Sufferer New To Posting Online

[sleepingwolf]

Hey guys,

I've felt that I wanted to try with an online ptsd community for a while, and today I decided to write a post. I suffer from cptsd from an all round abusive childhood.

I'm a 27 year old male, living with a lovely partner, with a real nice job, trying to get a divorce from my 'wife', living for 2 years now with flashbacks and real emotional difficulty. I've had depression since I was 20/21, which went on for a few years until I had an experience around 2 years ago where I started to remember various odd parts about my childhood. I went and found therapy, which was a big help, but very quickly my ex-wife left me and cheated on me with my ex best friend. I lost my home, pretty much all my friends, and all money. I also haven't seen or spoken to my parents since then either.

It was a crazy 2 years, but a real turn around too. I felt a lot of grace, a lot of love, and I managed to get myself back on my feet. I feel now I can live quite well day to day. My depression isn't really present, and over the past few months I've actually felt real feelings of happiness and love, that have lasted for more than a few seconds. I've never felt those feelings before.

I'm still struggling in certain areas, still have good days and bad days. Overall I feel 'on the up' and quite blessed.

I'm wanting to connect more with people, to learn more, to share more, and thats what I'm thinking about online.

For what I have difficulties with now, I've put a list below:

- Constant disaccociation, through my eyes, like there is a mist or a lens infront of everything, that varies in thickness and intensity, but barely ever goes completely
- Large bouts of confusion
- Daily hallucinations, some nice, some scary
- Feeling constantly 'dreaming' or connected to that dreaming part, like never fully waking.
- Stress leaving my body in shakes and spasms (which I can control to some extent)
- Flashbacks

Thats about it for the main things I guess.

Thanks guys.

:)

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hi and welcome , thankyou for sharing your journey with us. I'm sorry about the traumas you have suffered but really well done for turning your life around. Your partner sounds amazing and very supportive. The issues you are suffering with are unfortunately part of your cptsd they are very similar to what I and probably loads of us suffer. It's learning how to cope with them that's really difficult. I've had lots of therapy over the years and still struggle. I find the disassociating very difficult but similiar I find the flashbacks very traumatic X but please don't be hard on yourself , it's not gonna get better overnight , but you will cope especially if you have a good network of friends who will support you. Some days will be better than others but try to focus on them as oppose to the bad days. I used to always focus on the bad days as they would leave me very traumatised that I was scared literally of my own shadow . But with therapy and friends I am learning to get stronger and face my demons. Confusion is horrible , but also part of the diagnosis , you will find lots of lovely people on this forum in the same boat and everyone is so supportive because we truly understand and know what each one of us are going through X chin up , continue to feel positive and good luck on your journey X my prayers are with you X

 

[Gadgie]

Welcome to the site SW, I hope you find the help and support as I did after joining this site, good luck.

 

[intothelight]

@sleepingwolf Welcome to the forum!

I hope you find the information and support of this community beneficial to your healing.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!