Relationship New To This And Struggling!

[Cherryontop]

Hi all, I'm new to this site and new to PTSD. I'm feeling overwhelmed and inexperienced so could use some help. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. He was in the army and then about a month after he left his mum died, then 2 years later his dad died. We watched them both die. He has had so much to deal with but has never been very sensitive or emotional in all the time I have known him. He does not talk about his feelings and puts on a front for everyone. About 8 months back out of nowhere he said he wasn't happy and so he left. He came back after a few days and said sorry and that he didn't know what was going on in his head. The last year or so he has isolated himself more and more. He used to be very sociable but prefers his own company these days. We decided to try for a baby a month ago as our relationship, aside from everything else was going great and he said this was what he wanted. Last Monday we thought I might have been pregnant. He seemed really happy about this but then we discovered I wasn't. We where also planning on moving into a new house around Christmas. I came home from work on the Friday thinking we would go out for tea or something and I came in and he said that he wasn't happy and wanted to split up. He then came back on the Sunday and cried and said he didn't know what was wrong with him and could he come home. I said it would be best for him to stay with his family for a week or so to give him some space which he agreed with. On the Sunday night I found out that he had kissed someone else the previous night. When I confronted him he became nasty and cruel like I meant absolutely nothing. He is never usually nasty to me. Anyway, over the next few days his mood constantly changed. One minute he was lovely and apologising, then he was horrible telling me to leave him alone and he didn't want me or his family around him, then I'd get messages saying that he felt like a stranger and felt numb. He didn't know who he was anymore or what he wanted and wasn't himself. I took him to see his GP on Tuesday. He just seemed so all over the place. He said sometimes he just feels nothing. Going from love to hate to anger to sadness all in one day. The doctor seemed concerned and referred him for counselling. It is now a constant battle to try and get him to book an appointment. Every time I mention it he ignores me and then comes back with a remark about not needing the pressure right now or he will be nasty to try and get me to leave him alone. I have been doing a lot of research and I really think he is suffering from PTSD. Does this sound familiar? I have told him I will help him so to stop pushing me away. I really want to try. After everything I am struggling but I'm determined. He says he loves me but needs to sort himself out because he doesn't know who he is anymore or why he's doing what he's doing. Do you think we can get past this. Any tips on what I should be doing? Like I say I'm new to this. Thanks.

 

[joeylittle]

I have been doing a lot of research and I really think he is suffering from PTSD.

The behavior you are describing could be a result of any number of different diagnoses. My advice would be to not get fixated on PTSD, but start trying to educate yourself about mood disorders in general. This isn't so you can diagnose him, it's just because you might find some lightbulb-moments in understanding how depression and anxiety work (so far as science knows, which isn't a lot).

The holidays are stressful. Marriage around the 6-7 year mark has been known to be difficult. Trying for a baby can be scary. You don't say how long ago he lost his Dad, but putting off grief doesn't work in the long run. And any of these things might be a reason for PTSD to emerge, as delayed-onset, 8 months ago - but they are equally capable of initiating a mood disorder.

What matters right now is helping him get into counseling, and you might be able to do that by not pushing, but instead, give him space to talk about how he's feeling in general. When we start to feel like our heads don't work right, it can be a really big deal to try and maintain some sense of agency, of individual ability to function. If he's saying he wants to sort it by himself, it's not a bad thing to let him. You aren't going to be able to fix whatever is going on for him - but you can be the person who is there, even when it's hard. It sounds like you want to be that person, which is great.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hello @Cherryontop.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about a PTSD diagnosis. There are a lot of disorders that can cause numbness and mood swings, and PTSD is just one of them. It could be any number of things.... complex grief, anxiety, depression. It's hard not to play "armchair psychiatrist" when out loved one is poorly, but it is important to get the proper diagnosis and treatment.

Did he have a Crit. A Trauma?

 

[Cherryontop]

The behavior you are describing could be a result of any number of different diagnoses. My advice w...

I really do want to help him, more than anything. I have already learned over the last day or two not to try pushing him, this just backfires on me! I will do some research into mood disorders too. Thanks you

 

[Cherryontop]

Hello @Cherryontop.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about a PTSD diagnosis. Ther...

Hi, I know. I've just been so worried and he barely talks. Obviously he was in the army. He has never spoken to me about anything that happened, I think this was more to protect me though. But he told the doctor that things happened out there but he didn't go into detail.