Relationship New Relationship With A Man With Ptsd

[pinkie2274]

I agree with everyone. I am dating a guy with combat PTSD and has been isolated for nearly two months. Its killing me but he texts everyday and I have a advantage because he does tell me what he is feeling. I concentrate on myself and school and work. They need their space to figure out for themselves. Its hard and confusing I know. But from my understanding all you can do is wait. Be strong and I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[Mistyeyed2013]

At CateM- my BF did the same thing with the online dating but never actually met the girl in person. When I confronted him he denied it, blew up, and well that was at the beginning of him realizing he has issues... more later. Gotta go.

 

[twopenny]

I think that as well as reading all about general PTSD and how to handle it, you also have to learn how to handle different situations with your particular sufferer as they arise. There are some situations that arise with hub where it's best to walk away from him and leave him to calm down, but there are some where he's trying to isolate, when it's actually better not to let him - to do the exact opposite of what the normal advise is. I'm not advocating that everybody does that - but it must be the case with some people other than hub. And it was different for me, in the extent that I was already living with him, and had nowhere else to go, so the weeks of isolation were never really practically possible.

I also know that when I try to push away what my core-self wants is to not be allowed to do it. (Though I dissociate a little.)

I guess what I'm saying is that all sufferers are different, and that one of the hardest parts is trying to work out what the best way for you to react in a given set of circumstances is.

The other hardest part is that you're not the one who's ill, so very few people cut you any slack (though I suppose it's the same with all illnesses).

 

[Mistyeyed2013]

I totally agree! I believe all sufferers are different. I'm still in the learning process part as to what works for "us"..it's difficult and frustrating:(

 

[sthrngirl]

It is very difficult and frustrating.. I feel like I'm "use" to things now, the not talking often at times.. mood swings.. other people on the outside don't agree with my relationship at times and I think that is what annoys me the most is because you cant make other people understand.

 

[Mistyeyed2013]

I totally understand because I feel the exact same way!! I am usually a very vocal person but with him, I feel like I can't totally be myself for fear of him getting angry or blowing up at something I say. I will say that since he's been on meds he has been a lot calmer BUT the fear of him blowing up is still there and I don't know how to make that go away. It is a learning process. I've learned to ask him things calmly and in a certain tone whereas to others I might just blurt it out. I guess you could say I "redirect" the question so it doesn't seem like I"m "attacking" him otherwise he'll just go on auto-defense mode. The more you arm yourself with knowledge about PTSD, the less frustrated and confused you'll be. I keep reminding myself to not take everything so personally.

My BF has told me the same thing in regards to thinking I'm going to runaway and leave him because I guess everyone does in the end. Well they probably didn't understand what was going on or didn't have the time to figure it out.or just simply didn't want to deal with any of it. Unless someone is already diagnosed with PTSD-- its not the first thing that comes to mind.

It IS difficult to make someone else understand...if so, you have to go through the entire explanation of what PTSD is, etc, etc...he will still look like an ass to them and people will still think you're "putting up" with someone whom you shouldn't. It's a personal choice and it CAN work out in the end with a lot of hard work on both your parts. Therapy and meds together seem to be the best combination from what I've researched.

 

[sthrngirl]

See, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I am on meds and have gone to counseling, I think he has tried counseling but it "doesn't work" and he refuses meds because he does not want it to alter his physique (he works out a lot). To me that is just a very sad excuse to not get help for your mental state!

But yeah I feel that I am not myself either because I am also very vocal. He is very opinionated and seems to think only HIS opinion is right, when most of the time I don't agree with him but I just keep my mouth shut. So far I feel like the relationship has not been 50/50 more like 80 on my part and 20 on his and I think giving him a 20 is pushing it!

I have come to the term that I do love this man, I have not told him and he has not told me he loves me either. I am scared that he now has the power to hurt me "in that way", I want to tell him but I just don't think he is on the same track yet nor do I even know if he will get there.

He has also mentioned that he is waiting on me to "freak out" because I have yet to blow up or get in a fight with him. I assume he feels this way because every other girl he has dated has been "crazy" or so he says, and I am just sitting there thinking, well what you see is what you get, I don't freak out over most things and I myself am more of a quiet type especially if I am mad or I vent to my girlfriends.

I am use to a relationship to where the guy is talking to my constantly and I definitely feel the "like/love" from him, but not in this relationship, the only thing I can confirm is that he says "If I didn't like you, I wouldn't be with you" etc etc. Everyone has emotions and he pretends that he has none and can "turn them off". I was like you can lie to anyone but yourself, I think he may crack eventually and I am waiting on it.

 

[KyGirl31]

Ohh please keep us posted! I'm so excited for you. A funny thing happened lately. I've been through a lot with my guy and I sorta distanced myself from him for almost 2 weeks and he texted me and we've been talking a lot lately and it's been better. Yesterday was wonderful. I care about him a lot and I really do feel like he's tried to protect me from himself. I hope things continue to get better between us!