New Relationship? Now Doubting I Can Do This!

[Sabrina71]

I have recently met someone who I think is amazing. I have never been treated so well in my life by a man. I have been honest about being raped and all the crazy things that go along with my PTSD. I try to be very patient in explaining things to him. He thinks he can "fix" me. That together, I will be just fine. When I try to explain what it is like to have a panic attack, which I had two of last week, he just says you can't worry about the small stuff. He always has a story that begins with, "That's like when I.....". I just want to scream that this is nothing like you have ever felt. I am starting to find the smallest things that drive me insane. I don't know if it is the PTSD or that the traits actually bother me.

We currently have a long distance relationship and he always adds, "All of this will change when I am there." REALLY? I am trying so hard to explain. I have printed articles and after a couple, he now considers himself an expert on me, when in reality, I feel he doesn't even hear me at times. I feel he is trying, but just isn't getting it!

I hate to ruin something that could be great, but I am beginning to feel like I am smothered. I have been diagnosed for almost a year and a half. I have made a lot of progress, but I am wondering if I will have a huge setback when I explode on him, because it will happen. Eventually.

Suggestions? Advice? Anything, anyone?

 

[The Albatross]

Sounds like empathizing is wearing you thin. I'd be having a reality check conversation with the person... "I know you are thinking you are being helpful when.... but I feel...." sort of thing. And if they are forewarned up front... then go ahead and continue the relationshp. Forewarned is forearmed... but only time and closeness can tell if it will work.

I was candid, blunt and unabashedly honest about my mental emotional state when my romantic partner wanted to get closer. We've been together now for 22 years married, and 4 1/2 before that. He knew what he was getting into.

 

[JohnJohn]

Sabrina,

It is great that you communicated with him. I believe that is a great start. It took several years into a relationship before I found out my wife had PTSD from a panic attack episode linked to her first husband. I am still waiting for her to tell me what happened. But, it sounds like you are ahead of the game.

Now, from your significant partner's perspective it sounds like he is trying to be the typical guy, a problem "fixer."

I tried that too and my wife didn't like that one little bit. Unfortunately for me I thought the problem was primarily between us, not a past trauma that I was pulling the "trigger" on. I only realized after years of stummbling and aggitating my wife that I was only making her inprint on my "control" attempts as a relapse into her previous abusive controling situation.

In a nut shell he needs to understand he can not fix anything, rather he is there to support and love you. I believe control attemps by loved ones only make victims feel less empowered and frustrated.

Hang in there though. Love is always worth it and the most empowering thing out there.

 

[Sabrina71]

Thank you both. I really appreciate the support. I know he senses that my nerves are frayed. I jokingly told him this afternoon that he was the king of cliches. I thought at one time I had seen a forum about 'what people who don't have PTSD say' or something to that effect. I was looking for it this afternoon as well. I thought at one point this afternoon that if I heard one more cliche, I would just scream!

This is the first relationship I have had since everything happened, and I know that I have some things to work through, I just didn't know it would be this hard.

Again, thanks for the encouragement and if you believe in the power of prayer, say one for me!

 

[SupporterInLove]

"Love is always worth it and the most empowering thing out there."

Thank you for this quote.

 

[Meadowsweet]

It sounds like he's just not hearing what you are saying. It can be very frustrating, like talking to a brick wall.

I think Albatross offers some good advice about having a conversation about this with him.

But in the end, how ever much you try to help him understand. It comes down to whether he is able to or not. It might be that he needs to get to know you in everyday life to see how you experience ptsd symptoms.

I hope it works out for you both.

 

[mamachick]

When he says "thats like when I..." can you listen and explain calmly that it is not. For me, it is when I withhold what I need to say that I feel like exploding. When I deal with it as it come, there is no explosion, just little fire crackers maybe.