New Manager Is Not Very Understanding.

[Emily The Strange]

Hi

I have worked in my company now for nearly 9 years and have worked really hard in that time. 3 years ago my life got turned upside down and I was diagnosed with PTSD 18months ago. I explained my situation to my manager and my duty manger and they were very supportive. They gave me space to sit alone if I needed it and amended my role to suit me. I am very grateful for what they have done for me.

The problem is that all management has changed and nobody knows my situation. I don't want everybody to know so I told only the people that needed to know. I have had numerous arguments with my new line manger about my role in our department, they want me to take responsibility and do things that I don't feel comfortable with. No amount of explaining will make her stop.

Today I was 5 minutes late and the store manager stopped me on the way in and started to have a go at me. I tried so hard to explain myself but he wouldn't listen to me. I have problems leaving the house sometimes, the closer I get to the front door the more anxious I get, it takes a lot to make myself actually leave and so on occasion I will be slightly late. I set up a meeting with the store manager this afternoon to have a sit down chat and see if he would listen to me and let me explain. It was arranged for 4oclock. At 4oclock I arrived at his office to be told he doesn't have time and we can maybe chat tomorrow.

I was so angry when I left and I haven't been able to calm myself down since. I now have to carry this all night and into tomorrow, which will make it even harder to leave the house, and try to talk to him at some point.

If he doesn't listen to me or can't understand then I don't know what to do. I'm not trying make excuses for being late or anything I'd just like people to be a bit understanding.

 

[Lucycat]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have a manager who I thought would understand but she has no clue.

When you finally manage to speak with your new manager they may be helpful or not. Be prepared for them having absolutely no understanding of your situation.

I guess you need to be able to tell them what you are doing to actively improve your situation.

I wish you well. I am returning to work tomorrow after sick leave and know that I will face harder questions than my colleagues. Skin like a rhino comes to mind!

Best wishes.
Lucy x

 

[Hashi]

Emily, I sympathise with you. I was going through a similar thing in my last job - anxiety leaving the house making me late - and I know how difficult that is.

I had to tell my manager I had PTSD (not my colleagues though), and I think you've done the right thing in setting up the appointment. I'm sorry it's been postponed, but I hope it goes OK when you do have it.

I don't know about your store manager, but what worked best for me with mine (who was the overall Director) was being brief about the situation and specific about each thing that I was asking for. Kind of businesslike, to reassure him that I had a handle on it - I've been diagnosed with PTSD, one symptom is anxiety leaving the house to come to work, I can do this but I need to ask you for...

I don't know if you can make up any late time during the day, or if you want to, but if that's a possibility (eg, if I'm 10 minutes late I can stay 10 minutes extra at the end of the day) that might also help the discussion. However, I realise that may not be appropriate and I don't know what your rights are around this. I know you said there's also the question of being asked to carry out duties you're not comfortable doing. I think if there's a trade-off you can offer, or a version of what's being asked, then suggest it, and if not then stick to your position.

In my case, the main thing my manager wanted was that I should phone and notify my workplace if I was going to be late (even a few minutes). I think this made him feel in control of things, and kept them more predictable for him, but it hadn't occurred to me, so it's worth asking if there are any arrangements he'd like in place. I'm a bit confused about how much your line manager knows. Maybe if the conversation with the store manager could result in a "new" arrangement like that, of some kind, that could allow your line manager to accept it and still save face regarding whatever discussions there have been until now?

I know it's so difficult to have the conversation at all, and can only imagine how you're feeling waiting for it. I wish you all the best.