Sufferer Not doing well - child abuse survivor & need suggestions on coping

[BlueAquarius]

Hi, I'm new here and new to forums related to PTSD. I am a childhood sexually abused, mentally abused, and verbally abused survivor. I have been in and out of therapy since my teens (programs, therapists). I haven't been doing so well lately and I am now aware of PTSD symptoms that I didn't realize were there. I have noticed that I will dissociate (do a task and not realize I already did it). I have a very hard time focusing. I am isolating myself and until today, I didn't drink water for weeks. I'm avoiding people out of shame and focusing on cleaning or errands to avoid how I feel/think. Isolating myself has turned into focusing on my husband and wanting to be around him and interact with him or talk about negative topics to him majority of the day. He is getting overwhelmed. I am thinking it's probably best to focus on healing myself or finding ways to cope because its affecting my marriage and I dont want to be like this anymore.
What are some coping methods you guys do for high anxiety and self negative thoughts?

 

[Mach123]

Have you a therapist currently who specializes in CSA and trauma? Until I had that in place and started to unwrap what happened to me and how it was affecting me I never got anywhere. Understanding it helped me feel better and until it was all laid out for me in terms of trauma I was just lost. I had plenty of therapists who didn't even know I had trauma CSA and I tried to tell them. I remember more than one shutting me down by saying "oh that kind of stuff is normal for boys" and "children experiment." I'd laugh but it almost killed me.

 

[Still Standing]

I, too, would suggest that you look up a therapist that specializes in trauma, PTSD. Ask if he/she also deals with CSA. You need to be in therapy where you get the support you need. Putting so much on your hubby could cause him overload and just add to the stress in your marriage. Your situation is not unique. Many have walked or are walking the same path that you have been on, struggling with the aftermath of childhood abuse. I am one of them, as many on this forum are too. We get it. You are falling apart with inner turmoil. I can give you some pointers but it is not going to help unless you have the larger support and guidance of a therapist. Since you have been in therapy before, you should know some coping techniques. Use the ones you know. Otherwise, distract yourself by doing something you like to do...movie, dancing, listening to great music, hobbies, long drive...whatever brings you pleasure. Do an internet search on the mental health therapists in your area and find one specialized in PTSD and make an appointment. You deserve to get better and have the mental health support you need.

 

[littleoc]

Hello, and welcome :)

I agree with others. Therapists are great to talk to about this stuff, and then you can save more positive things for your husband because you'll be feeling happier. Even if it comes up. :)

 

[BlueAquarius]

Have you a therapist currently who specializes in CSA and trauma? Until I had that in place and starte...

No I have never seen a therapists for PTSD or who specializes in csa and I do plan on seeing a therapist very soon. I was diagnosed with PTSD in my teens at a therapy boarding school. Most of my therapy has been focused on depression and anxiety. In my teens I found ways to avoid talking about what happened with my therapists. I have been told that before, "that children play and explore" which made me angry and shut that family member out. As an adult, I want to work through it because 8 years of barely maintaining any kind of friendship (except my husband) is miserable and I'm tired of living in fear. I also have trauma related to a verbal and mentally abusive parent growing up and at school I was heavily bullied and I think thays where my fear of others also come from.