Nightmares, Nightmares Go Away

[iwannadeletethis]

STILL having this reoccurring nightmare. It's been AT LEAST 10 years. When I was a kid and I would start getting semi distracted from a pet, it would mysteriously die. All the same way. I later discovered that they had symptoms of poisoning. My mother had a strange interest in poison. I put two and two together. A dog, a rabbit, and many many hamsters. Possibly the bird too. I still have dreams of neglecting hamsters or small rodents. My brain will skip a beat, I'll remember the animal. And panic. I wake up when I panic, never knowing if the creature is ok. I thought the dreams had pretty much gone, but severe anxiety brought one back last night. In the nightmare I was trying to create individual homes for each and individual one; scrambling around and anxious. Then I look up, and this rat that I really adored was in a glass fireplace. Then my mom appears to the side of it cranking flames slowly into the furnace. The rat is scrambling and I'm attempting to scream; but my voice isn't working due to the shock I was in. When I could finally muster something out, my mom stopped cranking the furnace, and my poor little animal passes out into my hands. I wake up again, never knowing if the animal survives.

Anyone know what this may mean?

 

[Fadeaway]

Posting now,so I remember to come back to this when I am not half asleep.

 

[Autumn76]

I am so sorry you had to experience that as a child. Offering you a big hug if you want to accept it.

There are two ways of thinking about dreams and I am one of those that don't believe dreams mean anything. Had you been thinking about that before going to sleep?

 

[iwannadeletethis]

@Autumn76 i honestly don't think about it at all until I have dreams. It's been a very long time. I feel like dreams reveal stress in the subconscious. But I don't understand why that ones such a broken record.

 

[Autumn76]

I hadn't ever thought of it as revealing stress but that makes a lot of sense. Sounds like it would be worth mentioning to your t

 

[Fadeaway]

I'm back. Sorry, I was just not in the right place before to respond,but I knew I wanted too. I think there is the possibility that this dream is about guilt you are having over what your mother did. Guilt for wanting the animals to begin with, losing interest and then in the end not being able to stop her. At least not in time.

It's certainly not your fault, good parents know that kids aren't really responsible yet, so if they don't want to end up taking care of the pet, they tell the kid no, you can't have one. I think the dream is recognizing the fact that you mother had some psychopathic tendencies. Poisoning animals isn't exactly the normal behavior of a loving person.

I don't know if this does or doesn't make since, but if it doesn't I would certainly keep looking at it if it isn't too distressful. I think dreams like these give incredible insight if you can get past the emotional component.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

@Fadeaway that makes sense. I was always raised to think I could avoid a way to not be perfect. I'm sure I do feel guilty and I've been getting jaded about it. I've always loved animals so much. I've tried to stop loving them too. Then I think I'm a little off balanced if I swoon over a puppy or something. And being smarter about things. I always feel guilty when I get to 20/20.

 

[mamachick]

My nightmares have gotten a bit better and so has my sleep because I have someone else in the house, at least I think that is why. I am falling asleep earlier. Use to be daylight. That has helped to normalize life a bit. The beginning of the year, I had a few nightmares about the cop that assaulted me. In march, the cop got arrested for domestic vilolence and brandishing a weapon, and the nightmares became more frequent.

The past few days, the nightmares have been about his female partner. She allowed him to do what he did. Clearly he was in charge. She did make him give me some heat when my teeth were chattering, but other than that, went along with his behavior and lied about what he did. One nightmare I had, she pulled me over for running a stop sign and was about to rough me up and I went nuts, head butted her like a pro, and bit her face. My teeth were like that of an animal, a tiger or pit bull. They were sharp and I bit her whole cheek off and she was bleeding horribly and I didnt care. Very unlike me. Then another, we were both in a local gas station where she made a commercial and this gang of bad men came in and assaulted her and took her gun. They were toying with her and I knew they were going to rape and torture her. They were not going to let me go either, but I told them she is wicked and I hope they do hurt her, so they did let me go, and I drove off and made to attempt to call for help. I just drove away seeing her be torchured by about 5 ugly dirty men.

I have felt guilty for doing this and it was just a dream. I know how stupid that sounds, on the other hand, I liked seeing her put in this position and that is why I felt quilty after waking. She makes it tough for all women b lying for male partners.

There have been many more and it makes me afraid because I have parasomnia and have called my dauther and told her what I was dreaming only I was awake and alert but asleep. Therapist says its an altered state between sleep and awake.

I use to be a really good person, now I have doubts. I think God has abandon me, I hate this cop, and maybe her too, I dont knew. I have not in the past.