Relationship New Here, Trying To Figure Out This Thing Called Ptsd

[lynruss]

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD. We are in our late fifties and have been married almost two years. Just before we got married he witnessed a suicide and we are certain that is what has brought on the PTSD. He was in counseling but has since stopped saying he can't afford it. We are fortunate in that he has made improvement and has more good days than bad.

However, his 21 yr old daughter wants to come to live with us from another state. She has a history of drug abuse, shoplifting and all around bad choices. I told him yesterday that I didn't think it was a good idea and not good for his stress level to have her here. He thanked me for telling him how I felt and said he never wanted to talk about it again. He then got that wild look in his eye and hasn't spoken to me since.

I know leaving him alone for now is the best thing for me, but Its difficult because I'm the kind of person that likes to talk things out. But of course, my sensible side says to not give him any more stress and let it ride for awhile.

I would love input and experience from others! thanks in advance.

 

[amethist]

A daughter with problems will not help his mental health lynruss. He needs to be able to live stress free if at all possible.

I would leave it a few days and then try again talking to him about it. Maybe he does not want her there, but does not have the heart to say no to her.

I know my husband has problems saying no, but even he would refuse this.

 

[all_akimbo]

My heart goes out to you. When I read things that supporters struggle with I feel so bad about all the things mine has put up with. I don't know how you guys do it. I can tell you from a sufferer's perspective that your willingness to be patient (so obvious from your post) and not take it personally, will help your sufferer so much. This trigger might be really really bad for him. He may feel frustrated that he can't help his daughter and he knows the reality when a person gets so lost that they can't find their way back. Maybe he blames himself for her troubles (we tend to do that a lot).

You are so wonderful to be there for him. You are so brave to be honest about your thoughts and concerns. I'd like you to know that I believe (from what you've said here) that you are doing everything right.

Don't forget to take care of yourself in the meantime. Hugs to you.

 

[lynruss]

Thanks to both of you. I am finding this forum both helpful and comforting. I can see that I will be here more in the future!

 

[Bluejoy]

I really don't know what to tell you about the daughter. But I hear you as a strong person that is reaching out and I can support you in speaking your thoughts and truth and i hear you. It is very inportant for me to speak and be heard. Blessing Bluejoy:)

 

[LizardViolet]

lynruss, I think your instincts are correct, that your husband's daughter's presence would increase your household stress levels, but that this isn't something you can push him about.

I'm glad to hear that his ptsd improved with some therapy. Have either of you looked into EMDR therapy? It can be very effective for ptsd, and it is usually short-term, so it might be within his/your budget.

 

[lynruss]

No, I don't know anything about EMDR therapy , but I certainly will do some research on it. thanks!

 

[safenow]

He then got that wild look in his eye and hasn't spoken to me since.

I agree with you that having her there is going to cause more issues. From that look, (my husband used to do that regarding his kids), I'd say for you to leave it alone. Be careful of that relationship (he and his daughter). If she is struggling, and he is struggling, there might also be some dynamics from the time before y'all got married.

 

[lynruss]

Today I am feeling resentment and I don' like myself when I feel this way. I resent that i have to be the main financial provider , that there is lack of intimacy in our relationship and now his daughter coming to live with us and I have to support her (in more ways than one). I'm just tired......
I am usually a optimistic, sunshine type person. But today.......not so much.

 

[Toria]

I find that resentment can creep in quite quickly with me - and I don't like it much either! But I think it is human nature to "feel a bit sorry for ourselves" sometimes - why me, why him, why us etc etc. I'm sorry I don't have the answer, but you are not alone in feeling that way.