New Member Saying "Hi"

[damaged goods]

Hi all,:hello:

The therapist that I've been going to for nearly a year tells me I have complex PTSD.

I'm from northern Alberta, grew up in the boonies, went to college, spent 10 years being an 'international traveling consultant and general man of mystery':crazy:. During that time I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and have since had at least 3 major debulking surgeries. and the damn thing just keeps coming back.

At any rate - my therapist says I'm almost a textbook example of complex PTSD and/or abuse. Problem is, I can't remember a damn thing between the ages of about 7 and 13. So I go talk to the therapist once a week for about an hour and maybe sometime it'll actually help.

I have a lot of problems with anger management, accepting criticism, etc. on the weekend I threw a temper tantrum while in traffic (not so good).

Nothing is ever my fault. I want to hurt people. yeah, of course I'm very egocentric. I'm afraid it'll only get worse faster than the tumor in my head.

I used to be a patient, understanding, tolerant person, but now I'm just full of hate, anger, and fear. and somebody's gotta pay for that and it sure as &&!@#!!! won't be me.

oops - that's turning into a vent/rant isn't it. I'll stop writing now.

 

[BrownEyes]

Hi,

I just want to say welcome to the forum.

I think you'll find lots of helpful information here that may help you.

You'll also find some really wonderful and supportive people.

Best of luck to you.

 

[suzie q]

Hello there and welcome to the forum!!

After reading your post I can say I really relate to the anger and intolerance you have been experiencing. I've been told over and over that it is symptoms from the PTSD. It's like I'm on a roller coaster! I have learned that I am in charge of what I do with those feelings. I can feel them in a safe place, process or reach out to others to help with the overwhelming energy. That has helped me not be swallowed by the discomfort.

It's great that your therapist suggested you come to some kind of format to share. It has allowed me to pull out of some really deep funks. I too have memory problems around 1-7 years old. I was told that they would come when I was ready to work on them, so going to your therapist once a week is a great start.

You will find many on this forum who are going through C-PTSD and can help you understand more about how to live life in peace. Just reach out and you'll get your answers.

Best wishes:hello:

 

[ZeroPTSD]

Hi there and welcome DG,

I know about the unstoppable rage & roller-coaster of emotions too. I feel you, it is really tough to feel that way.

Somehow in my mind there is always an excuse why I don't hit a deadline or get something done today. The opportunities just pass me by, time disappears. Always some justification, some other reason or constructed obstacle....not me right? Never MY fault...I hate that about PTSD.

You can deal with this, you can be strong. Keep talking and letting it out when you need to. I know you can do it!!!

One,

ZeroPTSD

 

[tryintobreathe]

Welcome to the forum DG...

This is a great place for support...it's also great for venting! I understand about the rage! I also can relate to your name, that's how I have felt most of my life, as if I was damaged goods.

Jen

 

[dust]

Welcome! I hope you find support here.

dust

 

[damaged goods]

what the heck was that?

hi all,

today I'm not in top form - I had to call one of those hotlines because I'm getting bills for goods/services that i've not received - and I'm trying to tell these people to stop sending me bills cuz I'm not gonna pay 'em. That got me so wound up that i want to do some ad hoc dentistry on these people with my multi-tool and maybe a dremel. Oh yeah I have problems with impulse control. At least I'm in the house by myself so nobody gets to savor my mood right now. i need to come down before the kids come home from school.

 

[tryintobreathe]

Deep breaths....deep breaths....I have a feeling the kids are home by the time you get this. Doing anything physical usually helps me when I get in that kind of state. My first instinct is usually to destroy something or throw something. Walking, punching a pillow, doing pushups...any of those things help me.

Jen

 

[Spacechic]

Gday,

International man of mystery..I like that. Welome to the forum. I hope to see you around.

Spacey

 

[damaged goods]

deep breaths help...a lot. until i end up hyperventilating and end up doing the funky chicken on the floor (no, not really).
I can't really do anything physical (like pummeling a punching bag or running around in circles screaming waving my hands above my head) because as soon as i exert myself I get partial seizures which knock me on my ass - a constant reminder of the brain tumor up there in the penthouse.
Frustration has become a large part of my life due to the tumor and finding myself unable to perform the activities that i used to enjoy, such as riding a dirtbike ( having a seizure while doing a 20 ft jump is a really bad idea at the best of times). Some days are just fine. other days i can seize while hanging the laundry on the line (just from raising my hands above my head).
Some days it really sucks to be me. I'm hoping today is not one of those days. I'm off to my parents to help cut up a big deer that my dad shot for me.
A lot of days i really wonder if there's any cause/effect relationship with having a brain tumor in my frontal/temporal lobes and also having PTSD. havern't really found any literature on that yet.

 

[helena]

Hi DG.

Welcome to the forum - am sure you will find a lot of support and some great people on this site.

Helena

 

[Pixie]

Hi DG.

I'm pretty new here too and also suffer from C-PTSD. The not remembering things is awful. I'm going through that myself. It is frustrating but it is really feeling like a double edged sword for me right now... not knowing what happened is awful but the remembering part is really nasty too. Especially when there is a body memory that starts to emerge...

Glad you have a therapist and even if things don't happen quite as quickly as you like with your memories, the best advice that I've been given is to go slowly!

Having somewhere like this forum to go to is also a fantastic help. :)

Pixie