Hi all,
It's only right to say hello, so here I am. I'm an adult survivor of childhood abusers. I thought that when I wsa old enough to leave my abusers I would be free. Decades on I suffer cPTSD and dissociate heavily in more more ways than one. I don't know who or what "me" is. I've done my fair share of shit things to myself. Life has no discernable timeframe. Self entities appear distinct, disbanded, usually at loggerheads. I live with ghosts of my own self who still seem to think they have rights to my current day. I follow on in their wake trying to piece togehter what has happened. Foreign voices leave me questioning my fate. I've been in therapy for more years than I care to mention. I've been given a broad number of symptom nomenclatures which I think are largely based on the person dishing them out. I've tried to do the right thing all the way along. I work like a dog at what people tell me will help and bury my uncommunicative heels in the ground when my energies will take no more. Moreover, I just leave myself. Mostly I like being alone and away, people stress me, but conversely I feel alienated, unable to please. I always want to be away from whwere I am and who I'm with. I'm beyond lookind for help, afraid of the expectations of friends, I just want some kind of connection to somthing. Sorry to be vague.
Forever
It's only right to say hello, so here I am. I'm an adult survivor of childhood abusers. I thought that when I wsa old enough to leave my abusers I would be free. Decades on I suffer cPTSD and dissociate heavily in more more ways than one. I don't know who or what "me" is. I've done my fair share of shit things to myself. Life has no discernable timeframe. Self entities appear distinct, disbanded, usually at loggerheads. I live with ghosts of my own self who still seem to think they have rights to my current day. I follow on in their wake trying to piece togehter what has happened. Foreign voices leave me questioning my fate. I've been in therapy for more years than I care to mention. I've been given a broad number of symptom nomenclatures which I think are largely based on the person dishing them out. I've tried to do the right thing all the way along. I work like a dog at what people tell me will help and bury my uncommunicative heels in the ground when my energies will take no more. Moreover, I just leave myself. Mostly I like being alone and away, people stress me, but conversely I feel alienated, unable to please. I always want to be away from whwere I am and who I'm with. I'm beyond lookind for help, afraid of the expectations of friends, I just want some kind of connection to somthing. Sorry to be vague.
Forever
