Sufferer New To Trauma Therapy And Emdr. Looking For Support And Understanding.

[TimeToHeal]

Hi everyone. I'm glad to have stumbled onto this site and forum. Not sure what else to say in introduction!

 

[Viosinger]

Welcome. I've found a wonderful community here :-).

 

[hina_hanta]

Hello, and welcome! :):hug:

 

[NIKI]

Hi. Welcome. :)

 

[Hope4Now]

Hi and welcome! If you're willing, share a bit about your story with us. I've been on this forum for several weeks now and it has been helpful in more ways than I can possibly articulate.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Well, I've been in and out of treatment and therapy, inpatient and outpatient, for most of my life. I've received a myriad of diagnoses....some accurate, some not so much.

It wasn't until about 5 years ago that I was finally given the diagnosis of PTSD. It was actually kind of a relief...I know that may sound strange. But my whole life prior to that had been riddled with labels such as the "bad kid," the "troublemaker," a "f*** up," etc. PTSD finally gave me a "why," I have been the way I am.

I don't know why it took so long for someone to finally recognize my symptoms and behavior were indicative of a "trauma response," but it did. Shortly after that stint in treatment, I took about a 5 year break from therapy....I had a really hard time finding a good fit with a good therapist. I recently (about 5 months ago) room a chance and tried again. This time I was really lucky and found a fabulous therapist and trauma specialist.

We recently (just last week) began EMDR. Even through all my years of treatment, this was the first I'd heard of EMDR. I didn't really know what to expect from myself....and honestly was quite surprised. I dredged up all sorts of past events....things I hadn't thought about in a long time....things I didn't realize had had an impact on me. Afterward, I felt sort of frozen for a time....literally sat in my car for 10-15 minutes, unable to move. Then drove about 20 miles in this weird sort of fog where nothing really felt real and I didn't quite feel like I was a part of this world or something. Since then I've felt sort of distant and withdrawn. What have I opened up?!

I emailed my therapist later that afternoon and she said what I described sounded pretty normal. That I had gone into a "type of self protective mode," and that that was ok. I have my next appointment on Tuesday and I'm anxious to see where we go from here. What does all this mean and what do I do with it all?! I really hope that beginning EMDR wasn't a mistake. I've learned from reading posts on here that most people seem to experience a sort of worsening before it gets better. I really hope that's all this is!

Sorry this has gotten so long! I could write so much more but I will leave it at that for now! Thank you all for making me feel welcome, and I look forward to getting to know you all better!

 

[intothelight]

Hi TimeToHeal,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

I am glad you are reading the posts about EMDR as there is a lot of information there, and would suggest you also read some of the articles. Did your therapist give you some tools for dealing with the aftermath of the sessions? If not, it may be a good thing to bring up so you when you experience an increase in symptoms you are able to handle them effectively.

Debbie

 

[TimeToHeal]

Thank you, intothelight! I'm glad to have found the forum.

Yes, we established a calm/safe place, and talked about different grounding and self soothing methods. They have been somewhat helpful, but I've just been feeling generally down. Not sure if this is because we haven't finished.....I had no idea how much stuff would come up....or if it's something else.

I guess I'm glad to be finally addressing these things/events, but it does kind of suck right now. I'm trying to stay positive and not totally withdraw, but it's tough.

Thanks again for the welcome.

 

[Hope4Now]

Afterward, I felt sort of frozen for a time....literally sat in my car for 10-15 minutes, unable to move. Then drove about 20 miles in this weird sort of fog where nothing really felt real and I didn't quite feel like I was a part of this world or something. Since then I've felt sort of distant and withdrawn. What have I opened up?!

Thanks for sharing! I haven't done EMDR, but what you describe pretty much sums up what I feel after most of my therapy appointments. Your therapist sounds really good. Best wishes for you on Tuesday.