Newbie Introduction

[tuchon35]

I figured I would give this a shot. I am a USMC combat veteran, who was also abused as a child. My issues are pretty deep, and complex. However, I am putting up a good fight. Recently I found myself trying to come to peace with the past, and more or less trying to figure out to deal with its effects.

I have isolated myself so much in the past couple years, that is made seeking help or maintaining support. It seems like I am making one good last push to break to the cycle. I have surrounded myself with some good people, stepped up my therapy sessions, and I am being honest with myself. The only thing i cannot determine is if my expectations will set me up for failure.

In a month I have a court date to determine custody of my kids, and it scares me to death if I were to lose them. They are the only thing holding me together. The court has set a seemingly impossible set of rules to follow. I wish they understood the problem more.

Basically, I am using this as another way to try and seek help.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome :)

Be positive. Why would you fail? Set smaller goals if that is what you afraid of.

 

[catjudo]

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you've recently made some really positive steps toward healing. This is a safe place to find additional information, support, and plenty of people who will be honest with you. You may not always like what you hear but people will be honest with you and tell you what you need to hear. Take what is useful for you and leave the rest behind.

It can be scary to consider that our expectations may be too high. Typically, a piece of sound advice would be to set smaller, more attainable goals and do things in small steps. However, if what you're working toward is making sure you don't lose custody of your children, I understand why setting a smaller goal is not realistic or acceptable to you. My daughter is the only thing that holds me together at times and to lose her would be the end of me. You must ask yourself, though, are your symptoms impacting them in a negative way? I don't know the answer to that, only you do. It may seem as though the courts have a set of seemingly impossible rules, and goodness knows our family court system can be flawed, however ultimately they are generally just trying to do whatever is best for your kids. I'm sure you can understand that and agree that you want the best for them as well.

All I can say is dig deep and continue on this new path toward healing. Again, this forum has lots of good information and support. Good luck with your court hearing.

catjudo

Oh, one more thing...thanks for your service to our country.

 

[tuchon35]

I appreciate your advice, and your insight to dilema I am faced with. Like you said, the court is ultimately looking out for the best intrest of the kids. However, the story is more dynamic than I intially wrote. I will explain more, as I feel more comfortable.

I also appreciate your support for the troops. However, I only mentioned it to try and give background information about myself. I have not been able to take pride for my service, and I continually try to seek an identity that removes me from any such stigmas. All, I want to do is move on, accept the past for what it is, and learn how to deal with the after effects.

A more relevant topic is the lack of judgement the military uses when evaluating prospects into the armed services. The signs were present, and dismissed.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

You are right. Your children come first. Do you feel you can care for them?

"You may not always like what you hear but people will be honest with you and tell you what you need to hear. Take what is useful for you and leave the rest behind." <------this is great advice catjudo. I try to do that too. Sometimes I have a weird sense of humor, but I am as honest as I can be and still trying to be light. One thing about this place is they don't beat around the bush. And no one ( as far) as judged me! :)

Guilt is normal. If that's what you mean by "I have not been able to take pride for my service..." There are quite a few vets here, I'm sure you can talk too. I don't feel I can talk for them, or about them really...I can talk about the feelings and symptoms of PTSD. Everyone has a story to tell. Thankfully because of our issues most of us see from the same view, just not for the same reasons.

I know this isn't to helpful. But it's all I got and it's a start. I/we wont push you to talk, that's your thing. Talking helps even if its just about your day!

Remember: One foot at a time, and we will all make it. :)

Ayesha

 

[suzie q]

Welcome to the Forum!

As a veteran of the US Navy, I will say thanks for serving. I understand the complications of the military mind and lack of "common sense" the service seems to shove down every soldiers throats. If it merely was just serving our country I'm sure all the vets would come out proud...but... I had my share of politics, power struggles, control freaks, idiots, and some just a few bricks shy of a load. I went through a lot more emotional damage from the higher ups than I ever did "serving my country". I came out angry and confused. I did come out though, and with an Honorable. I'm sure you went through hell and, for that, I am thanking you as a fellow veteran.

I too have had many childhood traumas and abuse and understand how complicated all this sh*t can get. I tried to handle my own baggage for many years and only ended up with very dangerous mental conditions. I eventually gave up trying to be my own therapist and looked for someone with my history that could relate first hand. Took me awhile, but I found them and worked through all the nightmares that were causing me great pain. I hated it was a slow process, but like you, I put up a good fight and never quit until I had my relief and answers on how to live life on life's terms. The PTSD flares from time to time, but I learn here and from others how to handle my symptoms. I can have quality of life if I don't chose to give up....

I wish you the best in your struggle with the courts and your children. It's so good to hear that there are still young men out there that WANT to be in their kids lives. That's something to be proud of for sure!