No Where to Go, and Having Difficulty Getting Professional Support

[her_indoors43]

:Hug_emoticon:trapped that is awesome......im so happy for you.......you are a good person.....you are considerate of your t..feelings......and how to be assertive and not rude.....but stand your ground at same time......we all do the fight or flight...and finding the middle ground is hard......:clap:you did it.....stood your ground politely.....gosh trapped...im so proud of you.......laters..i got to bolt.....:hello:


trapped you are one awesome chiccybabe:occasion:

 

[Xenu]

Lulz. Good job Trapped. That supervisor is gonna think before she starts drinking this Friday.

 

[Jagged Angel]

Well done, Trapped!

 

[BethRSA]

Proud of you, Trapped :thumbs-up

You stood up for yourself and told them what you need. Wow!

 

[trapped]

So I figured out how to handle the therapist stuff, but what do you do when one of your closest friends abandons you and doesn't ever want anything to do with you again, and this happens after you buy her new stuff, house her, feed her, etc. and try to be a good friend? Was I not good enough? Or do I tell her to blow it out her arse? What do you do when part of you feels like telling them to blow it out their arse, and part of you just wants to give them a hug and cry and tell them how worried and concerned you are about them?

 

[Mina]

I would say that it says more about the friend and where she's at in life than it does about you. It's not about you, or you being good enough or not good enough. It's about her.

My first question is, what is the feeling behind your anger? Perhaps hurt? If so, maybe you could write her a letter. Tell her how/why you are hurt, as well as express your concern for her. It sounds as though you are not ready to write off the friendship at this point, so taking a calmer course of action than telling her to blow it out her arse might be the wisest choice right now.

By the way, I'm sorry to hear things went badly.

 

[Cate]

Trapped!!!! :occasion:

Just read about your visit to your T and the supervisor (ggrrrr..that supervisor makes me want to rip my hair out...ggrrr). I'm so proud of you! And Darwin of course....you have to high five him for me! :thumbs-up

I knew you could do it and...you are an inspiration to me ... yaaay :smile:.

I think I may have lost one of my best friends through all of this, too, but my T tells me that, if you're hanging with someone who never makes you smile and who isn't very supportive then maybe they're not the greatest people for you to have around right now. You have to concentrate on yourself, as selfish as that may sound, and get the confidence back that was taken away from you over the years.

You can do it!! You're awesome.

Thanks for the inspiration :kiss:

Cate

 

[Tessa]

HI Trapped,
I'm sorry it is so hard for you. I got yelled at also and it really traumatised me further. Please don't hurt yourself. There are other people out here who know what it feels like. You deserve to be here and its not your fault someone else was having a bad day.
Take Care
Tessa

 

[trapped]

Mina- yeah, I'm definitely hurt, and upset, and frustrated, and feeling abandoned and alone, and feeling like I'm not good enough, and like it's all my fault and if only I could have done better, been a better friend, if only I could have handled listening to her unload all her problems on me for 4-5 hours at a time without setting boundaries and telling her I couldn't handle that much, that I could listen for shorter periods of time, and could help in other ways, but couldn't sit there and listen as intensely and help as much with that as a professional therapist which is what I told her she needed... if only I hadn't said that... maybe things would be okay. But most of all, I think I'm worried and concerned and afraid for her. She got rid of ALL her possessions. I'm honestly hoping it's just me she doesn't want to talk to, and not ALL her friends like she said, I'm going to be trying to contact some other people she knows and see if she's told any of them the same things. I hope that she hasn't. Because when someone is really depressed, when they just want to lay around the house and sulk and cry for days at a time even when they're visiting people they don't get to see often, when they say some of the things she's said, and do all that in combination with quitting their job, giving away all their possessions, cutting themselves off from all of their friends, and some other things she's done, I'm really worried about her safety. I can't write her a letter, because she strictly stated she doesn't want anything to do with me, doesn't want to hear from me, doesn't want any emails, phone calls, letters, visits, etc...

Cate- thanks... now hey, I think you said you were going to pick up a shirt, no? lol

Even Darwin is in the spirit now... Link Removed

 

[Mina]

Trapped, your friend's reaction is FAR too severe to have been caused by you or something you did or didn't do. Getting rid of everything she owns and completely isolating herself are some frighteningly extreme symptoms of something unrelated to you. My first thought would be that she is suicidal. My second guess would be joining a cult.

Do you always do what irrational people tell you? :wink: I'm kidding, but honestly, I would write her a letter anyway, and definitely talk to others who know her. I do understand that you want to respect her wishes, but I think in this case you have good reason to go against them since she is not behaving rationally, and it is quite possible she is a danger to herself.

By the way, 4-5 hours? Wow...the most I can manage is maybe an hour with anybody unloading to me...and that's on a good day.

 

[trapped]

Thanks Mina... she's not the type of person to join a cult, and I don't suspect that's what she's doing, but the suicidal part is what I'm worried about... especially because I know she's attempted it in the past, that was a LONG time ago before I met her, but I'm really scared she's gonna try it again. I sent an email to her other friends that I know, there's not many of them, but wanted to connect with the ones I could. I really don't know what to do to help her. :( I can't even call anyone to have them do a psych eval, for two reasons. One, I'm not sure where she's staying right now. I know the general area she'll be in for the next few days, but don't know exactly where, and I don't know a good way to find out. Two, she would talk her way through the psych eval anyway and I don't think they'd do anything to help her. She knows better than most people I know how to talk her way through an eval like that and get them to think she's the most rational person around... and I asked her why she got rid of all her possessions, and she said that it was what God wanted her to do. Whenever God gets brought into the picture, then that automatically complicates things. There's a really thin line between religious practices and delussional behavior, and it's a hard line to draw and justify.

 

[ANCHOR]

hmmmm....I have a good friend who is "bipolar"....

I have a good friend who is bipolar...he can sometimes loose control of his anger and when I first moved home I had to quit seeing him for awhile. I called him because I was just desperate for company...but he got some bad news and reacted badly...he yelled something aggressively and beat on his car. I told him that he just couldn't behave like that around me ever again because I had a panic attack. I told him I know he didn't mean it but that doesn't matter and that I could NOT be around him again...that he needed to deal with it differently and find help to do so if that is what it takes. I stopped calling him for two whole months, at least. He was scared I ditched our friendship. Which I had not. I set a very strong boundary.

Anyway, it didn't make me feel great. It was tough love...but he did in fact sound much much healthier when I called him recently. And he is taking up yoga, from time to time, to deal with his locomotive mind. So, telling your good friend that they are asking too much of you and that they might need help is nothing to be ashamed of. If you are willing to attend therapy or groups then a friend should not be offended when you maturely suggest the same for them. My friend has not found good affordable therapy, but he added some healthy coping mechanisms, which I felt was really positive. And he was not offended at all when I suggested it...and he has (and this is really hard to write) tried to commit suicide 8 times in the past. Thank god I never saw this.

My heart is really with you on this one. I don't think I have any suggestions. The letter was a good idea...she will most likely read it no matter what she said. If you have the time write more than one letter and slip them under her door every couple of days. But don't feel responsible for her. Remember, she is your friend and you just want to be kind, but you are not responsible for her. She has to choose to let you back in...and maybe when she does you two can better outline the boundaries in your friendship together...because this would help her, too, maintain an even temperament. :Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon: