Capt_Gruuvy
New Here
OK so my Dr. says that he believes that I have PTSD. I had a chance to tell him my story during a visit to his office and I really shocked him. He is surprised that I function as well as I do but can understand why I am having the issues that I have.
Insert Terrifying Childhood Abuse here. I need not tell you the details of my childhood. You get it. This isn't a contest.
Insert Sexual Abuse from ages 4 to 17 here. Some of you get this. The blacked out moments of time, the scars, the physical damage and cover-ups. The lies that no one will believe me if I talked about it and how it was my fault anyways.
Insert Guilt here. The guilt associated with my father abusing my brother in the bed next to mine and me being relived that it wasn't me ..... that time.
Years of suppression and I now have cognitive disorders, failing memory and a speech impediment. My Dr says I'll get worse if I don't work to get through. Doc says I'm in real jeopardy here and my health is on the line. I'm already on SSDI as I am not able to work with the issues that I am living with.
Insert ANGER here as it appears my abusers have reached beyond the grave and got me again.
So I am on track to have prolonged sessions (I have had short sessions before with some results) and new drugs along with a diagnosis that makes my strange behavior make a little more sense to me and my family.
Here's to the hope of changing my health for the better, letting go of the fear of being honest and the attempt to not allow the secrets I carry run my life.
I am angry that I have to be here .... talking about this makes me feel like a victim all over again. However, I am motivated to work through the hard parts if it means having my health back.
Insert Terrifying Childhood Abuse here. I need not tell you the details of my childhood. You get it. This isn't a contest.
Insert Sexual Abuse from ages 4 to 17 here. Some of you get this. The blacked out moments of time, the scars, the physical damage and cover-ups. The lies that no one will believe me if I talked about it and how it was my fault anyways.
Insert Guilt here. The guilt associated with my father abusing my brother in the bed next to mine and me being relived that it wasn't me ..... that time.
Years of suppression and I now have cognitive disorders, failing memory and a speech impediment. My Dr says I'll get worse if I don't work to get through. Doc says I'm in real jeopardy here and my health is on the line. I'm already on SSDI as I am not able to work with the issues that I am living with.
Insert ANGER here as it appears my abusers have reached beyond the grave and got me again.
So I am on track to have prolonged sessions (I have had short sessions before with some results) and new drugs along with a diagnosis that makes my strange behavior make a little more sense to me and my family.
Here's to the hope of changing my health for the better, letting go of the fear of being honest and the attempt to not allow the secrets I carry run my life.
I am angry that I have to be here .... talking about this makes me feel like a victim all over again. However, I am motivated to work through the hard parts if it means having my health back.
