Relationship New to this looking for advice

[ChrisFries]

I have been seeing a girl for a few months who is close to two years removed from an abusive marriage. She’s told me what I can only imagine as the tip of the iceberg of what she went through and what he still puts her through raising their kids.

We get along amazingly well, but I can tell that the closer we get the more she has to pull back. I am doing my best not to put any pressure on her, but just yesterday received the “I can’t see you again” text. I sent one message back letting her know that I was always here to talk and support her if she’ll let me and not to feel guilty if she can’t see me. We’ve never specifically discussed ptsd from everything but from what she’s told me it’s highly likely she’s suffering. From reading some other threads and comments by sufferers I know that I just have to be patient and let her reach out to me (and be okay with it if she doesn’t). That’s a challenge for me cause my nature is to try to help. So I guess my question is, if she does reach out, should I broach the subject of ptsd? Should I ask about triggers, and how best for me to support her when she is struggling? We haven’t been seeing each other very long but I’ve grown quite fond of her and could see a future together and am ready and willing to be patient.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Has she been diagnosed with PTSD?

I don't really know if you should bring it up. Especially if she hasn't been diagnosed. Maybe just ask her what she needs and let her tell you?

 

[ChrisFries]

Has she been diagnosed with PTSD?

I don't really know if you should bring it up. Especially if she hasn't been diagnosed. Maybe just ask her what she needs and let her tell you?

I know she is seeing a therapist but don’t know if she has been diagnosed. I see how it could be taken the wrong way if I make my own diagnosis. Up to this point I’ve always let her know she is in control of anything that we do. So I guess I need to apply that to when she wants to talk about it or not. I’m trying to learn the best way to communicate with her.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Personally I wouldn’t bring it up. It could be any number of thing, combination of things, or nothing really at all.

All you can do is decide if this behavior is something you’re willing to deal with.

 

[ChrisFries]

So I sent her a message this morning completely unrelated to anything serious. I didn’t ask if she is ok or needs to talk or mention anything heavy. Somewhat to my surprise she responded quite quickly. It was a short chat, kept it light. It was just nice to hear from her again.

I think maybe that’s the right path to keeping communication open. Don’t put focus on how hard things are for her. Even asking if she’s ok could just be giving her another reason to think about why she may not be ok. Does that make sense?

 

[Freida]

Don’t put focus on how hard things are for her. Even asking if she’s ok could just be giving her another reason to think about why she may not be ok. Does that make sense?

Perfect!