Sufferer New To Ptsd

[nerdluvin]

Hi everyone,

I was officially diagnosed several months ago with complex PTSD from childhood trauma. My "symptoms" started flaring up for the first time 3 years ago with increased intensity. As I'm progressing through trauma therapy, I feel I'm getting worse.

I deal constantly with suicidal ideation (no plan) as well as medium to severe dissociation.

There's this constant feeling that I can't handle reality, that there's something inside that needs to be bottled up and if it comes to light I'll be obliterated. I'll go insane.

I also have severe headaches and tinnitus (ringing in the ears) which I think might be related to emotions.

I guess what I'm looking for is to know that this is "normal" in it's abnormality, that I'll somehow get through it.

I'm also interested in learning what coping methods people use. The badic grounding stuff of look around and name objects isn't working very well for me.

 

[KwanYingirl]

It sometimes feels like symptoms get worse but then things settle down. Go slow it's quite the challenge to live with PTSD. Getting activated from exposure from a trigger is done by the unconscious limbic system. If you would like to call on your conscious mind to reign in the distress triggers bring you. Those are what ground you and there are many ideas and thoughts to help your conscious mind get you back to baseline. If possible I like to do yoga poses while focusing on my breathing. I also have a special place in my mind where I can go when things get sketchy.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

HI Nerdluvin -

Welcome -

Yep - What you describe sounds pretty normal to me. And it is totally possible to get through it even though now it seems so scary, intense and weird.

I have gone through the feelings of suicide and definite dissociation -

The great thing that I have learned is that it is possible to lessen the power of the symptoms of PTSD and regain a foothold back into life - so keep the faith

What works for me is meditation - focusing on one breath at a time to keep me grounded

Many blessings - Laurie

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Nerdluvin,

There's a full length audio book of "The mindful way through depression" up on youtube

don't let the "depression" part of the title put you off, Kabat-Zinn has a clinically proven track record of teaching people to use mindfulness to better live with chronic pain, as well as the use for the intrusive negative thoughts, poor self esteem and low mood which are addressed in the depression book.

It's coming from the same place a @KwanYingirl 's suggestion of yoga. either or both would be good.

 

[Chava]

The badic grounding stuff of look around and name objects isn't working very well for me.

I've felt that not work before too. For intense depersonalization, disconnectedness and stress, it helps to feel safe reaching out for help vs slipping into the belief that I can trust NOBODY. So, therapy helps, and this forum can help. But also, more physical things that aren't harmful, like hugging my dog and feeling how slow he breathes (since I refuse to connect to my own breath when really messed up), some sort of compression like squeezing my arms or wrapping my torso tight in a scarf or little blanket, kicking against something slowing, like pushing against a wall, going for a walk and doing that looking around and noticing stuff but more helpful that I'm moving.

Agree with mindfulness stuff. It's helpful to practice consistently. I had to test out lots of things...certain forms of mindful movement just feel more right for me, and also help me slow down to either meditate or just be more mindful and present in what I'm doing. When stuff is really bad I usually have to go through stuff noted above first. If I can get beyond the intense stuff or really bad disconnection, I can make better use of things like stretching, yoga, something sort of meditative. I actually really like Pilates for helping me feel connected...seems to help me slow down to a degree without feeling passive or slipped into the shutdown place. Keeping up regular walking, yoga, etc. helps with the stress stuff but I can relate to feeling like I can't tolerate my life sometimes or whatever is bottled up inside. Are you doing any sort of therapy?

If yoga and stuff like that feels hard, I'd recommend finding someone who could do lessons. I read up whatever credentials they have an decide if they seem like a helpful fit. I have chronic back pain (comes and goes, but never seems to totally go for good)...sometimes that spills upward into bad headaches with tension-migraine-cluster features. Horrid. My Pilates teacher was helpful at giving some good headache tips, gentle neck moves, and also gently encouraging ways I could carry myself a little differently without feeling too weird. Also, I'm doing somatic type therapy which helps recognize where the tension is (my "headaches" often start in my back or shoulders or jaws).

welcome.

 

[nerdluvin]

Thanks everyone. I'm currently in therapy with a childhood trauma specialist.

About the migraine headaches and tinnitus, anybody else have those or should I go get checked out? They started with the dissociation.

 

[greenleaf]

About the migraine headaches and tinnitus, anybody else have those or should I go get checked out? They started with the dissociation.

It's always good to get things checked out! I think they could definitely be from ptsd-related issues but they could also be other things.

It's also possible that you can get help for them, no matter what the cause! You don't have to just tolerate pain; I think that's pretty common for childhood trauma survivors to do... (I've been discovering I do this a lot and don't even note it, somehow...) If it's muscles, for instance, you might be able to learn stretches, certain yoga moves, change your sleeping position, and/or perhaps find a massage type with a good massage therapist that helps, all sorts of possibilities. Here, physical therapists can be great with this; they do require a doctor to first determine what the problem is -- so getting a trauma-informed doctor is first!

 

[intothelight]

@nerdluvin Welcome to the forum!

PTSD has a variety of symptoms and they can vary in their intensity and duration, but have a tendency to increase in both areas during times of stress or strangely enough during periods of stability. It seems the brain registers it is safe to let some of it go.

I deal constantly with suicidal ideation (no plan) as well as medium to severe dissociation.

There are many techniques, therapies and medications that address both depression and disassociation. Sometimes finding what works best is "trial and error" as what works well for one individual may not work so well for another. Also, any headache associated with tinnitus should be checked out by a doctor to rule out something organically wrong before making the assumption that it is PTSD related.

 

[passerine]

Yes, what you are going through is normal for complex PTSD. I struggle with everything you've described, right down to the migraine headaches and tinnitus, myself. It's been a tough road, but I have grown a lot since I started therapy two and a half years ago. Through much trial and error, my therapist and I have identified what works best for me in terms of grounding and self regulating. I don't know if it's something you'd be interested in, but one of the things that I have found particularly helpful is art therapy. My therapist is a social worker, but we do a lot of art in session, including drawing and playing with modeling clay, which helps me stay present. I have also found music to be very helpful, and anything somatic, like yoga. Trauma-sensitive yoga in particular has been extremely helpful for me.

This forum is also a wonderful tool, so I encourage you to keep using it. Welcome!