General New Carer Looking For Guidance

[Mr. Clean]

I recently learned that I am a Carer for a PTSD Sufferer. Desperation has led me to this forum as predicted in the For New Carers sticky. I immediately realized the potential for learning, understanding, and support that this forum can provide. I also realize that I have a lot to learn. Just an example, I dont even know what the term Boundaries is when used in the posts I've read.

One aspect of my situation that is different than most of what I have been able to find is that my sufferer's PTSD stems from physical and sexual abuse as a child. Most of what I can find is centered around war trauma.

Would someone help guide me in the right direction? I want to learn as much as I can so that I can become a better Carer. We have been together for 11 yrs and have 2 small children. I have a lot to fight for and am determined to do whatever is needed.

Where can I find resources for Carers for victims of sexual/physical abuse?
How do I determine what actions of mine are enablers?
How do I emotionally protect my children (not from abuse, just from the Mother's depression, anxiety, and inability to cope with everyday situations)
How do I support someone who has just diagnosed and started therapy. Which is opening Pandora's box and causing a deep downward spiral.
What do I do to ensure I don't get pulled into despair and depression myself?
What info should I provide for better assistance?

Thank you.......

Mr. Clean

 

[ISupportHer]

Try "Allies in Healing:When the person you love was was sexually abused as a child" By Laura Davis.
Available at Amazon, also is on the shelf at my local Barnes & Noble book store.

Also try "Ghosts in the Bedroom: A guide for partners of incest survivors" by Ken Graber. Also available at Amazon

If you do a search here on the forum, I have posted in the past about how these books helped me. They are not "all will be OK" books. Frank discussions and not only helps explain why some things you see in a partner are occurring but also some of what we feel as the partners/supporters.

As one who may have tread the path you are one a few years ahead of you, no situations are exactly the same and I am by no means an expert, but I would say that I hope you can get a grasp on how you feel about it, look at yourself first. I am not articulating it well.

The "Ghosts" book, as I recall, starts with OUR feelings first. Some guys in particular may have trouble with the whole sexual component. The importance of expressing absolute support and belief in what your parnert says happened, etc.

Hope these books help. Actually, you may not even have to buy them. They may be at your public library.

ISH

 

[ISupportHer]

One addition that I always mention to new people.

Don't discount what you may learn from others with other circumstances. True, there may be some differences when dealing with sexual traumas vs. military trauma or anything else. But there are many similarities in responses and you can learn from any other person here.

Dissociation was one thing I kind of struggled to understand. There have been sufferers who helped ME by trusting enough to kind of explain their own experiences, therefore helping me learn.

Hope you find the help YOU are looking for

ISH

 

[charlieb]

Hi Mr Clean,
I've found "the post traumatic stress source book" a good starting point to begin understanding what your partner is going through. I'm in a similar situation, two young kids and married to a long term/recently diagnosed PTSD sufferer.

Probably the best advice I've taken since coming here is the need to look after yourself too, it may sound selfish but your primary concern needs to be your children and yourself. I've been in situations where I've begun to question my own mental health after being on the end of bad days/weeks.

Take care, stay strong
Charlie