Starbright333
New Here
Hi, I am new here.I have PTSD , anxiety, and feel on edge and like I can't find the light at the end of any tunnels anymore. I grew up with an extremely volatile abusive narcisstic father...His sole existence was through ego only. He was/still is extremely entitled and expects to be pedastalized.He was the overt abuser, behind closed doors of course.My mother, the covert abuser, using guilt, and self victimization to have her needs fed.I used to think she was a Stockholm victim, but of late, through observation, in my own opinion, I am just thinking she is as screwed up as dad is..She seems to be a narcissisit of sorts, just not a blatant one.A passive narcissist.
As of late, I have been voted somehow to be their caretakers. They are in their 80's...They do not keep house, or property, and they would live in squallor I believe, if I didn't clean, do their laundry, yardwork etc. .They have the money to pay someone to take care of their property, which is quite large, but they REFUSE...And they have become very cheap and are always stating "NO ONE is getting their money"???I am confused on that, because no one is after their money...So anyways, my siblings refuse to help me with them.Everyone has their reasons I suppose, as we were emotionally/verbally/physically and sometimes molested (groped inappropriately) by my father...My mother obviously knew of his behavior, and we feel she did nothing, allowed it, dismissed and devalued our abuse, and did NOT validate any of what went on..So now I am stuck.They are still abusive to a degree, and my mother always put her husband first, hence, she shouldn't have had children..He is her child.
The PTSD is getting out of hand for me.I have constant anxiety, cry in private alot, am angry at them, angry at my siblings, angry at all the WHY'S...Nothing seems fair.Nothing is normal.I didn't ask for this in life, and feel everyone bailed, and I am still in the present suffering..I also have a serious illness with joint destruction, low platelet count, quite severe pain and fatigue. When I bring this up to family, I get the "so what,that is irrelevant to my wants and needs" look...How do I get beyond this? Counseling yes...But it is the same tools I already have learned/heard,bookmarked in my head, and every situation and person is different. I need someone to explain to me in lay terms, how to set my soul free, give this pain and sufdering and anger to God, and move on, even though I am in constant contact with the abusers..Thanks xx
As of late, I have been voted somehow to be their caretakers. They are in their 80's...They do not keep house, or property, and they would live in squallor I believe, if I didn't clean, do their laundry, yardwork etc. .They have the money to pay someone to take care of their property, which is quite large, but they REFUSE...And they have become very cheap and are always stating "NO ONE is getting their money"???I am confused on that, because no one is after their money...So anyways, my siblings refuse to help me with them.Everyone has their reasons I suppose, as we were emotionally/verbally/physically and sometimes molested (groped inappropriately) by my father...My mother obviously knew of his behavior, and we feel she did nothing, allowed it, dismissed and devalued our abuse, and did NOT validate any of what went on..So now I am stuck.They are still abusive to a degree, and my mother always put her husband first, hence, she shouldn't have had children..He is her child.
The PTSD is getting out of hand for me.I have constant anxiety, cry in private alot, am angry at them, angry at my siblings, angry at all the WHY'S...Nothing seems fair.Nothing is normal.I didn't ask for this in life, and feel everyone bailed, and I am still in the present suffering..I also have a serious illness with joint destruction, low platelet count, quite severe pain and fatigue. When I bring this up to family, I get the "so what,that is irrelevant to my wants and needs" look...How do I get beyond this? Counseling yes...But it is the same tools I already have learned/heard,bookmarked in my head, and every situation and person is different. I need someone to explain to me in lay terms, how to set my soul free, give this pain and sufdering and anger to God, and move on, even though I am in constant contact with the abusers..Thanks xx
