New Here!

[nicoleanne06]

Hi everyone, my name is Nicole I am 25 and have had quite a bit of trauma in my life- rape, sexual assault and domestic violence. I have spent almost 10 years running from my traumas and have since incurred new traumas after the initial. I have overcome drug/alcohol addiction (7 years sober) and an eating disorder as well as self injury. Things have been going great, or so I thought, for the past year. Everything over the past couple months seem to be crumbling down. Flashbacks, memories and nightmares are back and I seem to be living in a constant state of fear again. I am very hyper-vigilant and catch myself tensing my muscles. Is it possible to have a "relapse" of PTSD or would it mean that the PTSD never went away just was under the radar for a while? I just started seeing a new trauma therapist who I believe will end up doing some good for me but I am having a very difficult time connecting to emotions. I shared my DV story to her yesterday and had no emotions. I can't seem to be able to allow men to get close to me and am scared that I will never be able to do so and will never have a husband and father for my son.

Sorry this ended up being longer than planned! Glad to "meet" ya'll.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi,
PTSD never really goes away. It can get better but the truth is that if we don't take care to minimize our stress and have a higher level of self care, we will be subject to spikes in symptoms.

Many argue that PTSD is curable but the truth is that trauma changes us forever. We may go through extended periods of time with no symptoms, but there is always a possibility of symptoms returning when we are exposed to triggers/stress.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Hey @nicoleanne06 and welcome to the forum! Here you will find many with similar life stories - including me. We all try our best to offer each other understanding and support through this often difficult and painful journey.

Congratulations on 7 years of sobriety!!! I too, have a history which includes addiction and recovery, so I know that's no small feat!

I can also relate to having periods of time where "things were going great," only to have the come crashing down around me......again. Is this the first time you've worked with a actual trauma therapist?

I have seen many, many therapists and psychiatrists over the years, starting at a pretty young age, but I only just started seeing a trauma therapist last Fall. So, it's the first time I've specifically addressed my traumas (which includes childhood neglect and emotional abuse, suspected early childhood sexual abuse, 3 rapes, and sexual assault), and all its effects. It's a world different from seeing a general therapist, for sure. And if this is your first time working with a trauma therapist, it is not surprising it's stirring things up for you.

One of my biggest symptoms currently is being numb or, as you said, disconnected from my emotions. I don't have an emotional to much of anything, including the recounting of traumas. So yeah, I get it.

Have you started working with your therapist on grounding and self soothing techniques?

Sorry this got kind of long! Again, welcome to the forum! Safe :hug: to you if you accept them!

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

This place is awesome. I've learned so much here and the people here are wonderfully supportive.

Emotional anesthesia is so common with PTSD. I relate to it. It's like the emotions are there but you can't connect with them and it feels really strange.

I'm so glad you have a T who specializes in trauma. That's so important. Welcome to the forum :)

 

[nicoleanne06]

@Solara, I wondered if PTSD was curable or if it just becomes manageable. @TimeToHeal Thank you! I figured there are probably quite a few addicts/ED people since they typically go hand in hand with trauma. Yes this is the first time I have worked with a trauma therapist, I have been in therapy for 10 years now and have only seen ones that specialize in addiction. Everytime I would go to talk about my rape, I would shut down. I am not sure if I was ever ready to deal with it. Right now it feels difficult because I don't feel that things are "bad" in comparison to how things used to be. I am able to touch base with some emotions on some levels but I can't feel to full extent. I can't seem to allow people "in" and after about 6 months in a relationship I push them away. I am able to ground myself and pull myself out of my anxiety attacks but most of the time I have wound up falling back in my old patterns and wind up purging to cope with the overwhelming emotions. It is so nice to be able to have people who understand. I have been feeling so alone with all this lately!