No Trust In Any Medical Person

[kris]

Well let's just say I have not had a very good few days. I finally went to the psychiatrist for medication adjustment/first time assessment, and things did not go so well. I hate the doctor and never want to go back again, but I am being forced to go which makes me want to go even less. The whole situation just pisses me off and has made my mood so much worse. I am so mad at myself for even going to the psychiatrist in the first place, and then on the other hand I am mad at my therapist for wanting me to see a psychiatrist and even more mad at the fact that this is who he recommended!

I went into the doctors office trying to trust the counselor and this new person I had never meet before and things went like shit. I want to quit any and all types of therapy drugs and all but I am being forced to continue. If I do not continue I will be forced to do inpatient treatment, willingly or not so I am told. So now I have lost trust that I really didn't even have in this psychiatrist and am just so angry at him.

 

[changed]

Kris I know what you mean.

I really struggle with trust, I think its part of the whole PTSD thing. It took me a long time to build up trust with my T, but I do trust her now. When I was finally honest with her she put me to a psychatrist(which I really didnt want) and he made me agree to going into hospital.
I was upset that it got to that, but my T came to see me and appologised and told me that it was because she liked me and didnt want me coming to any harm and she was worrying about me constantly. It was hurtful that I couldnt just tell her and that be the end of it. Although I know she had my best interests at heart, although at the time it didnt feel like it-she did.

As for my psychiatrist, well he is a jerk who looks at me like a frog he wants to disect!!

If you dont feel your T has your best interests at heart then ask for another! I have found that even if I dont like the suggestions made to me I look at the person offering them and decide their motif for suggesting. I have found with my T everytime that its because she wants to help and cares.

Take Care Kris
Hugs xx

 

[kris]

I do feel my therapist has my best interests at heart he seems to really care and wants to help me. This to me is just crazy because I don't understand how or why anyone would want to even give an ounce of care for me. It's his lack of choosing a psychiatrist for me to see that has me pissed off. I just do not like this psychiatrist I saw, he really pissed me off and as I have said I didn't have any trust built up with him and he went and squished what little confidence I had in me being able to actually continue any type of therapy by threatening me. I guess with my therapist believing in me and not sending or threatening me to be forced into inpatient care made me actually open up to this psychiatrist (otherwise I never would have told him about my suicidal thoughts or attempts) and when he says he is going to admit me to inpatient just scared the crap out of me.

 

[bluecat]

Hi Kris,

can you change to a different psychiatrist? I started going to a psychiatrist my T recommended after I moved. I didn't like her one bit from the very start and the less I liked her, the more I was avoiding getting help for my issues and slipping on refilling my meds etc. I think its really helpful to see a psychiatrist you feel comfortable with, we are all just human, sometimes someone just doesn't click with you. Would your therapist be OK with it if you started seeing someone you're more comfortable with? Your insurance company probably have a list of psychiatrists they cover. Google their names and find someone who sounds OK to you. Thats what I did and it was a huge relief not having to go see this woman I disliked so much anymore.

I don't know where you live, I am in the US and all I had to do was schedule an appointment with the new psychiatrist, and have my PCP fax a referral to him. I didn't even have to tell the previous psychiatrist. Of course, if you have a scheduled appointment and you think this psychiatrist would freak out if you're a no show, then just call him and tell him that you are scheduled to see dr. such and such, sorry nothing personal, its just closer to my work, more accessible for me, better parking, lower co-pay, feel more comfortable with a female, whatever.

That way you don't have to keep dealing with this person you don't like and are still getting the care that you need. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable with your doctor.

BTW, I saw your number of posts and thought at first that it was your age and was really impressed, lol. Then I realized I am just dumb.

Good luck finding a psychiatrist you can live with!

Bluecat

 

[kris]

I don't think I can switch psychiatrists, I think the current one wouldn't believe I am going to anyone. He said if I miss an appointment with him or my therapist he is calling the authorities to have me brought in, so I am scared as well to even try to see someone else although I really do not like this guy I see no way out right now. He also made me schedule 6 weekly appointment for the time being, as I said I feel really stuck right now. Yeah this guy might not want me to kill myself and I know I need more help but threatening me to do inpatient and see him every week did not help any at all. Now I am just so pissed off no I do not want to kill or harm myself at the present either I just want to not have to see this damn doctor! I don't even have insurance right now as well...

 

[changed]

Thats really shit Kris! I dont blame you for felling the way you do! Its not really fair that you are getting threatened when you are at a low point. I reacon you should rant all of this to your T and say you would feel more comfortable trying a different P.
Ive only tried 1 and im not that keen on him, but he hasnt been as much of an ass as yours so far.
I think the P's are all about meds and very by the book. They dont seem human, or have very much compassion at all. If only they took more time to get to know the client like the T's do we might be a bit more cooperative with them!!!

Take Care
Sending Hugs xx

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If you are safe they can't force you to go inpatient. In fact, without a court order, I don't believe you can be forced to take meds. My advice? GET OUT NOW. Your therapist is overstepping his bounds. Either you are not safe and you go inpatient or you are safe and there is no reason for hospitalization. Holding hospitalization over your head is WRONG.

 

[kris]

I have had suicidal attempts before, many years ago I was going to jump of a bridge a couple months ago I was really thinking of od'ing on painkillers and a few weeks after that I wanted to cut my wrists with a razor blade. The only reason I didn't use the blade on my wrists is because I wasn't positive on which way would be most effective. Also last week I had thoughts of hanging myself, I didn't get a rope or anything, I actually fought the thought and went out into the woods and kicked and screamed at trees, and snapped some twigs until I felt better. I also during the day will occasionally have thoughts of self harm but my therapist says he thinks those are more of obsessive like thoughts then wanting to actually harm or kill myself.

To me the fact that last week I was able to control my thoughts and not go farther with an attempt shows I am safe and do not need to do inpatient.

I don't see how I can get out and away from this psychiatrist, anyone have ideas? He says if I don't show up for any of my appointments he will have me brought in for treatment, I don't want to go to his office ever again but I don't want to see what happens as well if I don't show up.

 

[bluecat]

lol, Changed, I think you're right, most psychiatrists I've ever met (whether as a patient or at work) are ripe for some therapy themselves : )

 

[bluecat]

I have had suicidal attempts before, many years ago I was going to jump of a bridge a couple months ago

Hi Kris,

that blows about the appointments. If you can't change it, try to make the best out of it, don't focus on the doctor, focus on your needs and get him to help as much as possible. Think of him as your employee, he really is paid by you, you are the boss ; ) Even the boss has to show up to work. This doctor is there to serve your needs, take advantage of it. I am not saying this lightly, I know its really hard, I personally feel like I need to control any situation, so when I have no choice, I hate it. But think of this, none of us had a choice over our traumas and still we survived and these 6 weeks are nothing compared to what got you PTSD to begin with.

Also, what you're describing sounds like suicidal ideation to me. I've had my moments with it too. When the pain was too much, I wanted to set myself (and an exlover, yes I can have very violent fantasies, but not actions, txs god) on fire. I also had the idea to jump off of a bridge several times, was even standing there, but deep down I knew I won't do it. Life is too precious, even if its all ****ed up ; ) and even the deepest depression has a break sooner or later and it will come for you too. You didn't jump either.

I had times when I wanted to cease to exist so badly, thinking about harming myself in various ways, but I kind of knew too that I am not trying to kill me, just the pain. I think you do too, your going and taking that anger out on the tree instead of yourself shows that you know you don't really deserve it. In a way, killing yourself is a very angry statement, its taking all the anger you feel over being mistreated and turning it against yourself. So maybe its good you're so angry at the psychiatrist, instead of yourself, maybe you're directing your anger at him to keep yourself safe. Stay safe and save some kindness for yourself too, you deserve it.

Good luck and I hope the 6 weeks goes by very quickly, or that you explain your psychiatrist and therapist that you are very glad to go see a psychiatrist, just don't feel comfortable with this particular person. They might see your point and set up an appointment with someone else. You might as well ask, right?

peace,

Bluecat