Relationship New To This..

[Love MyHusband]

Hey, I'm new here. Married to a Marine Vet. I wasn't with him back then though. He was with his ex wife. We've been married for 2 1/2 years. He has a daughter, I have a daughter and we have a son together.

When we met everything was amazing. He was the guy I always dreamed of. Thoughtful, loving, caring, amazing father. I couldn't ask for more.

In the last year+ he has drifted into basically a shell of who he used to be. His eyes were the first thing I noticed. The sparkle is gone. He used to smile at me endlessly.. That's gone. Our sex life is gone. I don't get more than a hug and a peck and I'm pretty sure he only does that for my benefit. He barely talks to me. When he does it's like he says what I want to hear. Like a robot. Very calculated.

He knows it's not normal and he knows he has a problem. He made an appointment and saw a therapist on his own 2 weeks ago. He was diagnosed with PTSD and minor depression. He was supposed to make an appointment with a psychiatrist for meds but he never did. Today is his second therapy appointment. He's there now.

I switch back and forth between really sad and numb. I'm just upset. I don't know how to deal with this. I miss my husband. He can be sitting right next to me and I just miss him so much. This is so lonely.. And I can't tell him because my feelings don't even register to him. He's just numb.. I almost wish I was numb too. This hurts. I know it's not about me, but it hurts. Idk how to handle this at all. It's seriously giving me anxiety.

Ugh... Well I am glad I found this forum and can see other SO's and spouses going through similar issues.

One more question... Other than the depression and the numbness, he doesn't have the nightmares or like trigger reactions or anger or anything like that. Can that develop later?? He's just very flat all the times.

Well, thanks guys..

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi, and welcome.


Yes, those symptoms can develop later. But, not everyone with ptsd has those symptoms.

 

[Love MyHusband]

Good to know not everyone gets them.

He's been out of the military for like 7 years. Is it normal for this stuff to pop up now? Of course he was never too good at sharing his feelings, but I just put that at a guy thing. He seemed so normal when we met. That's part of the reason I started dating him because he didn't seem to have PTSD issues. Of course I will be here to love and support him no matter what.. But coming from a previous relationship with a physically and emotionally abusive boyfriend, I really rather not go through that again, especially not with my kids. That just scares me.

 

[Gadgie]

It was over thirty years before my horrors started, it was started off with one sudden incident, that shocked my brain into pouring everything from over all those years to spill out.

The nightmares and mood swings started straight after that, and have been haunting me ever since, at least you will have a good idea as to how to cope with your husbands PTSD, as there is plenty information and true life accounts on here that you can read.

As well as that, you also have all the support available from this site as well, I think this will be of great help to you, as it sounds like you will be standing by him all the way through this, and he will really need that support, good luck.

 

[Love MyHusband]

It was over thirty years before my horrors started, it was started off with one sudden incident, that sho...

I hope you are doing better now. That must have been horrible.

I will definitely stick by my husband and support him, in just still not sure exactly how to do that. I feel just lost about all this.

 

[Gadgie]

Don't worry, like I said there is plenty support for you right here, from people who in real life are doing exactly what you will be doing. These people who are experiencing it all in real time, not read about it in some book, or a blog on line?

All the support you will ever need, is right here, remember you are not alone. I've only recently found this site myself, and within an hour of reading through it, I felt like I had found a long lost home, so much so, that I signed up and joined right away. Stuck with it, you are not alone.

 

[Love MyHusband]

Thanks so much! I will definitely be around here trying to soak up as much info as I can.

 

[seedling]

In its way it is about you. You are involved, you are close to it. Don't discount your experience and emotions around it. It will involve the whole family.

It's a great sign that he is starting therapy. He may be too overwhelmed to go to see the new therapist and the psychiatrist all at once, things progress slowly and in fits and starts. If he can keep going to therapy, stick to it, that will be good. His therapist will encourage him about the meds.

If you've been in a past abusive relationship you will know what your boundaries are and what you will not put up with. That can be a strength. You will stand your ground when needed and it will help you both to deal with the emotions and issues rather than have them control you.

It will seem hard. It will take time. There is hope of getting to a new place where he will "be back."

 

[Love MyHusband]

In its way it is about you. You are involved, you are close to it. Don't discount your experience and e...

Glad you could spin my past abuse into a positive. Lol. Seriously though, I see what you mean. I really do think I am stronger because of my past with that. I just didn't see how it could be useful in this situation. I really do hope it never comes down to that though.

I do hope he can stick with therapy. I'm so glad that he chose to get help on his own. I tell him almost daily that I am so proud of him. I'm thinking I should probably start therapy too just to give myself a safe space to express my feelings and concerns about this. I just feel like a mess myself since his diagnosis, but I've been trying my best to hide it from him so he's not more stressed or whatever. Plus when I get emotional and he just stares flatly back at me, that hurts.

This is hard. Definitely thinking therapy for me would be beneficial.

 

[Gadgie]

It took my second wife a long time to tell me everything about her first husband, she told me that he used to hit her and so on, but it took a lot longer before she could tell me ......"everything,"......and to think she suffered that for 23 years, just for the sake of her kids?

So, in a way, we were there for each other, and your right, I think my wife would have benefited from some therapy as well. It took her a long time before she could accept compliments of any kind, the more I think of her.....the more I miss her.

 

[Love MyHusband]

It took my second wife a long time to tell me everything about her first husband, she told me that he use...

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure she felt much better after she finally confided in you.

My husband definitely doesn't know everything about my past relationship. He knows what lead up to the restraining order, but that's really it. He never wanted to talk about past relationships. I'm actually not even sure if I know the whole story about his divorce. He definitely has walls up. He's admitted that. I would openly tell him anything about my past.. I might have anxiety attacks while telling him, but I would do it. I hope one day he will be able to open up to my like your second wife did.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Welcome @Love MyHusband

It's a learning curve, for sure.