General New Here.. Introduction

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Me too, Angus. I have no doubt you are supportive just from this interaction on this forum. You are doing the right thing. Being there. See, every time I don't know what to do about my state of emotions I want to leave.... move... I have been struggling with this lately... In June, I thought of giving up my home and living on the road ... just to change my frame of mind .... the problem is I have a man in my life for the first time in 6 years and I'm afraid one day too soon, he may be gone and I'm once again, alone. So, my distorted thinking makes plans to leave first before he leaves me ... But, he doesn't want to go anywhere ... we both have PTSD ... he knows my head games better than me and calls me out! Vice-versa... I know I need to stay put. Maybe your wife will realize this too. Again, take care ... give yourself a break too.

 

[Angus McGee]

I think more than anything else, I miss the affection. She has never been very affectionate, but lately, there has been none. That's the toughest thing on me.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Angus, write her a poem about how you miss her touch... you don't have to be a pro to write prose. It just has to come from your heart... Give her something she can hold in her hands, read with her eyes 'how' much you love her and stand by her. She can reread until it sinks in and she is free from the prison she has locked herself in.

 

[Angus McGee]

I did do something like that a few weeks ago. I said "save this message, and refer to it as you go through your treatment."

It said how much I loved her, and am there to support her, etc.

Good idea, btw.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Way to go! See, positive minds working alike....

 

[Angus McGee]

There is this single lady in our church that is friends with almost everyone. My daughter saw her yesterday. She told my daughter that she might be getting engaged to her boyfriend soon. When I heard this, I was happy for her. When my wife heard it, she was disappointed. Apparently, she had the two of us hooked up after we got divorced.

Honestly, I don't know how to feel. Hurt is my number one emotion. I don't know what else to do.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Are you sure 'after' a divorce ... she would not hurt herself would she?

 

[Angus McGee]

I don't think so. She said she has thought about it in the past, but I think she is past that point.

 

[Foxtrot]

Angus, I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman who is doing many of the same things your wife is doing. I think what helps for me is to talk to my friends, to read this forum, and to get outside and do some of the things I love to do. Horseback riding is a big inner-peacemaker for me, for example. My gal continues to push me away saying things like I'll find another girl or even saying things like "we'll find you another girl" similarly to how your wife envisioned you with the single woman in church. Very tough stuff, but when I talked it through with my friends, particularly one very good buddy who is a bishop in his church and has counseled many people, I felt much better.

I also talked with a good female friend of mine to get her perspective. They all point out stuff that I intuitively know, but really don't realize until they verbalize it. I guess the point of all this is to see maybe if your wife has some patterns. For example, my GF does, she does a push/pull thing and I just have to ride out the tough times and gut it up. So it's somewhat predictable.

My question for a wider audience is frankly, are PTSD sufferers prone to patterns? Do they all do the push pull thing? And lastly, how about counseling for the care giver to learn techniques to deal with PTSD. Is that a good idea? Just some random thoughts and questions. Pray a bunch, Angus.

 

[Angus McGee]

I'm in prayer every morning, and throughout the day, Foxtrot. I have the same "escape" as you, except mine is my motorcycle.

My wife doesn't seem to be doing the "pull" part of the push/pull. She has kept me at arm's distance for several months now. It seems we are at a new normal in our relationship.

 

[Angus McGee]

Something else that seems to be a recurring theme is the fact that our mortgage is more than our house is worth. She keeps bringing that up, and suggesting that we walk away from the mortgage, and get separate residences. I've told her that I don't think thats a good idea for so many reasons.

It almost seems to me that she is using the devalue of our house as an excuse to validate other feelings she has in her head.

Any thoughts group?

 

[Angus McGee]

Hey there Angus, hang in there.

There is a lot of good advice coming your way. It has only been a short time. Don't give up on her just yet - distorted thinking is the enemy of PTSD sufferers - we imagine more what our loved ones and others think of us than the reality of their perception and situations. PTSD sufferers tend to make harsh, emotional decisions based on distorted thinking.

This makes perfect sense for something else that's been going on. Like many, if not most Americans, we owe more on our house than the house is worth. She is constantly forwarding email she gets from zillow.com about how much less our house is worth. Today, she showed me our bill, and how little of it goes to the principal vs. How much goes to interest.

She wants to walk away from our house, and mail the keys to the mortgage co. The thing is, if/when we do move, she wants her own place. It seems to me, she is using the depreciating home value as an excuse to separate. To me, not only is walking away from the mortgage a bad idea, but so is our separating. I have told her that, and it seems she is holding it against me.

I also have told her she is free to go if that's what she truly want to do, but I don't want to lose the house, regard.regarded of how much, or how little it's worth.

Thoughts?