Nobody Understands My Ptsd

[OCDandPTSDSufferer]

I was just on the phone with my mom talking about my PTSD. I was physically abused a couple of times as a child and TONS of emotional abuse, both from my dad. Whenever I talk to my dad, even on the phone like tonight, it causes night upon night of nightmares and sometimes panic attacks. I told this to my mom who raised her voice at me and told me to "not be ridiculous". She says she doesn't think I have PTSD, even though I match the symptoms of the disorder and was formally and professionally diagnosed with a mental health provider. She said I wasn't even beat that much. True, but one or two times has left scars that will last a lifetime and the YEARS of emotional abuse did even more damage. I can't be around my dad, much less even talk to him in person or on the phone. I talked to him on the phone tonight and so I told my mom that I was going to end up having night upon night of nightmares now and she just tells me to not be ridiculous. I CAN'T HELP HAVING THESE NIGHTMARES. WHY WOULD I CHOOSE TO HAVE THESE NIGHTMARES?? I HATE BEING LIKE THIS. WHY WOULD ANY SANE PERSON CHOSE TO LIVE A LIFE LIKE THIS, PLUS SUFFER FROM OCD, PANIC DISORDER, AND GENERAL ANXIETY? I don't get it. No one listens except for my therapist. It's depressing. I'm out of Xanax to help with this anxiety, so I thought I'd look for a web site to post my feelings on and came across this place. My life is depressing.

-Anonymous

 

[OCDandPTSDSufferer]

I actually took offense to the response of her raising her voice and telling me to "not be ridiculous". Isn't a mom supposed to be a support person? I'm in my 20s, BTW.

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Anonymous ODCandPTSDsufferer. It's not the number of physical nor emotional abuse that determines if someone will or will not have PTSD. As for your mother's reaction, click on the following thread : [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/mothers-versus-female-parent.18397/#post-238058[/DLMURL] there is a very interesting discussion exactly on what is a mother and what is a parent. I'm glad that you found your way here as this will help you at the same time you are getting professional support. I to am a sufferer and I needed that professional support for at least 3 years steady plus meds. I've gotten to the point that I am able to manage my life without too much distabilization when I get my flashbacks, nightmares or periods of dissociation. I'm not healed, but am an empowermented survivor.

 

[Kim]

The odds are good that your mother has also suffered at your father's hands. Then there's the fact that she's more than likely in her own state of denial -- if she can deny it then she's not partly responsible for the way your father treated you. More than likely your mother is your father's enabler in a sense. If she didn't allow him to treat you the way he did then they probably wouldn't be together or worse she would have suffered the same fate.

I consider my stepfather my mother's enabler. He condoned her treatment of me with his silence. They were a united front. He supported her decision of punishment and was more than willing to dole it out, no questions asked, right or wrong. My mother would say things to me in one breath and then deny saying them in the next.

I hate to say it but you might want to look for a support system outside of your family. Going to your mother is not going to help you any and if anything will probably make matters worse. She's going to continue to make you second guess the things that you have suffered in the past and suffer now. If you need support this is a good place for that. You'll find that many can relate to exactly what you are going through.

Welcome to the forum. You'll find lots of understanding, support and acceptance here. You are not alone.

 

[Heather]

I agree with Kim. You are not going to get what you want or need from your mom. My mother is the same way. It took me years to realize that she is incapable of giving me what I need.

I just stoppped trying to get it from her and I'm in a much better place now because of it. Once you realize that you will be in a better place emotionally as well. Getting there is the hard part.

Peace to you.

Take care. Heather

 

[Lucycat]

I have never even told my mother that I have PTSD. I just know that she would not understand. Seems kinda pointless. On the rare occasions that I speak with her now we usually discuss the weather. Its like talking to a stranger in the supermarket.....

 

[Froggie]

Well Lucycat, that makes 2 of us.

 

[Gamereign555]

Yeah my mother was caring and supportive of what was happening to me in the beginning, but now that I have told my family I have PTSD, she has not contacted me since despite my best efforts to talk to her.

It could be that she feels responsible for what happened to me as a child, she wasn't always there because she was working but I think she knew how abusive both of my stepdads were.

 

[Ron]

Don't take any crap from your screwed up, child-abusing, poisonous parents. They are THE reason why you feel the way you feel right now. I would walk away from them. I would dis-own them. They are VERY BAD PEOPLE !

 

[Crl1983]

My mother was the same way until my dad killed my sister. She was always in denial about how bad the abuse was in our family. I actually remember going outside my family for help, when I was younger I told a friend about the abuse and when her mom came over to talk to my parents it was denial, denial, denial. Of course it was, my mother was afraid of him because he abused her as well. Maybe your father has been or is abusive to your mother as well, and she is afraid of him? Or like Kim said, maybe she just can't stand to feel partly responsible, imagine what that kind of guilt could do to a person. In any case I agree with what others have said, talking to her about it isn't helping you in any way, so maybe it's better not to for now. Do you have any friends in real life you can confide in? Even if not, you always have the forum. There are plenty of people here who will listen and do understand. Maybe you could even find a support group in your area where you could meet others who have been through similar.

 

[Anna]

My mother doesn't know I have PTSD, neither will she ever. I will never discuss it with her. She is not the sort of person who could empathise or be able to understand it. I don't expect her to either. The only people who understand are others who also have PTSD. I met another girl as a teenager who is my best friend forever. We both have been through so much. She is my support and I am hers. I think it is so hard for other people to understand unless they have been there to the dark place themselves.