Sufferer Newly Diagnosed PTSD - Medical Trauma & Stillbirth

[Seely]

Hi, I am new here. 6 weeks ago, I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy. Immediately afterwards I started hemorrhaging and had to have emergency surgeries and multiple blood transfusions. I almost died that night. I didnt remember anything until I woke up strapped to a bed with a tube in my throat and no idea where I was. I was okay for about a month, but then I started getting flashbacks and now have uncontrollable intrusive thoughts that are debilitating. Horrible things like waking up in the morgue unable to move and being buried alive. I havent been able to eat much for a week and have lost 6 pounds. I have started therapy, but just one session. Its these thoughts that are disrupting every aspect of my life. I have anxiety all day. I am hoping I can relate to others in the same situation.

 

[Nam]

Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss. You have at least two traumas in one night. I worked in L&D for seven years and know what trouble you were in. I'm glad you're still here.

We can relate to the intrusive thoughts too. I'm usually disgusted at myself for thinking of such horrible things. They will wane with time and therapy but it might get worse before it gets better. I hope you find comfort here.

 

[littleoc]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Very glad you found us :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

Hi, I am new here. 6 weeks ago, I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy.

hi and welcome to the forum. I cannot pretend to understand what you are going through. I never managed to get pregnant, let alone carry a pregnancy.. I have greatest sympathies and hope you are getting the real life support and help you deserve.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the community :)

 

[Seely]

Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss. You have at least two traumas in one night. I worked in L&D for seven years and know what trouble you were in. I'm glad you're still here.

We can relate to the intrusive thoughts too. I'm usually disgusted at myself for thinking of such horrible things. They will wane with time and therapy but it might get worse before it gets better. I hope you find comfort here.

Thank you. Yes, everything that happened was totally unexpected. These thoughts I get never bothered me before. It is so weird how invasive they can be and I am embarrassed by it.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @Seely - welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm pleased you are in therapy right now. I agree that you need a person in real life where you can just let all of this stuff that is swirling around in your head to talk with regularly. Can you see your therapist twice a week for a while?

You could start to journel what you are thinking and feeling. There does seem to be some benefit to pouring them onto a page and getting these thoughts and feelings outside of yourself. You'd probably need to do it reasonably regularly and certainly when they start to overwhelm you.

You can start a diary here on this forum. Take a look around you should find where they are without too many difficulties.

Alternatively, handwriting is quite therapeutic too. So is drawing & painting are all good ways of allowing yourself to express these thoughts.

The fact that the thoughts are intrusive may indicate the level of distress you are still currently feeling. So please give yourself time to process this huge life event you've just survived. You have so much to process Seely and you are doing the right thing by seeking help.

 

[Seely]

Hello @Seely - welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm pleased you are in therapy right now. I agree that you need a person in real life where you can just let all of this stuff that is swirling around in your head to talk with regularly. Can you see your therapist twice a week for a while?

You could start to journel what you are thinking and feeling. There does seem to be some benefit to pouring them onto a page and getting these thoughts and feelings outside of yourself. You'd probably need to do it reasonably regularly and certainly when they start to overwhelm you.

You can start a diary here on this forum. Take a look around you should find where they are without too many difficulties.

Alternatively, handwriting is quite therapeutic too. So is drawing & painting are all good ways of allowing yourself to express these thoughts.

The fact that the thoughts are intrusive may indicate the level of distress you are still currently feeling. So please give yourself time to process this huge life event you've just survived. You have so much to process Seely and you are doing the right thing by seeking help.

Thank you so much for responding. I am only going to therapy once a week, and have just recently started. Journaling sounds like a good idea. I enjoying writing, coloring, using my hands. I just cant seem to find any joy in things or motivation to even attempt anything. It is just overwhelming. It all came on suddenly with the thoughts and the anxiety.
Thank you for all the suggestions and the encouraging words. They really do help and mean a lot.

 

[blackemerald1]

I just cant seem to find any joy in things or motivation to even attempt anything.

^Just a note to add.
Don't do it right now for joy, art or satisfaction. If you must, do it as a chore.
Something you must do for no less than five minutes a day whether you want to or not.
If nothing comes up to write about doodle or scribble or even just sit there and look at the blank page till the time you've set is up.
Don't try to be perfect in your execution or delivery. Don't go back and re-word stuff or fix up 'errors'.
Just throw it down there and then walk away.
You don't have to re-read it, show it to anyone or even keep it. That's not the point of it right now.
You can do it any time, or lots of times each day but try to do it daily if possible.

You'll know when to stop or slow down.

Also to add keep in touch :hug: