Sufferer Newbie Here

[RocketMCInfantry0311]

Hello All,
My name is Rocky. I go by the nickname Rocket. I am brand new to the Forum so I wanted to say hello, and bless you all. I hope everyone is hanging in there and doing their best.
I served in the Marine Corps Infantry. I have been a Fireman, Corpsman or Medic for long AL department. I worked as a Supervisor for a lock up crew of gang members and high threat individuals. I have been through a lot and have seen a lot. I was diagnosed today with severe PTSD. I know I've felt as though I have been going crazy for years. I don't speak much about it. I don't want my family and kid knowing about my tours and working as a medic and what I have seen.
I just wanted to say a little about what I'm going through and introduce myself. I hope you all with speak with me.
Again god bless you all. I hope everyone is doing okay. I look forward to speaking with you all.

 

[hodge]

Hi Rocket, welcome to the forum. Thank you for your service. I was diagnosed in 2006 and yeah I was really going crazy before treatment. It gets a little easier with that. I'm sure you will find others here with similar experiences. My PTSD is not combat related, but I share the symptoms and the other after effects. Take care.

 

[RocketMCInfantry0311]

Hi Rocket, welcome to the forum. Thank you for your service. I was diagnosed in 2006 and yeah I was really...

You are very welcome. I have been going through this stuff for many years. Since discharge. It's been real hard on my fiance and my kid. I hope everyone will share words such as yourself with me. Thank you for taking time out of your life to say hello. Together we will fight this crap!

 

[Sighs]

Hi @Rocket.

I am the daughter of a combat PTSD sufferer (from before I was born) and am now the partner of a combat PTSD sufferer. Very happy to chat to you, your partner or your child (if he/she is old enough to want to discuss anything).

 

[RocketMCInfantry0311]

Good evening Ma'am,
So glad and good to speak with you Ma'am. My child is 8 and my Fiance, well, I can't tell her a lot of what I was witness to, or what my mind replays in my every move. She does hear my cries during the night as the flash back crash through my mind. She is loving and is very good to me. I just can't look her in the eyes and tell her what has happend. I fear it would ruin her. It is her touch and soft voice I call for during any flash. She is a strong woman and so beautiful, well, in my eyes, she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I just can't break it to her heart what I've lived.

 

[hodge]

You are welcome, Rocket. This has been very hard on my husband, too. But, yes, together here and in therapy, we can fight this! I am sure you will hear more from others. Take care!!

 

[RocketMCInfantry0311]

You are welcome, Rocket. This has been very hard on my husband, too. But, yes, together here and in therap...

Thank you Ma'am. You are a very kind person. Thank you for taking time to say hello to me. Tell your husband god bless him. God bless you Ma'am.

 

[hodge]

Oh, dear Rocket, it breaks my heart to hear about this. It is your judgment about whether or not to tell her about your stuff, but I hope you keep going to therapy so you can tell someone about it all. That is so important! I've been through many traumas since 11 years old and on and never told anyone about any of them till I was in my early 40s, so I can tell you from experience that the sooner you get your stuff out and processed, the better! I know that sounds easier than done and it is easier said than done, but that is just what we have to do to heal ourselves. Take care!!

 

[hodge]

Lol, please don't call me ma'am, okay? It makes me feel old! I am Hodge. I will convey your blessings to my husband -- thank you so much. If you share your interactions here with your wife, please send her my prayers, as my prayers go out to you, too.

 

[Sighs]

Do you want to tell her? Does she want to be told? My partner has told me some things whereas my father has not told me anything ever. I don't think you necessary have to disclose the details of your trauma to your partner.

I think its more important for her to understand why you react in certain ways. For example, if you are hypervigilent it would help her to understand that if someone said to her - 'You know how you feel if you are woken up by a noise in the night and your heart is pounding and you're straining to hear and you're on edge? Well, that how some people with PTSD feel all the time."

I second @hodge though that it would be great if you found a therapist you can share your trauma with.

 

[RocketMCInfantry0311]

Lol, please don't call me ma'am, okay? It makes me feel old! I am Hodge. I will convey your blessings to...

Hodge, thank you very much. For everything!!! Take care and God bless...

 

[RocketMCInfantry0311]

Do you want to tell her? Does she want to be told? My partner has told me some things whereas my father...

Sighs,
Thank you as well for taking time out of your life, to speak to me. I am very hypervigilant. I enter a room with clearing it on my mind. Watch every step I take. My back is constantly to the wall. If I go to the store I am in and out. I hear a loud bang, and my mind tells me to hit the deck and I swing an imaginary weapon I adapted to carrying for so long. I am still at war, even though I am home. I want to tell her, but she has lived a sheltered life. I would much rather share with you all, and just have her do as she does with me regularly