firefighterwife
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Okay, I'm warning y'all now, this is gonna be LONG!! =) I fully appreciate anyone who takes the time to read our story and can give some encouragement.
My husband is a volunteer firefighter and has been for 4 years. I am the proudest fire-fighter wife! (Maybe I'm just biased, but there is something about a man in a firefighter uniform!!) ANYWAYS!! He was paged out to a wreck on Mother's Day (this year) and there was a horrific roll-over. There were 2 toddlers, an infant a teenager and mom & dad involved. Mom, dad and teenager were all okay, they got 1 toddler out and another was trapped beneath the crushed roof. They then strapped them to stretchers to air-lift them. My husband and another guy was inside the vehicle with the jaws of life, raising up the roof off of the toddler and my husband discovered the rear-facing infant seat. (At this time, they didn't know about the baby. Just the toddler was all they could see.) He then looked and saw the infant not only dead, but crushed.
Fast forward to today, my husband is no longer living at home, moved back in with his parents. He told them he isn't happy in his marriage, but doesn't think he wants a divorce. Is just confused. He has been there a month. He will not talk to me or see me. Here are all of the "signs" that I have seen since noticed and look back upon that this could be PTSD. I am NOT looking for a diagnosis, as I know no one here can do that, just looking for advice, I suppose. My gut instinct is PTSD (or something of that sorts...). I have visited with my neighbor who is in the Army and dealt with it 3 years ago when he came back from his 2nd tour in Iraq. He feels my husband really is suffering from it, as well. And my psychologist does, too. However, his family feels it's a marriage quarrel and so does the pastor that we were meeting with individually. I'm frustrated and feeling defeated...
*He left and spent the night in his truck on a country road. When he got home the next morning for work, he said that it was the best sleep he's had in a long time.
*3 days after the accident, we were at Walmart. A toddler began to throw a fit. He had to leave the store and went to his truck and sat there.
*1 week after the accident, we were eating lunch at his sisters house and his pager went off. He began to tremble and then tense up. He showed a sign of distress in his face. It turned out to be a fire at a home and he went. When he came back, he walked in white as a ghost. He told me it was the hottest fire he'd ever been in. When I talked to him about it, the fire was already out and the house was mainly smoke. He went through a 1 hour airpack in 30 minutes. He ended up in the back of the ambulance and his blood pressure was through the roof. Turns out, he hyperventilated that day. This is NOT the first house fire he's been to where he had to use the airpack.
*He began to isolate himself every day after the trauma. Starting with 30-40 minutes and then the last week was about 2-3 hours at a time outside, alone.
*He doesn't play much with his almost 2 year old niece, who is usually his world
*Everytime the pager goes off, whether its fire or EMS, he shakes and trembles until the call is over and tenses up. One time he kept saying "I hope it's not a wreck...I hope it's not a wreck..."
*He kept telling me the dirty house bugged him (I've always been a slob...) and telling everyone how dirty it was. I feel this is a trigger.
*We hung out with friends one night who had small kids. One got hurt and began to cry. He left and went outside. One that was playing outside began to cry because he was tired, he started to panic a little and wanted to leave.
*Told me the night he was leaving he never wanted to have kids with me, only thought it would fix our marriage (We've been trying for 5 years and just had our first failed IVF)
*The night he left me, we had just got back from a fire call. I asked him to come to bed, it was 11 p.m. He said he needed to wind down for a little bit (his explanation for isolation). I went outside 2 hours later to check on him. He wasn't in the front or the back, but sitting on the side of the house.
*He smokes 2+ packs a day (normally 1)
*Not sleeping. Told me numerous times he's terrified to close his eyes.
*He kept telling me how he was tired of seeing the baby's face and hearing the kids crying.
*Never hungry..Usually can eat a whole chicken fried steak, but only ate 1/3....(for example)
*Avoids friends and avoids hanging out with them on Friday nights like usual...
He is starting to be really mean to me, too. He only texts. He said if I choose to live in the house, I need to pay half of the bills. I never answered him (this was Friday) and Sunday he emailed me a descriptive list of specific bills he thought "was only fair" I paid if I choose to live there. I didn't answer him. Yesterday he said "If you want, you can move in with your mom and only pay your car and cell phone and I will take care of the rest if that makes it easier." I told him I'm not moving out of our house. He can either move home and work things out here or stay there with his parents. I'm terrified for him to be alone...
What do you guys think?? I know he met with a counselor/psychologist last week. I'm not sure for what or if it was for the trauma. I'm just worried sick about him.
My husband is a volunteer firefighter and has been for 4 years. I am the proudest fire-fighter wife! (Maybe I'm just biased, but there is something about a man in a firefighter uniform!!) ANYWAYS!! He was paged out to a wreck on Mother's Day (this year) and there was a horrific roll-over. There were 2 toddlers, an infant a teenager and mom & dad involved. Mom, dad and teenager were all okay, they got 1 toddler out and another was trapped beneath the crushed roof. They then strapped them to stretchers to air-lift them. My husband and another guy was inside the vehicle with the jaws of life, raising up the roof off of the toddler and my husband discovered the rear-facing infant seat. (At this time, they didn't know about the baby. Just the toddler was all they could see.) He then looked and saw the infant not only dead, but crushed.
Fast forward to today, my husband is no longer living at home, moved back in with his parents. He told them he isn't happy in his marriage, but doesn't think he wants a divorce. Is just confused. He has been there a month. He will not talk to me or see me. Here are all of the "signs" that I have seen since noticed and look back upon that this could be PTSD. I am NOT looking for a diagnosis, as I know no one here can do that, just looking for advice, I suppose. My gut instinct is PTSD (or something of that sorts...). I have visited with my neighbor who is in the Army and dealt with it 3 years ago when he came back from his 2nd tour in Iraq. He feels my husband really is suffering from it, as well. And my psychologist does, too. However, his family feels it's a marriage quarrel and so does the pastor that we were meeting with individually. I'm frustrated and feeling defeated...
*He left and spent the night in his truck on a country road. When he got home the next morning for work, he said that it was the best sleep he's had in a long time.
*3 days after the accident, we were at Walmart. A toddler began to throw a fit. He had to leave the store and went to his truck and sat there.
*1 week after the accident, we were eating lunch at his sisters house and his pager went off. He began to tremble and then tense up. He showed a sign of distress in his face. It turned out to be a fire at a home and he went. When he came back, he walked in white as a ghost. He told me it was the hottest fire he'd ever been in. When I talked to him about it, the fire was already out and the house was mainly smoke. He went through a 1 hour airpack in 30 minutes. He ended up in the back of the ambulance and his blood pressure was through the roof. Turns out, he hyperventilated that day. This is NOT the first house fire he's been to where he had to use the airpack.
*He began to isolate himself every day after the trauma. Starting with 30-40 minutes and then the last week was about 2-3 hours at a time outside, alone.
*He doesn't play much with his almost 2 year old niece, who is usually his world
*Everytime the pager goes off, whether its fire or EMS, he shakes and trembles until the call is over and tenses up. One time he kept saying "I hope it's not a wreck...I hope it's not a wreck..."
*He kept telling me the dirty house bugged him (I've always been a slob...) and telling everyone how dirty it was. I feel this is a trigger.
*We hung out with friends one night who had small kids. One got hurt and began to cry. He left and went outside. One that was playing outside began to cry because he was tired, he started to panic a little and wanted to leave.
*Told me the night he was leaving he never wanted to have kids with me, only thought it would fix our marriage (We've been trying for 5 years and just had our first failed IVF)
*The night he left me, we had just got back from a fire call. I asked him to come to bed, it was 11 p.m. He said he needed to wind down for a little bit (his explanation for isolation). I went outside 2 hours later to check on him. He wasn't in the front or the back, but sitting on the side of the house.
*He smokes 2+ packs a day (normally 1)
*Not sleeping. Told me numerous times he's terrified to close his eyes.
*He kept telling me how he was tired of seeing the baby's face and hearing the kids crying.
*Never hungry..Usually can eat a whole chicken fried steak, but only ate 1/3....(for example)
*Avoids friends and avoids hanging out with them on Friday nights like usual...
He is starting to be really mean to me, too. He only texts. He said if I choose to live in the house, I need to pay half of the bills. I never answered him (this was Friday) and Sunday he emailed me a descriptive list of specific bills he thought "was only fair" I paid if I choose to live there. I didn't answer him. Yesterday he said "If you want, you can move in with your mom and only pay your car and cell phone and I will take care of the rest if that makes it easier." I told him I'm not moving out of our house. He can either move home and work things out here or stay there with his parents. I'm terrified for him to be alone...
What do you guys think?? I know he met with a counselor/psychologist last week. I'm not sure for what or if it was for the trauma. I'm just worried sick about him.
