New Year. Same Ol'

[Ufor]

Don't think I can do this another year. Been verbally abused since Veterans day. No bday gift, no Christmas gift and a verbal attack first thing New years day. He's on a new medicine. Could that be the problem or is he just a d#*k? Probably both!! I deserve better and am determined to get it. With or without him. I wish he knew his brother is a trigger for him but he refuses to admit it. Whenever he spends time (gets drunk) with him all hell breaks loose when he gets home. And tonight was no different!! Just need to vent right now before I regret my actions. While he's passed out in the chair. F this s#*t. I need a game plan!!! 2017 the year of ME!!! Thanks for listening. Happy new year!

 

[Agego]

Hey, good for you :D
I decided to leave mine too
Here's to us enjoying 2017 :cool:

 

[Icul]

Yes 2017 is a year for you!!! Sorry you are being treated this way. You deserve better. I think making a plan is a good choice. His behaviour doesn't sound like PTSD. It sounds like a dick. Please take care of you :hug:

 

[Ufor]

Hey, good for you :D
I decided to leave mine too
Here's to us enjoying 2017 :cool:

Hey, good for you :D
I decided to leave mine too
Here's to us enjoying 2017 :cool:

Thank you. Can I ask what your breaking point was and when you realized it wasn't going to improve?

 

[Adom]

Thank you. Can I ask what your breaking point was and when you realized it wasn't going to improve?

Sure, 2 things come to mind. After turning myself inside out for years to try everything i could think of to get through to him how much he was hurting me. And him doing all sorts of contortions to lay the blame on me I decided enough was enough.

I think the shock of me not playing his game anymore shifted the power balance enough for him to agree to drink less.

We had a pretty nice year after that. Not perfect but quite enjoyable. I must stress he's not physically violent, and when not drunk can be quite sweet.

My confidence started to pick up, I felt a bit more like me again. Which was great.

So when he started drinking heavily again I angry and stood up for mysrlf more.

I think that he felt threatened by that and tried to take back control. The abuse in the year following was the worst it's ever been.

It got so there was really nothing at all good left in the relationship. He did all he could to ruin anything I enjoyed, all the while blaming me for it.

Having had a happier year before, I thought there's no way I'm going through years of shutting myself down in every way for his stupid 'benefit' I really did feel like he was killing my spirit.

I posted about it here
I Need To Leave My Partner.

And the book suggested by @Ms Spock
The Verbally Abusive Relationship, How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evan really did help me see what he was doing and that he'd never stop.

I read it over and over to keep reminding myself he was the bad one not me. And I started finding out info online too - just the year before emotional abuse was made illegal in the UK. And I found out I would be eligible to go into a refuge if I wanted.

I'd always thought you could only go in a refuge if you were being physically hurt.

Anyhow my Dad became ill and I went to look after him. He was diagnosed with termibal Cancer and died soon after.
The day after his funeral he shouted at me for hours and hours. Taking myself off to my bedroom for not help, he followed me and shouted for hours more.

I've never seen him so aggressive and full of rage. Really frightened me.

It will take a while for me to get organised and get out as am getting over the worst period of depression I can remember. And have Dad's estate to sort out too

Looking forward to the future now tho :p

 

[Gibo]

Get divorced before you sort out your Dad's estate or you could lose half to him. Get a solicitor ASAP.

Go to a women's re

 

[Wiram]

The most dangerous time in a woman's life in Australia is the 6 months after her leaving or the point of leavin an abusive relationship. 62% of homicides occur then - that is what we learnt at Law School.

 

[Pave]

I posted about it here
I Need To Leave My Partner.

And the book suggested by @Ms Spock
The Verbally Abusive Relationship, How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evan really did help me see what he was doing and that he'd never stop.

I read it over and over to keep reminding myself he was the bad one not me. And I started finding out info online too - just the year before emotional abuse was made illegal in the UK. And I found out I would be eligible to go into a refuge if I wanted.

I'd always thought you could only go in a refuge if you were being physically hurt.

Anyhow my Dad became ill and I went to look after him. He was diagnosed with termibal Cancer and died soon after.
The day after his funeral he shouted at me for hours and hours. Taking myself off to my bedroom for not help, he followed me and shouted for hours more.

I've never seen him so aggressive and full of rage. Really frightened me.

Time to ring the police

 

[Ufor]

Sure, 2 things come to mind. After turning myself inside out for years to try everything i could think of to get through...

Thank you ALL for the feedback!! I'm truly grateful for it.... Well this is how the last 24 hours went. Rage. Rage. Rage. Verbal abuse. Verbal abuse. Verbal abuse. Cuss. Cuss. Cuss..... And that was me. Lol!! Seriously though it wasn't pretty. After he finally fell asleep last night I was laying in bed (he was on the couch) and I cried. 3 tears. That's it. And I wondered what exactly I was crying about. And I thought was it the name calling, the hatred in his words, the blank look in his eyes, the heartless and cruel things I couldn't believe anyone could think about a loved one let alone scream in their face. It was none of those things. That shit happens quite frequently which is why I was wondering what those 3 tears were for. Well I came to the conclusion is that they were for me. The old me. The me who wasn't the life of the party but I was at the party. The me who was all about family and friends. The me who didn't have alot but loved what she had. etc. etc. So I decided I want to be that person again. I don't like who I've become. I have to get my finances in order and save a lil money up so hopefully I can move out in a couple months. Yes months as I don't have a car right now. I do love him very much but I have to love me MORE right now. The statistics of military relationships failing is huge. Throw in combat and PTSD I can only imagine the numbers.

Anyhoo I will pick up the books you mentioned and probably a few more. Knowledge is power!! It will take a couple days before he and I will talk as I am still furious and he always cowers after a blowout like last night and this morning. Sorry, I feel like I'm rambling. Alot going on in the ol' noggin right now.

@Agego/Adom? I read your post you mentioned and feel like I wrote it. Thank you for sharing. I did see that it is 11 months old and that makes me sad for you and me and all of US. I see how I have changed these 4 short years and I am determined to not continue this any longer than I have to. I love him and now know he is unable to live with anyone not just me.
Thanks again to all of you it's great to finally share my feelings to people who understand. Can't talk with friends or family or they'd think I was the one with the mental illness. (secondary PTSD, that's another thread). Have a peaceful night everyone!

 

[Domah]

Thank you ALL for the feedback!! I'm truly grateful for it.... Well this is how the last 24 hours went. Rage. Rage. Rage....

I'm really happy you've decided!

 

[Divevo]

I understand your 3 tears. A year and a half ago I had the same tears.
The tears of losing yourself, the tears of the anger you have for yourself.

" why did I let someone treat me this way.
" how can I just stand here and let someone yell at me and call me names. Use all my insecurities against me.
" make me feel worthless.
" Look at me with anger and hate.
Or
Was it because that person once treated you with respect, supported you, looked at you with love. Told you he loved you. He was loving, funny,kind and you felt safe.

My tears where all of the above. I was mourning what I had lost.
We went to marriage Counseling and this is what I learned.

I did the best I could, with what I had at the time. We are still together and still in Counseling for just over a year now. I see the person I fell in love with again. He treats me with respect, love and kindness. But I also see the pain on this face of how he treated me. The guilt and shame he feels as he watches me find myself again. We support each other the best we can. I'm not in anyway saying stay. I didn't live for 4 years being treated shitty. I just want to share with you. Once my husband decided to feel more then anger, he was able to start recovery. At the time the anger kept him safe, but almost destroyed me and us. Just know your a strong person and you deserve to be treat with respect, love,
and kindness. I thought I lost myself but the truth is, I was just hiding because I knew I deserved better. You deserve better. Sorry for rambling. Sending support, hugs and understanding.