Sufferer New here-Age 64-A life that didn't get to happen

[Laroussa]

I was abused by my family from infancy. I can see now that my father's severe mental illness and decline allowed mom and sis to take out their emotional overload on me. Dad took his anger out on me early on as well. It was psychological and physical. I went No Contact with all family 20 years ago and am free (for the most part) of the attachment--trauma bond. I am not free of the people-pleasing go to socially. I've been socially uncomfortable and very awkward from early school memories to this day. I can't deeply connect and feel like life is happening from a distance. I've had my fill of failure related to repeated ostracism--school, work, social. My spouse developed BvFTD early in our marriage and I've been his caregiver since 2014. I have little ability to do things for myself like a hobby. Motivation is low, follow through is low. I do meet the responsibilities of running a home, but not much more. I have an exercise coach daily. There is so much fatigue and disregulation that I am frustrated by. It has been a hard life and now I am getting old without having really lived.

 

[Riley Jones]

I am truly sorry to hear about the incredibly difficult experiences you have endured throughout your life. It takes immense resilience to navigate through such traumatic events, and it's evident that you have shown strength in taking steps to protect yourself by going No Contact with your family.

The effects of childhood abuse and ongoing caregiving responsibilities can certainly leave lasting impacts on one's mental and emotional well-being. It sounds like you have been carrying a heavy burden for a long time, and it's completely understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed and fatigued.

I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing your story here. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be a valuable source of support. In addition to the peer support you can find here, seeking professional help from a trauma-informed therapist or counselor may also be beneficial in your healing journey.

On myptsd.com, there are specific forums where you can explore various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD, such as discussing personal experiences, coping strategies, and self-care tips. You are not alone in this, and there are people who are here to listen and support you. Please remember to take care of yourself and reach out for help when you need it.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum.

now I am getting old without having really lived.

Hopefully this place helps you move closer towards a place where your best days are ahead of you. I relate to the feeling the ptsd stole a lot of my life - I’m doing my best to make sure that there are things in my future that are going to make up for it. Right now matters way more than yesterday.

 

[arfie]

hello laroussa. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

as one who is old enough to check you for diaper rash, it's never too late to heal and start living fully. healing happens. i hope it happens to you.

welcome aboard. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

Hello @Laroussa. Fellow life long abuse sufferer here, so I hope you know that you are not alone. I too went no contact and it was probably the best thing I ever did as it stops further abuse, but it doesn't stop the pain of the past. You have to remind yourself daily that it is in the past and tomorrow is yours to make better than yesterday.

But rest assured that this is a very safe space, and we really don't mind if you pop and post in everyday or just when you feel able; we won't and don't judge, we just want to support and help if we can and you are among friends here.

You say in your introduction title that you are 64 - and that's really not old, especially by todays standards; I hope you have plenty of fulfilling life ahead of you.

Welcome.

 

[Brumbyinthesunshine]

Welcome to the forum.


Hopefully this place helps you move closer towards a place where your best days are ahead of you. I relate to the feeling the ptsd stole a lot of my life - I’m doing my best to make sure that there are things in my future that are going to make up for it. Right now matters way more than yesterday.

@Sideways - There is such comfort in all these words of yours. Thank you.
This - "right now matters way more than yesterday" .

@Laroussa your title or thread subject brought tears to my eyes- trust me when I say there are both -sufferers and supporters that feel this way. As someone younger than you are - the wickedness, turmoil, the cruelty and daily injustice has had me feeling like you .
It's worse when the moment of restoration and redemption ,healing arrive and thats senselessly snatched away too.

No judgement here - live for today - please don't draw from yesterday's empty well( this goes for me too).

Wishing you better days ahead.

 

[Friday]

I f*cking HATE getting older, in so many different ways. But? That’s who we are, and where we are. 17 in our heads, 54,000 (or nearish) in reality. Old. Fat. Broken. Whatever.It’ll be worse in 20 years. That’s about damn guaranteed. So if you want changes? Go after them. Now.