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Mangojuice4u523
Hi, were do I Begin? I am a female in my 40's, married, 2 kids. I have PTSD from childhood physical/emotional/verbal abuse. The environment was scary and chaotic. Being the oldest of 5 with an alcoholic father and mother who was never there...well, not easy. I've had therapists over the last 20 years, tried different medications, EMDR... I hate the saying that we are healed in the context of our relationships because I just don't have that. I don't have any supportive understanding from my husband. In fact, he is the trigger. He is emotionally distant, and the only time he does have emotion is what he's mad about something. He doesn't understand that I don't like yelling and anger. And growing up with an alcoholic father, I need communication and talking for intimacy.
I feel like I've totally failed because I've tried to explain all these triggers but I am often left alone in the closet having flashbacks and hyperventilating. He comes in sometimes but doesn't know what to do. I feel like I've totally failed because I tried to explain it all these things to him and he doesn't understand. He comes in sometimes and doesn't know what to say, he is so annoyed with me, arguing. Over the years I've become so hyper vigilant and protective of myself, I just don't feel safe Emotionally in this environment. We tried marriage counselors but it hasn't helped much. My husband just doesn't get it. That I'm not trying to be an bitch I just get triggered and freak out when I can't read him or he is angry. I hate that I get so upset. I hate how he doesn't or can't help me. I am so upset, I think I have to get divorced but it's hard with the kids, but I just can't live like this anymore. How do I stop reacting? And heal without support?
I feel like I've totally failed because I've tried to explain all these triggers but I am often left alone in the closet having flashbacks and hyperventilating. He comes in sometimes but doesn't know what to do. I feel like I've totally failed because I tried to explain it all these things to him and he doesn't understand. He comes in sometimes and doesn't know what to say, he is so annoyed with me, arguing. Over the years I've become so hyper vigilant and protective of myself, I just don't feel safe Emotionally in this environment. We tried marriage counselors but it hasn't helped much. My husband just doesn't get it. That I'm not trying to be an bitch I just get triggered and freak out when I can't read him or he is angry. I hate that I get so upset. I hate how he doesn't or can't help me. I am so upset, I think I have to get divorced but it's hard with the kids, but I just can't live like this anymore. How do I stop reacting? And heal without support?
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