New Psychiatrist

[lonelyred]

I'm hoping someone here can help, I'm seeing a new psychiatrist at the moment, and he really wants to go over my trust issues and abuse history, just his mention of this sent me into a panic attack yesterday.

I have crossed this bridge with my last therapist but it took me a long time to trust him, and it really affected me badly, I've currently told my new therapist that I'm not ready to discuss it, but have agreed to bring in my book (it has my nightmares, poetry, negative emotions - everything I don't like about me).

Can anyone give me some advice? The last time I tried to deal with this I became very unwell, also since then 3 people close to my family and my childhood have been exposed as paedophiles, my nightmares are becoming more frequent and its starting to scare my partner, he says I'm convulsing in my sleep and crying out

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Lonelyred,
You cannot buy trust, and I am sure your psychiatrist will be aware that. Having agreed to take in your book is a huge step and I am sure he will realise that.

The fact that the very idea of working on trust and abuse threw you into a panic, indicates that there is still work to be done on it. But don't try to push it or force it. Just work at your own pace and be guided by the psychiatrist. If he knows that last time you tried to confront these problems you became very unwell means he will take it gently. Allow yourself plenty of opportunity to take care of yourself, with treats and pampering as much as you can.

I hope you have shared with your partner your fears about getting unwell again. Also ask your psychiatrist for a contingency plan so you both know what to do if things are not going so well. Tell him the specifics of what being 'really unwell' felt like for you and what happened, what made it worse and what helped you to feel better.

It is scary facing therapy, and upsetting when you fear the distress it will cause, but if you can manage to get past it - in due course- you will feel the benefit.

Best wishes,
Lucy x

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Loneyred

Do you trust your psychiatrist? I think taking your book to show him, is a huge step - well done.

The whole thing / issue /problem (I don't know how to describe it!), is that we deal with our biggest fears in therapy. So not only do we have something that upsets us deeply, we then go to therapy, talk about, stir up even more emotions, and then feel even worse. Over time, with the right input, it gets easier, but to begin with, therapy is so overwhelming and upsetting. We feel worse before we even begin to feel better.

Once we accept this as part of the process, and learn to let the bad times flow, then it all becomes a lot more manageable.

So yes, you feel awful now, but it will get better. I went through some hideous times in therapy because of all that raw emotion, but it did get better. But it only got better because I confronted it.

 

[lonelyred]

Thank you for your responses, to answer your questions, I don't know if I trust him yet, but I want to. As for being ready to work through this, I'm not ready, but since a 3rd person close to my family was convicted of sexual assault and paedophilia my nightmares have become more frequent along with anxiety bad enough to keep me from going out.

It is upsetting and discussing it is painful but I have to do something about it, I still see counsellor regularly to talk about it, but right now I can't talk to my partner about it as he is unwell himself

 

[cherryblossom]

Talking with your counsellor is the right way to go. This will get easier.

I can only say that from experience talking about things was incredibly hard, but it did get easier. Sometimes the suffering in between sessions was awful, but like I say, it got easier over time. It then became easier to share things with family.

Also trust, takes time to build up and that's completely normal. You will get there.

 

[lonelyred]

I'm not so sure CB, I feel like things are spiralling out of control the nightmares are worse and more frequent and now I'm having trouble knowing what actually happened and where my mind is trying to complete the story... I'm feeling really lost right now

 

[Lucycat]

@lonelyred I am wondering how you are getting on? Have you yet had that opportunity to take in your book, and if so how did it go?

 

[lonelyred]

I have Lucy, and left it with him, only one book so far, but it has some of the worst, thus far we've yet to talk about it but I am hopeful, I did experience a panic attack when handing over, but got through it, I'm still very anxious about it, as there was nothing to be said or done after sharing, so now I wait.