New Member

[vhales]

No work for me again today. I cannot cope with my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings. At the moment I feel as though I have reached rock bottom. Wine is my only friend that makes me happy and allows me to forget all my troubles even for a short while. I know I am drinking far too much but it's the only option I can see at the present time.

I was originally diagnosed with PTSD back in Summer 2005 after witnessing the events of 7/7 in London. I tried to carry on life as "normal" - back to work - back to being usual same old me. I was referred to a psychologist but talking about the event was far too painful and after 4 sessions I gave up.

Six years on I should be the happiest woman in the world. I got married to my amazing husband back in March, had an incredible honeymoon, have a great job, fantastic supportive family and friends, nice home. Although I have all this I also hold a huge pain in my chest almost as if it's rooted deep within my soul. Panic attacks, nightmares and flashbacks are now a regular occurance. I can't sleep and sometimes afraid to. I cannot stop crying some days - the pain is too raw. I can't function and feel as though I am letting myself and everyone around me down.

Guilt & rejection. My worse enemies.

Ironically I do things to make me feel even more guilty and to push people away.

Sometimes I think the people close to me would be better off without me in their lives. Then they would be happy and not have such a burden to bear.

I wish I could get better. Be a better person. Live a happy life.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Vhales, I am so sorry you were there that day. I live in England and it was awful just watching the events unfold.

I am so pleased you have found us, there is so much useful information both in the articles and threads. I have found friendship, support and understanding here and I hope you do as well.

Take your time looking around and post as and when you are able. You have made a great start by introducing yourself, it is not easy so be proud of yourself for doing it.

Therapy is hard, I found I felt worse before I improved. I will never be clear of PTSD but I am learning to manage the symptoms using techniques taught to me by my therapist and from members sharing what works for them. IMHO, I would ask to be re referred to a therapist, one who specialises in trauma. It is possible to manage symptoms on your own but again IMHO it helped me to be guided by a T.

It seems from your intro that life should be good and it is wonderful that you have that home support.

Take care and I look forward to knowing you better.
KP

 

[vhales]

Thanks KP for your kind words.

I find it so difficult speaking to others about my PTSD. Not only am I ashamed of it but I feel as though people do not believe me when I tell them. As though I am being an attention seeker or a drama queen.

I am desperate for help. It feels as though no one is listening to me sometimes.

 

[KP the nut]

I am desperate for help. It feels as though no one is listening to me sometimes.

I and others here will listen anytime. I am often in chat or feel free to send me a PM (start a conversation).

You are not alone with this anymore. We get it, when I first joined I was overwhelmed, I was not a freak, drama queen or nuts, I just have PTSD and others understood.

It is difficult to speak out, but take your time, take baby steps.

((HUGS)) if you accept them
KP

 

[Nighthawk]

Welecome to the forum.
We are here and we are listening.
You are no longer alone

NH

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((((vhales))))))))

Welcome to the forum.

We are here for you. You are not alone. Your pain & struggles are not meaningless. You have friends, allies, and witnesses now.

May you find a deep, profound peace along your journey.

It all begins by speaking gently with yourself; treating yourself kindly; and reading, sharing, and most of all...telling yourself you deserve love, support, and friendship. Because you do.

Wishes for rest and comfort to you....

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Vhales. What a horrendous experience. I believe you when you say that you are sometimes afraid to sleep. When through that phase a long time before the Ts manage to put a barrier in there and the psych found proper meds for my condition. As KP mentionned, we feel worse before getting better with therapy. Will be looking forward to your posts.