No support for family…😔😒😥

[LittleGirlBlueLost…]

It’s been 3 years since my dads passing and 2 years for my mom this July. I feel like I have no support from my family, my cousin D I will call her, her dad passed on last year Dec 30 and she thinks since it’s been almost 2 years I should be over moms passing. It’s harder at night for me for… some reason. I am still in so much pain it feels like a deep knife is cutting into me, sometimes I can smile when I think of mom. What’s embarrassing I’ll start crying in public. I try not to let her see me cry. I will see something she’d like or would eat that triggers it. Any advice to help me please? Thank you.

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
@LittleLostBluegirl - please log in to post

 

[arfie]

hello and welcome to the forum.

does grief ever end? in my own case, it changes form, but it endures alongside of who/what i am grieving. i never did find forgiveness for what little i knew of my parents when they died 20 (father) and 7 (mother) years ago. with them, hope of reconciliation died with them. my youngest son died 5 years ago and i still feel a wave of sadness every time i am reminded, even when the reminder is happy and makes me smile. the good news is that the smiles are gaining strength in the wave of sadness.

my personal coping is to lean, ever so gently, into the grief and allow it to process through the pain. healing happens.

 

[Movingforward10]

Your grief is your grief. There is no right or wrong.

Your family is your family. They have their positives and limitations. They are showing you that they can't offer what you need in your grief. You might need to accept that. Either they change and behave the way you need, which they haven't done so unlikely to do. Or you change your expectations of them so that you are no longer upset and disappointed by them.

I'm sorry both your parents died.
Lots of us have experienced this grief. My dad died in Feb this year.

 

[Friday]

People dealing with their own grief are often nearly incapable of empathy for others grief.

Let yourself off the hook for being so furious with others.

Pain tends to drive people apart, far more than bring them together.

 

[Tinyflame]

You might try grief support, and getting rid of negative reminders in favor of positive ones. Grief is very personal, and there are different things to grieve and ways to grieve. It is likely you will grieve things others wouldn't consider or think of, and small things may bring the most pain. I have lost my parents, grandparents, all aunts and uncles and all their family members including 3 of my cousins, 2 sisters (but one died before I knew her), and 100's of people I considered friends. I cannot imagine what it feels like to have a parent exist or adult interaction with them beyond a 20-something state at most. Agree with @arfie. Delayed grief is also real, as is numbing and blocking. I do not know how to surmount it, but I do know you can't go back to being the person you were before it. You may appreciate different things and value different things and see and act differently realizing the impermanence of life. There will always be empty chairs that will never fill that likely only you will notice. There's some saying about holes in our heart allow the light to shine through.

I am sorry you are hurting, and I am very sorry for your loss.