meet a couple of his friends.....so I met him out...
Well, he seemed to be in ptsd mode that night, when first thing he makes a comment to me about how he just wants to fight someone, I asked what was wrong and he said nothing he just woke up feeling that way. I probably should have let things lie.....at the end of the night, I decide to be brave and go in to kiss him. He gets close, then pulls away again telling me that he can't be in a relationship. Ok I get it, I get it. He said I didn't and we ended up "arguing" about it for 2 hours. He said that he's killed so many people, that he had to pick up the bodies of his friends, that I have no idea what life is like with him, that he wakes up crying, will stare at nothing.. I told him there is nothing that he can tell me that is going to change the way I feel about him. He still does not have closure in his marriage either. He told me that if I pressured him he would never speak to me again ( I have never pressured him), that I should go out and find someone better for me (this killed me being that one week prior I basically opened myself up to him completely), that if he thought it was going to be detrimental to me he would limit time spent with me. He's NEVER said anything like any of this to me.
I understand all of this. It just got to a point where I couldn't talk about it anymore and ended the convesation. I didn't know where we were at friendship or otherwise at this point.
The next day was the worst day ever. I can't remember the last time I felt so awful, literally cried with short pauses from the moment I woke up.
He text me at 1am which I didn't hear, so I didn't respond. So he calls me 30 minutes later. NOTHING was said about the intense night before. We just talked for an hour and a half about things we always talk about.
Then last night he calls again and we talk for another hour and a half. We usually have very long phone conversations, about the same kind of stuff. He threw in little comments again about how he is going to die at an old age SINGLE. (Good grief! _ I get it....sort of!)
He truly is the most amazing man I have ever met, is truly caring and concerned for the feelings of others. And he is dealing with so much pain, pain I know I will never understand. But I am, without a doubt, falling in love with him.
I am listening to his words about being alone, but it is practically impossible not to have hope that they are just words as there is some part of him that needs to talk to me for hours. I think it helps him in some way. Or am I just refusing to hear what he is telling me?
I know there will be times when he is here, then goes, then is here, then goes.....and I am 100% willing to walk through fire with him to get him to where he is needed. My greatest fear is him needing me to draw him out of his shell and me not understanding how to do so. Right now I know he just needs me to be his friend, which I am and always will be.
OMG- this is so long!! Sorry for the LONG backstory, but there you have it. I feel this forum is a great support as most here can certainly understand that most friends and family do not understand why we stay. And at this point, I just need some support so that my heart can be strong when maybe his cannot.
Thanks for reading:hello:
